as the whole family sat around the table, taylor decided to share a few of her jokes with us.

taylor: knock knock.
family: who's there?
taylor: cat.
family: cat who?
taylor: catsicle.
family: (blank stares)

then logan decided to try.

logan: knock knock.
family: who's there?
logan: kitty cat popsicle.
family: (giggles.)
taylor: kitty cat popsicles?!? that doesn't make any sense!

so taylor decided to try again.

jodi: the man said to the waitress...
taylor: the man said to the waitress.....oh yeah!...the man said to the waitress, this coffee tastes like dirt. mommy, i forget the rest.
jodi: and she said....
taylor: ...
jodi: that's because...
taylor: ...
jodi: it was just...
taylor: oh yeah! because it was just ground yesterday!
family: (laughs.) now that's one you can tell, that's a good one.
taylor: ehh, i don't think it makes sense.

there have been so many lost bloggable moments in the past week it hurts.

on friday night i reemerged into the scene with a vengeance and rocking and rolling never felt so good. yes, for one night, i pretended i was still cool enough to hang with the indie kids and traveled to kutztown to play with the combovers. i had a great time. i played accordion on two songs, ukulele on two songs, harmonica on one song, the pineapple shaker and llama toenails on one song, and sang some harmonies and i think that was it. i am truly honored to be asked to play with these guys, and lord knows i need some sort of creative release, so i am thankful. it was a fun time.

we woke up to snow, and while the roads were not yet clear and still a tad dangerous, everyone was a little bit giddy. i played bass and accordion at church and while it sounded like a loud disastrous mess from where i was sitting, it was still a worshipful time for me and i was thankful for that too. i hope others sensed the same thing.

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas.

ok, so i've been in this strange house all by myself for about 4 hours. i dont have a car here, so i have nowhere to go. ive spent my time grading papers and surfing the internet. it's going nowhere fast.

something tells me i've visited one too many myspace profiles, as i am feeling incredibly unpopular, out of the loop, ignored. a feeling has come over me, one that is all too familiar but one that i've forgotten over the years. for the first time since maybe high school i feel terribly alone..uncool..friendless..not that i haven't felt that way since high school, but i've learned not to care. its the feeling that makes me want a new wardrobe, a funny and outgoing personality, or just friends in general, or the things that supposedly get friends for you.

while i'm feeling this way today, i'm glad it doesnt happen as often as it used to. those were dark days. life's a lot easier when you do your best to be a friend and you dont care what anyone else thinks (or doesnt think) about you.

what's funny, i guess, is that i'm sure a lot of these popular myspace kiddies feel the same way im feeling a lot of the time, regardless of how many "friends" they have.

we're all so desperate for attention, arent we?

and maybe what it comes down to is that this wasnt the thanksgiving break i had hoped for.

erica and i are housesitting for the weekend. that means we have two things we dont normally have: internet and tv. it did not take long to remind us why we dont have them, as i very quickly started surfing the internet and ignoring erica, and erica very quickly started watching shows such as "90210 doctor" (complete with labia reduction surgery, sex change operations, and even an anal bleaching).

we have pets, too. delanee is a fat dog who has to pee every hour. the two cats are very old, and one pees wherever it pleases.

the food selection is slim. erica's out with a friend for lunch, so i found some eggs to eat. they were cage-free eggs, and i felt very guilty eating 3 of them. they seem so much more expensive and special, not meant to be eaten so freely. but they were my only option.

i was hoping to finally put some pictures on here, but the computer is so old it doesnt have a USB drive for me to transfer them. and as i pulled the computer out to look for a USB drive, something happened to the color in the monitor and it gave everything a deep bluish green tint. i hit it in just the right spot shortly thereafter, restoring its normal color, but as i pushed the computer back to its original spot, it happened again. we're gonna have to figure out how to fix that before leaving.

yes, so erica is out and i had high hopes of getting much schoolwork done. HA! i've successfully wasted an hour between cooking and the internet.

it's thanksgiving 2005, and there are plenty of things to be thankful for:

- a wife. erica's the best thing that has happened to me in 2005, that's for sure. (i guess i'm supposed to say she's the best thing that has EVER happened to me. that's true, too.) it's been 6 months and i still haven't realized i have a wife, i don't think. but having a friend around every night has been the only thing that's gotten me through the rest of life. it's been a wonderful thing.

- a job. let's face it: a job is a job and it's pretty much a needed thing. so i'm thankful. but what's more, i am thankful i've made it through 4 months of my first year of teaching, and i am thankful for the growth it is bringing.

- little kids at the thanksgiving eve service. one little boy last night stood up and said the following, completely dead pan: "hello. i'm thankful for my little brother, philip. he's not here right now. i guess because he was crying. he tends to cry a lot. sometimes i am able to cheer him up, but not always. and sometimes my dad comes home from work with enough energy left to wrestle with me. we roll around on the floor and then my mom tries to break it up. she's always on the 'against the fighting' side of things." he said a few more random things, none of which really had anything to do with being thankful, and then abruptly sat down with no prior warning and handed the microphone to his dad. you probably had to be there, but it was unbelieveably funny.

- friends. the amount of support i've received in this job, the number of people who have told me they are praying for me, is simply incredible. it's quite humbling. besides that, friends are nice, as they usually make the transition to adulthood a little less painful.

- aldo, roni, mary carmen and their 4 adorable kids. this family arrived at our little thanksgiving meal at the church today. they are from mexico (roni, mary carmen, and the kids arrived in the area at 1AM this morning), and with me being the person who knew the most spanish at the church, i was recruited to talk with them. it was wonderful. they were beautiful people and they made me smile. it's always great when these worlds collide, when a different culture stumbles its way into little ol' coopersburg. which brings me to my next point, which i mentioned earlier:

- what i was doing last thanksgiving. what i would do to make that drive in the back of a pickup truck again on the most beautiful day imaginable. what i would do to once again stand on the back of a jeep holding on for dear life and ride back into town, laughing the entire way of the mess of a hike we had just made.

- family. it's nice to all be in one spot. and that little logan gets cuter every day it hurts.

- the book of romans.

- village green records and jared cheek, a man with so much generosity it'll drive him to bankruptcy.

- bethlehem. it's a nice town.

- giggling.

- my mom's stuffing.

- the people who have visited us at 1616 maple. (and the people who haven't visited us, too, of course.)

- a few other things, too, that have since escaped me.

have a happy day.

school is out for thanksgiving break and there is a sense of relief in the air. i was in a good mood today, and the kids noticed, and there was very little that could steal it from me. it felt good. the doors were opened at 3:00 and the kids were herded out and every teacher had a smile on his or her face.

making it thus far i realize is no small feat. it is one thing i am most thankful for this thanksgiving.

the air outside is blustery and it feels like early december. i am excited for winter to arrive, but i think it is only because i'm excited about anything and everything today.

this thanksgiving i am also thankful for what i did last thanksgiving. it's been on my mind. going on a mess of a hike in the andes, eating very little, hitchhiking back to the city in the bed of a pickup truck, and eating chicken and rice at la cocina de don jose. it was good to skip a year of turkey, i think, and i am hoping that neville and mauldin and ben and all my other overseas friends experience the same sort of holiday i did, rather than being homesick.

i finally watched a very long engagement last night. it was very difficult to follow, but it was beautiful and heartwarming and lovely. erica doesn't like war movies, so i watched it alone and then showed her all the mushy parts. she enjoyed the annotated version. it was beautiful.

i'm running out of time at the library. remind me to put pictures up sometime! i hope you are well. give me a call over the break, or come over and say hello.

here is a small rough part of the things i was thinking about suffering and rejoicing and how they relate:

What does it mean to rejoice? Travis's definition was this: "to remind yourself of the faith you have in a God that is good." I'd say that's a decent definition.

Paul was a pretty intelligent fellow who was quite the linguist. I doubt he meant anything flowery whenever he used the word rejoice. I don't think he necessarily meant to be happy. I don't think he meant to smile. I don't think he meant for us to greet suffering with great enthusiasm. "Hooray! My job sucks! Let's celebrate!" No, it's not that easy; it's not that trite.

And that's where Christians get it wrong a lot of the time, I think. We don't understand what joy is or what rejoicing means. We think we have to be happy-go-lucky all the time, with a permanent smile plastered on our faces. We think mood-swings are off limits or from the devil. I think there is a large continuum of emotions that can be included inside of joy. I can be pissed off at my circumstances and still be glad (perhaps hopeful is the word?) because Christ died for me and he offers me a whole slew of promises and blessings.

What does rejoice mean, particularly when we're talking about doing so in the midst of suffering? It's reminding ourselves of the faith and hope we have in a God that is good. And this brings a solemn sense hopefulness; not necessarily a smile or a happy dance, but a sense of inner peace and the strength to keep going. So this
self-reminder of our faith and hope makes an important distinction: are we rejoicing about the suffering or the outcome it will bring? I think it's the latter. We don't have to be happy about our crappy job or the death or the sickness or the pain or whatever else it is. Rather, we can be thankful that God is in control, he has ordained it, and it is causing growth in our life and/or in the lives of those
around us. The suffering is causing his all-sufficient grace to be even more visible to us and to those around us. These are the things we're rejoicing about, and I think it's possible and ok to be upset about what we're going through and still be rejoicing about those things. But the more we focus on the hope, the less we'll be upset about the suffering, the easier or more tolerable it will all
become, and maybe that's the key.

It's the outcome that gives us a reason to rejoice. Sometimes the outcomes aren't immediately known, but if our God is a good God, we know at least that the outcomes will be good. And let's also remember that "good" might not necessarily be "good" in our perspective or understanding. We're rejoicing that a good sovereign God has an outcome in mind for us that fits into his good sovereign plan.

The word rejoice, I think, is so multi-faceted and deep-layered. It's a heck of a lot more than being happy. And I think it's much more internal than it is external. It's more a sense of inner peace than a bubbly exuberance. I think it's a word we'll never be able to put into words or fully comprehend.

So is it possible to rejoice in our sufferings?

I would say no, it's not humanly possible. Rather, it's the work of the Holy Spirit inside us. It is only possible to rejoice when we are keeping in step with the Spirit, when he is supplying us with that faith and hope and peace. When we surrender ourselves to the Spirit and allow him to work in our hearts, only then does it become possible to rejoice in our sufferings.

This is something I don't think Christians really understand (myself included). We know the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindess, and so on. But what happens when we feel unloving, grumpy, upset, impatient? I think all too often, we try on our own strength to be loving, happy, etc. We do our best to be nice to people and we insist evething is ok and that we're doing great. And then, as we've seen happen plenty of times, we end up with a lot of fake Christians on our hands; the juicy apples that bring satisfaction are replaced by the wax apples that just sit on the table and look nice. We want the fruit of the Spirit to be true and evident in our lives, but when it doesn't happen, we try to make it happen on our own, and we end up being a bunch of fakers. The fruit of the Spirit only comes, and only comes authentically, when we surrender ourselves to the Spirit. How exactly do we do that? I'm not sure, but I think it can start with being authentic and admitting when we don't feel loving or joyful both to those around us and also to God, and I think it can continue by asking the Spirit for help and by fellowshipping with Christ (which, as we've learned, is no easy, concrete task).

So, all that to say, I think the ability to rejoice is not something we can or should try to muster up on our own. Otherwise, we'll be a bunch of fake rejoicers, and we'll still lay in bed at night mad at God.

And I don't know about you, but I've seen plenty of fake rejoicers in my day. I think of the business man with a family to support who lost his lucrative job without any prior notice but walked around with a smile saying, "Yep, I'm out of a job, but it's ok! God's gonna provide and I'm really learning from it all and everything's going to be just fine!" I think, in the privacy of his own home, he was
crapping his pants and wrestling with God, wondering how this could happen to him and wondering where he was going to get the money for his hefty mortgage and car payments and so on and so forth. I think maybe true rejoicing admits the crappiness of the suffering. Even Christ was pretty upset with the way things were going down right before he was crucified. Even Christ begged God to end the suffering, and yet, he knew the plan and was able to rejoice because of it. He was able to rejoice, but I don't think he was smiling while he was hanging on the cross. He wasn't happy, but rather he was mindful of the outcome it would bring.

there is so much to say, but when you only have the opportunity once every two weeks to say it, it gets so laborious.

turns out i clicked something that didn't allow you to post your comments at all. it's fixed.

i'm learning and growing. starting with last weekend, my mind has been turning over thoughts on suffering and rejoicing and related topics. it continued this sunday, and i think i'm going to quit my job and dedicate my life to studying the topic further. and instead of writing a book, i'll just write it all right here.

no but seriously, last monday i took the time to sit down and write out my thoughts on what it means to rejoice in our sufferings. over the course of the week those thoughts were challenged and this morning they were expanded. there's a lot ot think about, i guess.

yoder came last weekend and it was bliss.

this week is thanksgiving and that will be bliss.

erica and i counted the number of people who have slept over in our 6 months of marriage. i think it's somewhere around 18 or 19. we'd love to add you to the tally. in the words of christina aguilera, come on over, come on over bay-bay-hay.

oh, and i wanted to tell you about this.

i caught some of my kids exploring a website called "gizoogle" during math class. i scolded them, but on my own time, my curiousity got the best of me, and i explored the site myself and found it to be quite hilarious.

you can enter in a website address, and it translates the site into gangsta talk. it makes me laugh.

so, if you can tolerate the occasional profanity, feel free to explore: gizoogle.

and for your enjoyment, here is my taylor blizzog: shizorb.

i think i've added a feature which will make it more annoying for you when you post a comment, but it will hopefully get rid of all the spam comments. if any of you were actually interested in real estate or wheelchair orgasms, i apologize.

there is much to say, as always, but now that i have the chance to post, it is all escaping me.

we had a killer halloween party the other weekend, and i've been meaning to post pictures but never have the chance. at one point in time there were 24 people packed into the apartment. the party lasted til 1:30 AM, and the noise levels were quite loud. we had a pillow catch on fire and a couch leg break. all of this was without the influence of alcohol. the costumes were amazing, and i think this most definitely will become an annual affair. so, start planning your costume for next year.

chalupa and liz came to visit on friday night. erica and i are rather boring hosts, and though we didn't do much of anything interesting, it was pretty exciting to have them here. i made bread in our breadmaker for the first time ever, but i accidentally put in twice the amount of required yeast, and i asked for light colored crusts, so we got a loaf of heavy, thick, yeasty, doughy bread, that actually wasn't too bad.

yesterday on a whim we traveled to philadelphia. it was a good day to travel. we visited rata and forced her to take a study break. we walked around penn's campus which was nice, but the campus is filled with frat houses and it was a saturday so things were starting to get interesting. erica and i were glad we went to college where we did, despite the nice physical setting.

school was ok this past week. things are getting worse and worse with one of my classes and they make me want to quit. one boy decided not to stay for my detention after telling me that it's my first year and i think i own the f-ing school. he got suspended for 3 days for that one. i found a packet of assignments laying on the floor and "I HATE YOU MR. SHORB" was written very largely on every page. another teacher found a ruler in her classroom that had some comments about me written on it, including some words you might find in a spam email. the asst. principal told me that i had finally arrived, and to let him know when i made the bathroom wall because then we would celebrate. oh, and f you has also been written rather largely on my desk. i am able to let all of this go rather easily, but trying to teach the kids who have these attitudes is what's getting a little tiresome.

the principal has sorted through preliminary pssa scores and has divided them by teacher. so now he knows that it's my classes who have the worst scores and i'm the one responsible. but can we really expect anything much different when we give the lowest kids and the kids still learning how to speak english to the first year teacher?

which brings me to my next point. i'm a teacher! a professional! when did that happen?!? a year ago my biggest responsibility was getting a D on my freshman level math final so that i could still get an A in the class with the least amount of effort possible. now all of a sudden i'm responsible for real-live kids and keeping in touch with their parents and reporting to the state and knowing how best to teach material and so on and so forth. i'm only 22 years young! what's wrong with this picture?!?

besides all of that, nothing else too interesting is happening. tomorrow i have a court appearance for the death of big red. should be exciting.

i think i'm learning stuff and growing a bit and things like that. i don't feel like expounding right now, but i am. so that's exciting.

come visit. happy autumn.

Not much to say, i don't think, but i'll say hello nonetheless. there has been things to say throughout the week, but they've all been forgotten by now. it was a good week, the best yet, so far, i think. i felt almost confident as a teacher, and i was enjoying my kids, and enjoying bethlehem, and just generally happy with things. i found out that one of my students is from peru, he just moved to the US recently. and another one of students is kenyan. this diversity excited me.

it's a busy weekend with lots of visitors. dusty disanto is stopping by and rata is home and jamin might be visiting so we're excited.

that's all. see you.

it's yom kippur, the day of atonement, and i have off school. i like to make jokes about the supposed large jewish population at my school, with it being 75% puerto rican and all. but i shouldnt make too many jokes, because it turns out erica works with a puerto rican who is a messianic jew. they exist after all.

i'm at the library. it was a nice slow start to my day. the boy next to me (a middle schooler, no doubt, who has off today but who is not celebrating yom kippur) is playing violent video games and a little while ago his cell phone went off. his ringtone was the song "down with the sickness" and it played very loudly, starting out with the growling "ooo-ahahahah!" it made all of us jump, including him, and he raced and struggled to get it out of the pocket of his jeans and silence it.

below are several of the posts i've been wanting to write over the course of the last month. i wrote them down recently so that i wouldnt forget them.

autumn arrived with the rain i mentioned a few posts down. it's frigid and damp and while i enjoy it, it's getting to be a little dreary.

i cant stop listening to the new sigur ros and erica's getting a little tired of it.

another middle schooler just sat down next to me, and she's updating her xanga, which makes me feel really really stupid doing this.

school's been a little rough this week, because the other day as we were walking in from a fire drill, i got hit with a rock right in between the eyes. it hit my glasses and cut my nose, and i was bleeding when i went back into class. what made it even worse was that my class laughed at me. i didn't see who did it, but the vice principal started working on it and a little boy admitted to it.

it turns out it is one of the boys i like in my homeroom. i think it was an accident, but his story of how it happened was a bit weak. he apologized to me and got suspended for three days for endangerment. i have 30 days to press charges against him for assault with a dangerous object.

i didn't even give that a thought - pressing charges. mostly because i like the kid, i guess, and i sincerely believe it was an accident. but several teachers are trying to tell me that i should have him arrested in order to teach him a lesson and solidify my reputation as a "hard-ass who won't put up with any shit."

it's a tough call, i guess. and i've already been thinking about it a lot lately. there's a balance between showing grace and discipline. both are necessary and we can see both of them in our own lives. i don't know how it's supposed to work, to be perfectly honest.

there's more i want to say but i have one minute left and i'm going to get kicked off and i want to post this. sorry for the abrupt ending. i hope you are well. i really do miss you.

Teaching middle schoolers is a most humbling experience, as it forces the teacher to constantly ask himself, "Was I like this? Was I this weird? This bad? This out of control?" And the answer is most often, without hesitation, and loud and resounding, "Yes. You were."

I am still convinced that Mrs. Rineer hated me for no reason. And while I think I was being truthful when my one and only defense was: "It wasn't me! I wasn't the one talking! I swear!" I am now forced to wonder when that is the response I hear most often in the classroom, and it is never truthful.

I was hyper. Boy, was I hyper.

And there was always drama on the back of the sports busses.

And there were always ridiculous little romances popping up - and with only 10 girls in the class to choose from!

And there was the time, at Spruce Lake, when Mr. Yothers overheard the boys' cabin talking dirty, embarassing us all to no end, filling us with heavy guilt.

There were antics and mischief, indeed. There was the total lack of self-control and self-awareness I see everyday. It was me.

And then there were the Mann sisters at Sunday school every Sunday morning, patient and calm, dedicated and thick-skinned. Every Sunday they came and attempted to teach - or at least keep under control - a pastor's kid who was most likely worse than the worst behavior problems they encountered throughout the week at public school. How they did it, I'll never know, but perhaps it was a slow, clam prayer they prayed at the close of every Sunday school class, the one they said under their breath as I walked out the door:

"Lord, make him a middle school teacher someday, and give him students as bad as he is now."

It was answered. And while the Mann sisters have been extremely supportive of me over the past months, I have a feeling they smile and laugh each time they are together, each of them having a slight sense of sinister satisfaction.

the autumn rain arrived last night, slow and steady, showing no intent of leaving. it brought down the first of the yellow leaves that had previously been weakened, and it begain to weaken the green leaves who were not yet ready to go, those holding on to the remaining bits and pieces of summer, rays of sunshine, the scent of backyard grills.
the autumn rain arrived last night, the front corner of the newspaper showing a gray raincloud for friday, saturday, and sunday. weekend plans have been foiled and everyone is staying in, including the squirrels holed up in their treehouses, forced to take a break from their busy nut-collecting schedule.
with no gutter on the building, the rain comes off the roof and slams the fire escape and cement landing. the loud noise drifts through our cracked bedroom window (where on the sill a small puddle is forming) and creates a background for all indoor activities, sometimes comforting and and other times depressing.
and perhaps that is exactly what this is - a tension between comfort and depression. the relaxation that comes with rainy days and slow start saturdays and the antsiness that comes with being locked indoors, having a list of to-do's with no will power to do them.

we took the kids last night, volunteer babysitters, an imaginary mom and dad for just a few hours. after soccer practice and doing our best to ignore the pleas to visit the ice cream truck, we drove our new SUV over the mountain, mom and dad up front, sister and brother in their car seats, one big temporary and happy family. as we came down the mountin, we drove due west towards the sunset.

two-year-old logan pointed straight and ahead and said, "Taylor! Look!"

five-year-old taylor said, "Yes, Logan. Isn't it beautiful? That's called the sunset." She sounded more like a mother than a big sister. "See all the yellow and orange and pink and blue? It's the sunset!" logan sat still, listening intently, continuing to gaze at the sight. "It's when the moon comes up and the sun goes down." her explanation complete, both continued to stare silently with a sense of wonder on their faces.

we, imaginary mom and dad, sat silently too, with smiles on our faces and that sense of wonder placed back in our hearts.

it's 3:45 and here i am in wesley's room at the combovers headquarters.

i was hoping this recording session would last not past 3:00, but here it is 3:45 and we have little to show for it.

it has been a somewhat disappointing time, partly because i got my hopes too high, and partly because i was expecting to do more of the making music and less of the twidling of knobs. but i'm thankful to be involved no matter what the form.

kyle's songs are pretty amazing, his voice is stark and awkward but beautiful and honest, his guitar is somewhat sloppy yet lush and warm. the kid's got soul. we finished just about all the songs with him along with a few other parts, but when we went back to add the drum tracks, things got a little ugly.

perhaps there are 2 morals to the story. one, recording with a 4-track will never be easy, and two, never try to convince yourself that a click track is unnecessary. we thought we could do it, but poor shoe just can't hold on to kyle's wavering tempos.

and so, after about 8 hours of trying to do this, we probably have to start all over.

it's a disappointing day. but i do promise once these songs are on tape, you'll enjoy them very much. jared will play it all day in his record store and the copies will fly off the shelves. perhaps i am exaggerating, but this IS probably the most mature music and songwriting i've ever been involved with.

i am sitting in a cafe in kutztown across the street from where down down berlin was playing. erica and i felt too old and out of place to stay for the second band, so we decided to come over here so that i could grade papers and she could read. we're so old, i guess. but i found out they had wireless internet, so of course grading papers was moved to the back burner.

this little cafe place is a christian hangout, apparently. i'm not sure what i'm trying to say about it. it's pretty poorly (or at least haphazardly) decorated and there is nauseating light smooth jazz playing in the background, which i guess isn't as bad as what would be playing in some "christian cafes." i'm really not trying to be critical. the food is decent and cheap. and the people are doing their best to be nice. but it's rather obvious that not many people come here outside of the youth group that runs it. we got odd stares as we walked in, the kind that said "hooray! worldy people are finally here! who will get up the guts to talk to them?!"

ok, none of this is making sense. i guess maybe what i'm trying to say is that no matter how hard some christians try to be hip and relevant, they've spent too much time in their little bubbles that any attempts come across as cheezy over-the-top niceness. and not even kindness. we're talking niceness, which is completely different.

that's not making sense either. i'll stop.

but no i wont. we were talking about the awkwardness that happens when christians try to witness to people who are already christians. "hey, guys, we actually wanted to tell you about jesus if that's ok." "oh, that's ok, we already know him!" "oh, really? well we'll tell him about you anyway, if that's ok." "no, really, we really already know him!" "well, what do you know about him?" "that, he's, like, our savior and stuff!" "ummm, ok....what else?????? (we're really not buying this....)" and so it goes.

but i'll stop.

all this to say, i've had a post written in my head for each day of the past two weeks, and no way to get them out. i wanted to tell you about isaac, who, after a detention mostly due to his ADD, brought in stuff to keep him busy the next day. what was it? a set of crayons, markers, and a bible story coloring book. he spent most of the class coloring in jesus walking on the water. i smiled.

this was the same boy who yelled a spanish word at me, which caused the class to gasp and giggle. i asked what it meant, and the other little hyper boy who sits in the front stood up, pointed at his crotch and said in his puerto rican accent, "eets thees! on a wooman!" oooooh boy did that get me started. let's hope he learned his lesson.

but yes there's been so much to say. on tuesday the 27th, i wanted to write, "7 years ago on this day, i went out to the breezeway of my house and had a long instant messenger conversation with a certain girl i had a crush on. after the conversation, i emailed my sister asking for advice, filled with nervousness and excitement. and the rest is history." there was more to write than just that. but it's amazing to think that we've had the privilege to watch each other grow into adults. it's been a blessing.

and there's been so much more but it is all lost now. billy collins has a good poem about that idea.

this post is chaos.

but anyway, we're in kutztown, starting out a weekend that many of us have been anxiously awaiting. kyle, wes, shoe, stan, myself, and maybe a few others will sit down to record the new combovers' album on my four track tonight and tomorrow. the ukulele, accordion, harmonicas, and llama toenails are in the trunk and everyone's excited. i'll let you know how it turns out. at the show, erica and i realized that we forgot pillows, blankets, and the airmattress, and we have a feeling these college guys wont have much to offer. should be a good night's rest.

we missed sufjan and the illinoisemakers in lancaster the other night. adulthood duties were calling. and now we're depressed.

the new death cab is disappointing. i dont want to be one of the kids who says "death cab sucks cuz they're on a major label now!" but major labels really do change your sound, i think. the guitars suffered the most, i think, and the melodies came second. thank goodness the lyrics are still top notch. (few similies are better than "like brothers on a hotel bed.") we had a listening party for it, at 7:00 on a saturday morning over eggs and coffee. i was going to write about that too.

on the other hand, the new sigor ros is excellent. the shorter songs are much more manageable than ( ) and the horns and strings are a welcome addition. if only i wouldve caught them on their tour. im jealous of you jamin and elaine.

i think that will be it for now. i should probably go post on my taylor blog, huh?

sometimes i feel like doogie howser md typing on this thing. that's the only part i remember of that show.

and one other thing.

i somehow got suckered into blogging for taylor again! i don't even go there anymore!

they are apparently doing a "first year" thing, and i'll be the "first year alumni" contributor. i dont think they realize i cant even update my own blog anymore, let alone one that i'm forced to do.

and i'm wondering how much i can really say. for instance, would it be appropriate to say "yes, i'm a teacher now, and taylor's education program did pretty much next to nothing to prepare me for it."? and while that's true, i guess it's not exactly fair, because i dont think any school's education program could prepare you for the madness that is your first year of teaching.

i guess if i clarify, it might be able to be said.

so, if your interested, check that out. not sure when it will be up, but, there you have it.

my mom just informed me that there was a hurricane nate recently. how exciting! i am sad i didn't know about it when it happened. but apparently he was short-lived.

this brings me to my next point.

i really do not recommend living without internet, tv, or newspaper. the only connection with the outside world i've been getting is whatever's on NPR during my 7 minute commute and whatever i happen to glance at on the front page of the newspapers that are laying in the teacher's lounge (which, the other week, included a front-page story about my 11th grade history teacher who was arrested for hiring boys to work for him and paying them extra to work in various stages of undress. but that's another story.) and it's really not healthy. this became very embarrassing when, on the second day of school, i saw a teacher looking at a newspaper shaking his head and saying "unbelieveable..." i asked, "what's that?" he just muttered, "hurricane" or "new orleans" or something like that, and the tone of his voice communicated that it was supposed to be a well-known-now-common-sense event that had occurred. in order to save face, i acted like i knew what he was talking about, but later with my own investigation, i found out about katrina.

i wrote that last post on a sunday. if i would be allowed to access blogger at school, on monday i would've gotten on and posted, "am i surviving, you ask? no, i don't think i am anymore."

that was the night i went home and starting sobbing at the dinner table for reasons unbeknownst to me. i think my body just needed some sort of release. the uncontrollable sobbing continued off and on throughout the night, until i fell asleep without knowing it at 8:00, and didn't wake up until 9:00 when erica came to bed, and i decided then to stay where i was at. ten hours of sleep was somewhat helpful, i guess.

the week went better from there, i guess. i don't think that it actually went a whole lot better, the kids are still uncontrollable and my lessons still suck, but it's just that i'm getting more used to surviving each day, becoming numb to it all. elaine sent me a little poem that starts out "roll on, thou deep and dark blue ocean - roll!" and that has quickly become my battle cry. it is sad, i guess, that survival is my main and only goal at this point, because my goal is supposed to be, of course, "no child left behind." but for now, let's worry about the teacher getting left behind, because if he's left behind, so are all the kids.

everyone who gives new teachers advice says to "start out tough and ease up later in the year." i had heard that enough to know, but i dont think i really realized how tough "tough" needed to be. the other day in the copy room, one teacher was giving me some tips, and boy does he play hardball with these kids, with some fierce profanity and all. i'll know for next year, i guess. not that i'll resort to profanity, but, you know what i mean.

enough about all of that. i really am doing ok all in all, but thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and hopes and words of encouragement. i do appreciate them and they are keeping me going.

so many movies that i'm missing! and ones to rent, now, too! i heard crash is out, which we've been waiting to see. and the music! how is the new death cab? i'm so behind!

tomorrow the entire shorb clan travels to hanover for blanton and mariana's 60th wedding anniversary. (that's my grandparents.) it will prove to be very interesting. they are renewing their vows, and they have decided to make it a real-deal wedding ceremony, complete with a wedding dress that was found at a yard sale. we found out recently that they never had a real wedding because one set of parents didnt approve or something like that, so with that in mind, it will be pretty special i guess. my grandma is apparently pretty giddy about it all. i'll give you the update later.

come visit. we miss you.

hello. thanks for coming back one more time to see if i'm alive.

first things first, let me make you aware that my cell phone is broken and i havent found the time to go buy a new one. that's part of the reason why i'm not calling you, because i don't have long distance on my home phone. but please feel free to call me on my home phone, and if you need the number, email me because for some reason i am wary of posting my phone number here.

second things second, i am not only wary about my phone number, but i am paranoid about talking too much on here in general, with a school full of new students and a district full of administrators searching for dirt on me. so, my expressions may be minimal here.

am i surviving, you ask?

i think so.

i made it through the first two weeks, and although they were terribly exhausting, i feel generally pretty good about them. it could just be the good mood i'm in today, though. middle school is a wild age, indeed. and the impoverished urban culture teaches no respect, no discipline, no self control, and no logic. how, then, do we teach these important life skills which are necessary before delving into academia? it is a culture of extreme selfishness that is driven by survival. when going over the code of conduct, i was trying to explain the section that spoke of "universal values." one of them was honesty. "can we all agree that being honest is a good thing?" one boy responded, "no, not always! because if you're doing something like stealing or something, and someone asks you if you did it, and you say yes, then you'll get in trouble. so it can be a bad thing." survival. where do you even begin in order to reverse that mentality? it's daunting.

so that is the culture. i feel confident that i can manage the classroom as well as can be expected (i found out friday that the use of spanish gets their attention, as the vast majority of them come from puerto rican heritage. i told them they must always put their name on their paper and then shouted "siempre!" and the wide eyes and gaping mouths told me i had their attention. then, when one boy was whining about something, i said, "pobresito!" with a pouty face, and everyone grinned and laughed and he stopped), but the concern now is figuring out the curriculum, what to teach, when to teach it, and how to teach it. my lessons have been incredibly shoddy thus far, and i am drowning in order to figure out how to teach the next day's material, let alone the next week's. this is the challenge, because if i don't have the lessons planned, there is a reason students are out of control, and the fault is then on my shoulders. so that's where we stand for the upcoming weeks.

organization is a chore and i have no idea how it should be accomplished. furthermore, i dont think there is a single middle schooler in the world who is organized, and if i can't organize myself, how do i teach them to be organized?

just many things to figure out and think about. and i'm sure it doesnt get much easier in the future. for now, we'll take it one ten-hour day at a time.

it's a little depressing to lose one's life to a job, no matter how enjoyable the job may potentially be. remember that 4-week lineup at the local theater i was so very excited about? we missed the last 3 weeks. there are several shows coming up that i may have to surrender. no time to listen to music, let alone write and play my own or with my friends. and my friends. how i miss them.

the first few weeks after taking the job, i was overwhelmed and depressed and didn't want to interact with anyone because of it. this weekend i'm realizing how desperately i need it. if i don't keep some sort of social life going amidst all of this, it will all get even more achingly depressing. so we'll work on that.

with those thoughts, i was missing college in a terrible way yesterday morning. i wanted a college saturday...waking up slowly at 10 or 11, getting a long, slow shower, wandering into someone's room and talking them into lunch, and taking the day very easy with the company of others. those were the days, no?

dan spent some time with us last night and erica and i enjoy him so very much. we have an interesting relationship. erica and i live vicariously through him, because he is living the adventurous life of a starving artist, finding random jobs and gigs that supply enough money for food and rent and enabling to do his art and moving on to the next thing after a few months. we came to find out last night that he is living vicariously through us, wanting the quaint apartment and the cute little wife and the homey decorations and the record player and the sunday morning coffee and whathaveyou. we tried convincing him that this adulthood gig is really not all it's cracked up to be, but he insisted. who knew?

but as i was saying, today i am good. last night dan slept over and the three of us went for a walk at 12:30 AM. it felt good to stay up late. i slept well, and we woke up and had eggs and toast and coffee. i was wishing you were there. it's an absolutely beautiful day. with labor day comes the most glorious weather one could ask for; these days have been the summer weather i've always dreamt of. we started a new sunday school with a teacher we enjoy and material that is weighty and challenging but enlightening and exciting, and the company of our young adult friends was more fun than ever for some reason. but yes, for the first time in a while i am excited about god and who he is and that is something i've needed more than anything over the past few weeks. and i drove our new stick-shift car on the road for the first time, and all in all, i did pretty well. (speaking of which, the other guy's insurance is taking the liability and reimbursing me, but because i took big red to a junk yard right away and it could very well be demolished by now, i dont think i'll get anything for him.)

this is the day the lord has made, and i'm rejoicing, and i'm not even dreading going to work tomorrow yet, which is amazing, and if this day keeps up, it will catapault me through my first 5-day week with no problem, even when i have my five boys in detention tomorrow afternoon.

thank you for thinking of me and hoping for me and praying with me. i do miss you.

...

- i like your tattoo, jamin. say hello to jared's record store for me. send me some pictures of it. i thought of you as i ate my eggs this morning.
- i miss you, yoder. call my house phone. when are you coming to visit?
- can you send me a burrito, chalupa? tell your neighbors to turn down their hiphop music.
- noah, we are starting desiring god in sunday school. so it looks like i'll be checking out your suggestion sooner than expected. do you read this?
- neville, give my regards to china.
- joanna? how and where are you? i keep trying to convince myself that bethlehem is on the same level of coolness as grand rapids, and while it's almost close, i am most likely lying to myself.
- who else is reading this? ben? hello prague! liz? i havent kept up with your blog. are you editing? i was telling dan about you this morning. does that freak you out? elaine? elaine, i have thought of you and joe extremely often for some reason. you two are the best friends i never made enough effort to have. did that make sense? david! are you reading this? i will return an email someday. i think of you incredibly often. and hello to everyone else, too, that i dont know about.
- today's sept. 11, isnt it? hm.

when erica left this morning, she left the 4+ loads of laundry as my responsibility. when i protested, saying that i had no idea which of her clothes went in the dryer and which did not, her only response was, "i trust you."

biiiiiiiig mistake, woman.

let's hope she remembers those three deadly words of permission when i mess things up.

on a different note, i forgot to mention that i went to waffle house last weekend. i went for dinner on friday night with dan, and then again that night at 2AM with jamin and wes. i don't really recommend going to a waffle house twice within 10 hours.

i was disappointed. this waffle house is no waffle house. it is brand new and sparkling clean, and all the workers are all under thirty. and the people who cook the food are either women or young skinny men, never the silent, scary, overweight men you tend to see in the midwest. and, get this: there were people there! families, even! not a bunch of lonely truckers! that was probably the most baffling; since when do people want to eat at waffle house?

we'll give it ten years or so. by then, the lights in the sign will be burnt out, it will be dirtier and greasier, and the under thirty employees will have aged considerably, and their voices will pick up a mysterious accent that sounds southern but you're really not sure, and the cooks will have gained fifty or more pounds from eating their free waffles and syrup every night, and no one will want to eat there anymore, and then everything will be back to normal, and it will feel good to eat at waffle house again.

guess what?

the police cited the other driver for running a red light. turns out there was a witness who spoke up after all, and they said i was in the intersection on yellow and they came through on red. so it wasn't my fault.

so now i have to call the other insurance company and see how much they're going to cough up to reimburse me for big red. i'm expecting at least 5 figures.

and with that, my summer, and life, have vanished.

on monday afternoon, after two interviews, broughal middle school called and offered me the job.

"when can i let you know by?"
"uhhh....like 5 minutes ago. but i can give you another 2 hours if you need it."

so i took the 2 hours, and then i took the job.

and then i laid on the couch and listened to sufjan's 13-14-15 combo from michigan with tears in my eyes hoping to calm myself down somehow.

7th grade math. starting next tuesday.

my stomach is in a permanent knot, and i haven't had time to breathe.

see you next june.

RIP Big Red, 1991 - 2005.



Big Red, 14 (which is pretty old in car years), of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, died August 10th around 3:40 PM after being broadsided by a Jeep Cherokee, which also died on impact. He was owned by T.P. Shorb and driven by N.P. Shorb. Little is known about Big Red's early years, except that his owner took fairly good care of him, with the exception of his exterior paint job. Big Red rested at Automotive Special Services in Quakertown, until he was adopted by Shorb in the summer of 2002. From there, he went on to drive over 30,000 miles more, finally ending his career at 205,237. A one-time resident of both Upland, Indiana and Coopersburg, Pennsylvania, he faithfully served his owner, making several trips to and from the midwest with very few problems. Big Red is best known for his appearance in "Big Red: The Road to 200,000," after completing the 200,000 mile mark, which, although being rejected by area film festivals, has become a successful cult classic, even moreso upon his death. Survivors: Driver, N Shorb, and driver's wife, E Shorb. Services: Big Red was quickly put to rest at Whitehall Salvage something or other, pictured below, where his courageous and persevering spirit will live on as his strong parts will be recycled and reused in many new areas. The driver was given $75 in exchange, which, remember, is pretty much $75 of pure profit, but hardly puts a dent in the towing costs. Contributions: In lieu of flowers, please send a lot of money to his driver, N Shorb.




yes, i was in a pretty bad accident on wednesday. as you can see, big red is done, but i am very ok besides a very fat lip, a very sore hand, and the usual soreness in the neck and back. thankfully no one was riding with me, because, as you can see, things would not have turned out so well. no word yet on whose fault it was, but it was most likely mine. accidents are very ugly things that can really shake up your life for a while. and that's about all i have to say at this point.

as promised, here are some pictures from the illinois listening party.

here is everyone that showed up: austin, dressed as john deere. kyle, dressed as miles davis. stan, dressed as a chicago blackhawk hockey player. wes, dressed as john wayne gacy dressed as a clown. me, dressed as abraham lincoln. roshelle, dressed as raggedy ann. john, dressed as ernest hemingway. and erica, dressed as olympic figure skater and childhood idol, dorthy hammill, which is probably spelled wrong.


here is wes, showing you the illinois food that we ate: creamed corn and chicago deep dish pizza.


here is the happy couple, the host and hostess for the evening, wishing you were there:

well, i'm at the parents' house, and i tried to upload the pictures, but it's taking much too long with their connection. so we'll wait some more.

this morning at work, i got out of my car and went to put my key for the barn that houses our equipment in my pocket, and it slipped out of my hands and down through a drainage grate. i knew then that it would be a long day. but i put my problem solving skills to work, the ones i taught to the rugrats last week, and i duct taped together two wooden dowels, put some duct tape sticky side out on one end, and reached down and stuck my key and all was well.

i got a little woozy from the heat and a lawnmower stopped working and i was miserable so i left early without telling anyone.

mark was just singing 'the b-i-b-l-e' with logan, and when it came time to shout "bible!," logan roared it in a voice that was a mix between rob zombie and a lion.

done.

i ran out of time as i knew i would. i must tell you about strong coffee, at least, but there is more than that, as well. soon, hopefully.

"do justice, love mercy, walk humbly." -micah 6:8

i am glad this verse does not tell us to love justice, but the fact that many christians are interpreting it as such is a sad one. it is this love of justice that turns us in to blood-thirsty avengers, putting arrogant bumper stickers on our cars and paying to "shoot bin-laden" with a paintball gun at the boardwalk. it is this love of justice that rejoices in the sight of the bloody heads of the enemies on the front page of our newspapers. and oh how we would have loved to see saul's head on the front page before he wandered on to the road to damascus, and we would have excitedly told our friends and celebrated, not knowing the paul we would have been losing. the love of justice degrades the value of human life, it denies the hope we have experienced in our own lives, it forgets the road to damascus. the love of justice is the opposite of walking humbly, for we are forgetting the justice that has been foregone in our own lives, the justice where, if we all received what we truly deserved there would be little good, hope, joy, life, love, and so on. justice always is, or should be, a somber event.

there is much to update you on and only a half hour in the library to do so. here we go.

a few weeks ago we had the illinois listening party and it was incredible. i brought pictures to post but these computers dont have usb ports so i cant. i'll tell you more about it when i am able to post the pictures.

everything, now! visited bethlehem last week. it turned out to be a mess because their transmission was dying and wes went into debt renting the place for them, but it was very good to see jared cheek and it was very good to hear new e,n! material.

i had my first interview a few weeks back. it would be best to say that it was a learning experience. no, it did not go so hot, and they were pretty harsh with me, but i was thankful for their honesty. it proved to be helpful. i didnt want that job anyway. i was offered a job in bolivia, which in some ways was an incredibly tempting offer, and in other ways was simply absurd. i was also offered a job (well, not really...offered a chance to "chat" about a job, which i'm fairly confident would have resulted in an offer) at the christian school that i went to through 8th grade. my 7th grade english teacher offered it to me which was weird. there is nothing that is appealing about that job besides the ability to say "i have a teaching job" and thus, i have passed it up as well. things are coming down to the wire now and some nights i'm concerned about it.

yes, the reality of adulthood is still looming and getting me down. but last night mike scales and kyle page came over for left-over-wedding-carrot cake. kyle has a little musical project called the combovers and we decided on a whim to record a song on my four-track. it was a gorgeous song and i got to play tamborine and shaker and ukulele and we were very pleased with the outcome. i was honored that he included me on the project and the whole thing relieved so much stress you would not believe. it was a gift from god, truly. it reconfirmed the idea that i desperately need to be playing music with someone on a regular basis.

i also played for him one of my hymns in progress and he really liked it which also excited me and gave me a reason to continue working on this project. and yes, you will all hear it, in good time. maybe. and mike scales asked me to play this version of immortal, invisible in church on a sunday morning, and perhaps i will.

the man next to me is looking at wrestling-news.com

the other night i was dreaming of meeting yoder and su in wheeling.

and the other night i cried because i miss, or know i am going to miss, college, or at least real conversations with good friends who understand.

i think that was the same night, actually.

there's a killer lineup at the independent theater coming up over the next four weeks, and it's going to be grrrreat! me and you and everyone we know, march of the penguins, that bill murray movie i'm forgetting the title of, and 5x2.

the eagles are in town and everyone's excited.

musikfest is also coming to town which will also be exciting.

august already? ugh.

and i think that's all for now. if i run out of time, remind me to write the story about my strong coffee.

yesterday i was "talked in to" going tubing down the delaware river with several friends. it's a rather unique event that happens every so often. i didn't think i had it in me yesterday, but it turned out to be very enjoyable.

at one point on the river, i saw someone tanning on the sandy bank. he was rather far away, but he appeared to be naked. "wes," i said, "is that man naked?" with his curiousity peaked, wes started excitedly paddling his tube in hyper speed to get a closer look. he was indeed naked, so wes first informed the girls not to look, and then yelled, "excuse me sir, you forgot your shorts!" we were expecting a few choice words from the middle aged-man in response, but it was at this point we realized he had fallen asleep and wes had woken him up. he lifted his head slowly and sleepily, observed the 10-or-so people floating past him, then slowly reached for his shorts and held them in front of the crucial area as he sat up. he continued looking back and forth at all of us with no response to wes's heckling. all of a sudden, without notice, he jumped up and sprinted up the bank into the weeds and woods, exposing his dirty, sandy bottom, frantically escaping the embarrassment of the scene. we laughed and laughed and laughed.

this floating down a river in an inner tube thing that we do, i cannot decide whether it is oddly beautiful or beautifully odd, but it is one of the two, or maybe both.

ok. what all those posts were trying to say is this.

the married life, in and of itself, is no big deal, no big adjustment. after spending most moments with one person for 7 years, or at least wanting to spend most moments, finally tying the knot is basically a natural step.

the adjustment is not in sharing a house, a bathroom, or a bed with someone of the opposite gender.

it's not in having to do the grocery shopping or dish washing or house cleaning.

it's not so much in having to pay the bills or keep track of the money.

the adjustment lies more in trying to figure out what this married life is supposed to look like. part of it just figuring out what to do now that i'm an adult, but marriage adds some significant complexity to it all.

i was hoping married adult life would consist mostly of listening to records and reading books and recording hymns and watching movies. i haven't gotten to do much of any of those yet.

i was happy that i wouldn't have homework and my evenings would be free. but they're taken up pretty quickly with cooking and washing dishes and all of the other odds and ends before going to bed early in order to wake up and do it all again.

i know that i'm not meant to mow grass for a living, that's for sure. it's sucking the life out of me.

erica was excited to be done with her job. but after 2 days at home alone, she has decided she wants one again.

i was hoping to still hang out with the "young adult" crowd and have parties at our apartment a lot. they don't seem to have much interest in us, though, now that we're married.

the adjustment, i guess, lies in what our life is supposed to look like now that we're married and entering adulthood. the adjustment lies in trying to figure out what we are meant to do, in trying to find a job that gives us fulfillment and enjoyment, in finding ways to keep our lives somewhat adventurous, in finding out how to keep friends and some sense of a social life. maybe all of these things don't exist in adulthood, but i don't really want to believe that.

i don't know. does this make sense?

this is depressing, i know. i blame it all on the grass cutting job.

but the good news is a waffle house is going in 10 minutes from our house! a waffle house! can you believe it?!? forget midway, jamin, you're coming here for waffle house!

maybe my stomach is just in knots because i came to the library to find out what openings were available in the bethlehem school district, and what used to be over 100 available positions is now only over 40 available positions, of which only 5 apply to me, of which only 3 i would actually want. i guess i'm a little nervous.

i guess what i meant to say is that i miss you and you and you and you and you. and i've slowly but surely been realizing that not going back to college this fall will be odd and depressing.

without internet access, i can't possible keep up with everyone's blogs. without keeping up with everyone's blogs, i feel incredibly out-of-touch with everyone. but the problem is, if i had internet access, i would just be reading their blogs, and while i would be in-touch with what is going on with these people, i would still but out-of-touch with them.

i think it's making me depressed as i type this.

last night was a good way to end a day filled with laundry.

erica, wes, kyle, michael and i traveled to fishtown to see javelins, saxon shore, and anathallo, in that order. it was at a great place called circle of hope church, and they seem to be doing some pretty awesome things in an area that needs some pretty awesome things. the people in charge were so very nice, as well.

javelins were a very dancey trio that i absolutely loved. they brought a smile to my face every time a new song started, and it wasn't because they were goofy, it wasn't because they were joyful (but that's not to say they weren't, either), and their music wasn't even necessarily overtly happy...i was just smiling because i loved their music so much. not many bands can do that. they were a pleasant surprise and you should probably check them out. they're from detroit.

saxon shore played a set that was a very huge improvement from their last one. getting rid of the synths and adding the bass made a world of difference and it made me pretty excited for this new CD that's coming. that said, i find their new music somewhat boring and do not necessarily enjoy the changes they've made. but i did enjoy their set quite a bit, and they played really loudly, but the church provided toilet paper to stuff in your ears, so that helped.

anathallo was as good as ever, maybe even better than ever. the only complaint is that they played all new songs, none that have been recorded yet. but they opened with a mostly percussive song, featuring snipping scissors and all kinds of other random instruments and it was amazing. they passed out balloons, and in the middle of the song, one guy came out and walked around popping them in rhythm with the music. it was beautiful. their set was good and better and best, and i've raved about them before, so we'll leave it at that.

and dave haller showed up! hooray! good to see you, haller.

joanna, anathallo was selling bunkbed nights CDs at their merch table. i told all my friends i knew the violin player and they worshipped me.

it was a very enjoyable evening.

church was nice this morning. there's plenty i could discuss here, but, you know how it goes. this afternoon is a joint birthday meal for erica and i. i FINALLY set up my record player, so hopefully this afternoon and this evening will consist of listening to my new records. happy sabbath.

oh, and one of the toll booth guys told me to "have a peaceful evening" as i pulled away from his booth. i loved it and decided to use it from now on. so, have a peaceful day.

it's a beautiful day and so far it's been spent doing laundry at the parent's house. laundry is such a laborious and frustrating chore.

tonight is looking to be very exciting as we will venture into philadelphia to see anathallo and saxon shore.

well, joe, my copy of 'come on feel the illinoise' is in the mail, and i think i am still pleased that i decided to wait. i was hoping to have it in my possession on july 5th, but alas, that did not happen. i am hoping to schedule a listening party where i'll have some friends over for chicago deep dish pizza (feel free to suggest any other illinois-themed food...i was coming up dry) and then we'll sit in the living room and listen to the whole cd, beginning to end, with very minimal talking.

listening to music is a lost art and i believe it should be done more often. i dont think artists intend to have their music be background noise.

take some time this summer to lay somewhere and listen to music. if it causes you to think, about life or work or death or play or something of that nature, that's ok, but try to have the listening be the main thing you're doing.

all for now. take care.

ps: i bought my copy of 'come on feel the illinoise' from village green records and ice cream in muncie, indiana, owned by jared chizzle himself. you should support him in this venture as well.

movie moments as of late:

- puerto vallarta, mexico. the bakery. in order to choose the pieces of bread you would like to purchase, the bakery gives you a tray and a pair of metal tongs. everyone walks around with said items, browsing through the variety of bread. i noticed the most beautiful thing one night: every single person who has set of tongs in their hands, and i mean every single person, involuntarily clicks them together as they walk around. it was beautiful.

- whitehall, pennsylvania. jo-ann fabrics. erica and i were gathering supplies for a decorative project at jo-ann's and i was on a mission to find the foam board. no doubt's "dont speak" was playing on the radio, and i decided to sing along somewhat loudly in my falsetto gwen stefani voice, mainly just to give people something to talk and snicker about. as i walked past one lady, though, an older woman, i heard her singing along just as loudly, and i'm pretty sure we bonded in that short moment.

- whitehall, pennsylvania. wal-mart. i spied a young african american girl pushing a cart and doing that rhythmic stepping stomping thing those kids do. i dont think she realized she was doing it. this too, was beautiful.

i like those three movie moments because they communicate our need for music and rhythm. moving on.

- bethlehem, pennsylvania. sycamore street. mark and heather and erica and i took a walk to see sycamore street, which is pretty much the most beautiful street in the united states, i think. it was dusk, and as we walked, i looked up and saw the night sky behind silhouettes of the tops of the tall sycamore trees and i felt like i was floating.

- whitehall, pennsylvania. fellowship community. as i drove in to work this morning, i approached the first stop sign at the first intersection. there was a man in his wheelchair, sitting by the stop sign, watching the cars file in. he was eating a snack out of a plastic baggie. he looked very content, like this was the best morning he had had in a long time.

there's more! there's more! but im out of time!

i just got a library card which is very exciting. i'm using the computers here. there are a lot of little city boys playing computer games, which is rather annoying, but they have been very polite so far and have impressed me with their courtesy. when i accidentally sat down at the computer used only for printing, one boy said, "excuse me, that computer is only for printing." embarrassed, i said, "oh, thanks," and got up to look for another open computer. he saw my confusion and pointed to an open one, "over there." embarrassed again, i said, "oh, thanks." i thought about adding an, "i'm new here," but i dont think he needed me to explain. another boy said "bless you" to an old woman who sneezed.

things are going well. remember to call us, and any other newlyweds you know. there's a phenomenon that happens, where, after two people get married, everyone stops calling them. i guess they are just giving them space or something, which is considerate, but after a week or so, we really are ready for some sort of social life. granted, i'm sure plenty of couples caught up in their little cloud 9 world could care less, but erica and i like you guys, so come on over and visit. we're getting a queen size bed soon for you to sleep on in the extra bedroom.

there are many things to discuss and fill you in on, but my time is limited. there have been many movie moments to tell you about, as well, and i will spend my time there, in a new post, so there you have it.

i miss you.

july fifth, two thousand and five

the alarm clock went off precisely at 5:00 am, and again ten minutes thereafter, following a much needed snooze.

the wife's coherence was limited to the knee-jerk hitting of the snooze button, and so the husband took it upon himself to gently yet persistently wake her up and coax her out of bed with small kisses, quiet pleas and minature pep talks. it was clear he knew the intense importance of doing these morning routines in a hushed and tender manner, doing all he could to keep the sacredness and sanity of this ungodly, mindless hour.

she eventually received that burst of motivation needed to open her eyes and swing her tired legs over the edge of the bed, in turn giving her the motivation and support needed to stand up and walk to the bathroom. he went to the kitchen and prepared her lunch first, placing it in a plastic bag for easy toting, and her breakfast second, placing it at the edge of the table to await the end of her shower.

all of this was happening, of course, while the midnight firecracker renegades were fast asleep after a night filled with obnoxious excitement, many of them knowing only the freedom of summer vacation rather than the responsibility of a job that wakes one up at five in the morning. it was an exciting night for them, indeed, but now the only visible remains were the empty lighters, the piles of ash quickly vanishing with the early morning breeze, the black marks of gunpowder at various precise placements on the sidewalks, and the sagging rings under the renegades' eyes as they awake several hours after the working couple, complaining of their tiredness and wondering what this next day of summer vacation will hold, especially now that they are fresh out of fireworks, not to mention money, which was all frivilously and urgently spent the week prior in preparation for this one special night, and not to mention something to plan for except for new years' eve, which is still a long six months away.

yesterday in my little daydream world i daydreamt about sufjan stevens doing a summer tour to celebrate the release of "come on feel the illinois." of course, since this album is going to be so epic, he would need a full band. and of course, the band would be made up of denison witmer, john ringenhofer, james mcallister, liz janes, and a few others, since they have all been part of team sufjan at some point in time. who would cover the horns? well, anathallo of course. so, then, naturally, the tour would become a beautiful lollapalooza of sorts, with the following lineup:

anathallo
liz janes
ester drang
half-handed cloud
(let's throw vollmar in just for kicks)
denison witmer
and sufjan stevens with his all-star illinoise team.

i know i'm a nerd, but honestly, i got chills thinking about it, in particular their live rendition of 'chicago.' honestly.

born into brothels and nobody knows last weekend. mad hot ballroom last night.

all dealing with somewhat similar subject matter in different ways. all three were heart warming, and the first two were simultaneously heart wrenching.

nobody knows was my favorite of the three. it was, i think, quite honestly, the most gorgeous film i have ever seen. every shot was breathtakingly beautiful. i kept comparing it to lost in translation: same beautiful cinematography, same pace, same minimal dialogue, and unique because of it. the children were amazing actors, very natural, and they brought the film to life. it was excellent. and very intriguing themes of innocence/childhood/responsibilities/and so on.

born into brothels was also beautiful. it had a very simliar feel to dark days. the children were adorable and their art was incredible. interesting themes of investing in people's lives without knowing what will come in return, and giving them the final say, and having it all be worthwhile no matter what results, which can be hard to grasp for our results-driven mentality.

mad hot ballroom is a crowd favorite lately, but allow me to be forthright in saying, as a documentary, it was very unimpressive. there was very little substance to it. VERY little. people are comparing it to spellbound, but make no mistake, spellbound stands head and shoulders above this one. now, that's not to say it isnt an enjoyable film. the dancing is incredible, the children are darling, and it is a feel good film for everyone to enjoy. it makes you mad you didnt learn how to dance when you were young, it makes you mad you cant dance now, and it makes you mad your school district isnt doing this program for your kids. the film is worth your while, but it could have been a lot better.

there you have it.

i wrote another post last night with the others, but got kicked off the library computer just as i was finishing up, and it got lost. sorry.

dont get too used to seeing posts from me. we have no internet access and do not plan on getting it i dont think. and the library, although it possesses a very decent DVD selection, is rather lame on the computer side of things.

right now i am at john's house so that i can apply for loan consolidation online. and i am wasting my time on this and must go. the days and nights are busy. much too busy.

so, call me.

history is the ebb and flow of extremes, the action of one side and the reaction of the opposite side. we must to study history, then, to find that oh-so-needed middle ground.

the other night my parents were visiting the apartment. as they left, i said down the stairwell, "good luck on your surgery, dad." realizing my faulty theology, i stuttered and corrected myself, "i mean, god bless on your surgery."

with a biting sarcasm he most definitely picked up from me, he replied dryly, "you're so spiritual," and walked out the door.

erica and i giggled and giggled. i think it was the funniest thing he ever said to me.

hello, again, real world. i wish i could say it's good to be back.

the wedding went off with only a few minor hitches, and those hitches weren't very noticeable to the guests. it was wonderful to have so many friends there, espeically my precious best men.

mexico was wonderful too. there are many stories i could tell, but we'll save that for another time. erica and i have decided, though, that from now on, in spanish circles, we will introduce each other as "mi esposa hermosa" and "mi esposo peligroso."

the apartment is a mess and mowing starts tomorrow. should be a great time. this stuff is stressful.

i will not have internet access besides the bethlehem library, so these might come few and far between. but there may be an important change to this thing in the near future, so stay tuned. oooooooooo.

yep, i forgot to use the certain dri last night. but the show must go on.

t minus seven and a half hours.

wish you were here.

upon jamin's suggestion, i picked up some very heavy-duty anti-perspirant called certain dri. it's so heavy-duty, in fact, that you put it on the night before, at bedtime.

now who in the world is going to remember to put on deoderant before going to sleep?!? i've had it for a week and have only remembered once. but as long as i remember tonight, we'll be set.

well, hey, in case you haven't heard, i'm getting married tomorrow. TOMORROW! so you may not hear from me for a week or two. take care of yourselves. behave and all.

just got back from a "bachelor party" with mark and heather. heather has been concerned with "pampering the groom" all day. i'll take what i can get. but tonight's party was filled with all kinds of excitement. we fixed our cravings with some big bacon classics, and then conquered frederick street - the steepest street known to man - in a stick-shift car. it was all very exciting.

i think it's all starting to hit me. slowly but surely. it's all a very weird feeling.

one of the weirdest parts is that i find myself thinking that the whole world is in the frantic tizzy we are in. i go to walmart and everyone's son or daughter is getting married this weekend. the anticipation is in the air and everyone is completing their last minute errands. everyone asks each other, "well, almost ready? hanging in there? getting excited?" all other weekend plans are out the window, this is wedding weekend, for everyone, everywhere.

something didn't look quite right with this picture...

i was driving down gun club road in coopersburg. i noticed that i was approaching a pedestrian on the right hand side.

as i got closer, i recognized an attractive young man, about the age of 19 or so, wearing flip-flops and shorts, shirtless, exposing a very tan and chiseled upper body, with blonde hair, and carrying a large, long, red object.

as i passed, i noticed it was a surf board.

the closest body of water was a small pond filled with geese.

the song that nate su will be playing at the wedding just arrived in my inbox and it is absolutely beautiful. if he recorded a CD of hymns, it would blow mine out of the water.

note to self: it would not hurt to keep glasses on while driving at night in order to see important things, such as signs, small animals, other cars, and roads.

i've decided not to wear my glasses at the wedding.

in order to get my eyes in shape, starting today, i'm no longer wearing them. so far so good. no bad headaches yet.

if we get the rehearsal and i can't see who is walking down the aisle, perhaps i'll reconsider.

one week and counting. whew.

several people have asked me if i /have/have gotten/will get/ cold feet. i suppose it depends what your definition of cold feet is, but i think i got them for the first time last night. it lasted for five minutes or so. i think it is healthy, though, to acknowledge that in reality, things will not always be easy, beautiful, or flawless. and if that's what having cold feet is, or what results from having cold feet, so be it.

and let's remember that the beauty is found when love and redemption still find a way to come out of things that aren't easy, beautiful, or flawless.

All that was going on in life and we never noticed...Oh, earth, you're too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?--every, every minute?

this being 10 days before the wedding, we are now able to predict the weather via the 10-day forecast.

there's good news and bad news.

the bad? friday: 60% chance of rain.
the good? saturday: 77 degrees and only a 10% chance of rain.

whoever doesnt want to be partying in mushy grass better start praying now.

speaking of records to salivate to, listening to their one sided LP last night with wesley further proved the notion that six parts seven are a force to be reckoned with. they are quickly taking a second place seat behind explosions in the sky. long ago i pledged my allegience to unwed sailor, but if they don't get their act together, they could easily be left in the dust.

sleeping late is a wonderful thing, a thing in which i didn't have much experience at all this past year.

the ukulele is a fun little toy. i've been playing it quite a bit. it is hard to view it as a real instrument, though. it has several very toyish characteristics, and i feel a little weird playing it. i'm sure i look a little weird, too. perhaps a picture is in order here.

wesley got me salivating for records last night when he showed me his recent vinyl purchases. we sat and listened and salivated. i promised myself i wouldnt buy any until i found a job, but i found various ways to justify it in my mind and went on a small shopping spree this morning. whoops.

so tonight's the night for american idol, huh? taylor says that, even though she and her mom and her mom-moms want carrie to win, she thinks that bo will win because he has a better personality. i'm still trying to figure out the hype.

have a good wednesday.

no, but seriously, did any of us really realize what was happening on saturday morning? for that matter, did any of us really realize what was happening over the past four years? and why must things come to such hurried endings? four long years waiting for this day, and 24 hours later i'm in coopersburg, still not realizing i won't make that trip again any time soon, typing on my parents' slow computer, still not fully realizing what exactly will take place in the next less-than-2-weeks.

what a crazy time of life this is and will continue to be.

i graduated on saturday and i don't even know it. not yet.

we all got funny sunburns on our foreheads.

my parents chose to encourage my bad habit of collecting instruments i can't play. the latest addition is a fiiine looking ukulele. erica's parents chose to encourage further spending on music i can't afford, now in the vinyl format. i'll now have a fancy sony turntable in my livingroom, the record player i've been longing for all these years. and the cassels? they know i graduated magna cum laude, but judging by the book they gave me, i'm pretty sure they mistakenly think i just received my phd.

it was a joyous weekend. now it's 2 weeks on the go, then mexico, then maxing and relaxing in bethlehem.

it's not that i'm all together against sentimentality. it's more that, after this year, i have very little to be sentimental about. appreciative? oh yes indeed. sentimental? not really.

the house that used to stand one block over is now a flattened lot of dirt. i've spent the week wondering if anybody else besides me is depressed by its sight.

the other day i ran into randy on campus and he said, "hi, nate." i have no idea how he knows my name, and it terrified me, i think mostly because it's a lot harder to criticize someone behind their backs when you know he knows your name.

the busyness of packing and leaving is in the air today. i'm relaxed and happy and i'm wondering why i was in such a hurry to leave all the other years. a long-distance girlfriend is an understandable answer, i suppose.

i'm going to start a college that has, at the very least, periodic week long breaks where you're required to stay on campus. wouldn't it be great to be at college with nothing to do?

while walking to the DC, in light of the recent discussion on trashmen a few posts down, i waved to the guys driving the garbage truck. i tried to make the wave as thankful-looking and dignifying as possible.

why is it that it took me seven semesters to be ready and excited to learn? why is it that, after eight, the majority of my classmates still aren't ready and excited to learn?

i ran into two people at the DC, one right after the other, and both tried getting sentimental with me. they started the, "well hey, if i don't see you after this" speech. i didnt know them all that well and i didnt see much point in returning the sentimentality. i felt sorry for not taking them very seriously but i dont want to spend my final days wasting sappy goodbyes on people i dont know.

and for the people i do know, i just dont like the sentimental thing. how do you say goodbye to someone who means so much to you and who, in some cases, you'll never see again? it's a fact of life and sometimes i think it's best to do quickly and matter-of-factly. so if i treat you that way this week, don't be offended. and i probably wont be able to express how much you mean to me in person, and i'll probably end up writing you a cowardly letter a few weeks down the road, or even worse, an email.

one doesnt understand the importance and the excitement and the depth of meaning in graduation until he is experiencing it himself. all the other years i could care less about the seniors graduating. now i'm here and i'm expecting everyone to look at me and make a big deal out of it. it's pretty amazing stuff, really. so all of you who were seniors in the past, i'm excited for you now, it's just a few years late. and to the underclassmen who arent excited, it's ok, i understand.

i watched david's zimbabwe movie and i was impressed. i really was, david.

la bambas tonight, huh? good thing.

i dont know. i guess that's all for now.

there are many many events and going-ons this week and i cant keep track of them all, so if there is an event or going-on that i'm not at, i may be forgetting about it, and you may need to call me. thank you.

and just like that, 2 hours later, i'm done with my college career.

we saved the toughest for last, but i think i handled it well. i had very little motivation to study last night, and when i figured out i somehow only needed a 77 on the final to get an A in the class, what little motivation i did have instantly disappeared. but i did fine.

i've learned a lesson with finals. i always stress myself out about studying, and when i dont have any motivation to study, i just sit there in my room, wasting time, waiting for the motivation to hit, which never happens. but i always do fine on the tests anyway. so, underclassmen...if you do well in the class, you'll do fine on the final. don't study, and don't try to study, just have fun and enjoy your week, cuz that is much more productive. if only i could have gotten that through my head early on.

time to relax and party and do something fun. who's up for a quick trip to canada?

three posts in one day and i'm sorry. but i'm visiting the foxhole website and i think they deserve to be mentioned. from what i hear they are pretty great and i regret not going to see them at the firehouse, but what can i say? mewithoutyou outside at iwu is stiff competition. while instrumental music is becoming a common fad, i dont think it will ever be popular and i'm not sure why not but it's just as well because we all know what i would do if it would becoming popular and i'm sick of that happening.

speaking of popular bands, did you hear everything, now! beat out oasis on the CMJ charts?

last week we were discussing capitalism and materialism in history class.

we talked about how the american dream is defined by the accumulation of "stuff" rather than being content or building relationships or whathaveyou and how devastatingly sad that is.

we talked about if and how this appears in christianity and church and our campus.

but that's when dr. messer took the floor and kept it for a while and i was more or less blown away. he talked about how there is a notion that taylor students are white affluent rich snob spoiled brats and he went on to say that he disagrees. he pointed out the money we have raised for different causes lately. he pointed out the four or five education majors in the room "who have chosen a life of voluntary poverty." he gave other examples and told us that he believed very few taylor students buy into the so-called american dream.

i wasn't completely sure i agreed with him totally, but i marveled at the hope and the positive outlook he possessed. it was beautiful and inspiring.

as i've mentioned in some way or another, i identify with dr. messer in many ways. granted, he is much wiser, more experienced, more eloquent, more active, and so on, but i see his love of learning and thinking and his rooting for the underdogs in myself. but that day in class i saw a major difference. this love of thinking tends to lead me to cynicism and negativity, and somehow, he is able to avoid that.

as i've also mentioned before, i'm trying to give up my cynicism. i want to ask dr. messer how he does it and haven't yet, but all of this got me thinking about it more.

the avoidance of cynicism is found in joy. and while i thought that was the answer, you can't say, "millions are dying of AIDS and racism is still prevelant in america, but let's just be happy instead." so where does the joy come from?

i think the answer to that one is hope. and the hope comes from carefully choosing where you place your focus. and when you choose your focus and find your hope, it's much easier to be joyful. millions are dying of AIDS, but the hope comes in when we focus on people who are doing things about it. racism is still prevelant in america, but the hope comes in when we see reconciliation efforts and awareness and so on. am i making sense?

of course, as in all things, there is a very necessary healthy balance somewhere in there. if we focus only on the hope and the joy, we walk around with blinders on and don't feel the need to make anything better. (as richard hughes would put it, we'd be buying into the myth of the innocent nation.) if we focus only on the problems and the negativity, we're too mad and grumpy to do anything but complain and get depressed, and in our cynicism, we fail to see the possibility for change, which leads to a graceless and loveless life.

i think dr. spiegel said the other week that cyncism says people won't change.

maybe some things are beyond hope, but even then there is the hope that one day "redemption will come to us all."

so, i dont know if any of this made sense or not, and while i don't have things figured out, and while this is much easier said than done for some of us, i think i'm learning a few things.

one final down, two to go today, four to go in all.

each year i have fairly good intentions for studying. they never last long.

last night i decided not to study for today's finals at all. the plan worked for math. i just got in a reasonable amount of study time for contemp, so that will be fine as well. it's rather pointless to study for PE anyway, because the woman can't write grammatically correct, reasonable, or clear questions, so you never know how to answer even if you theoretically know all the answers.

i'll be fine.

art is tomorrow, and that is a joke. the woman doesn't have the heart to give you anything less than an A even if you get all the questions wrong.

history is on wednesday, and i will study for that one, i promise. but he's a nice man and is going to make this one easier than the rest as some sort of reward or something, so that's all reassuring.

so we're in good shape.

so, last day of classes. bizarre, huh? i spent the day wondering when it would hit me.

it didn't hit me in math class. i think i was too tired.

it almost hit me in chapel. to begin, a woman's ensemble with piano, flute, and a sweet sweet oboe sang an absolutely beautiful rendition of the 23rd psalm. it was the first time the 23rd psalm was truly meaningful to me, i think. immediately afterwards an awkward prayer was given, proclaiming that we were honoring and giving thanks to dr. gyertson. first, it was odd that the chapel was being held to honor dr. gyertson. second, it was odd that that was being announced in a prayer. "dear lord, just so you know, we're not worshipping you today, the focus is gonna be on dr. g instead, but we just wanted to make you aware ahead of time so you arent offended." i'm exaggerating, i know, but immediately after such a beautiful song, it was just somewhat disheartening. so all that to say, i thought it was going to hit me in chapel, but it didn't.

it didn't hit me when frenchy and i took a lap around the loop with alice cooper's "school's out" blasting on the stereo and me singing at the absolute top of my lungs. it didn't hit me, but that was awfully fun.

i think it finally hit me unexpectedly in history class when dr. messer had the 8 freshmen give the 4 seniors a congratulatory round of applause. at that moment my body filled up with joy and relief, and a quick glimpse of a movie of the past four years flashed through my brain, thinking of how i've, by god's grace, grown and changed and matured. class continued with some challenging and meaningful conversation. it was very fitting to end my college classroom career there, in a class that has been based on the ideas and mindsets i have come to develop at taylor. the growth i've experienced at taylor could be best summed up in the way that class was taught: a love of learning, a love of thinking, and a love for others, particularly the underdogs. walking out of that room and through those cramped hallways was a bittersweet chore.

and on a different note, richard hughes saved his best thoughts for the last chapter, so you're going to have to deal with one more post of quotes. the myth of the innocent nation. it's a doosey.

no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks...school's out forever!

let's put it this way. today, i wouldn't be opposed to crawling into bed and staying there until the middle of next week. i'm not exactly tired, though, so it wouldn't be all that useful.

"I say that you ought to get rich, and it is your duty to get rich. How many of my pious brethren say to me, 'Do you, a Christian minister, spend your time going up and down the country advising young people to get rich, to get money?' 'Yes, of course I do.' They say, 'Isn't that awful! Why don't you preach the gospel instead of preaching about man's making money?' 'Because to make money honestly is to preach the gospel.' That is the reason. The men who get rich may be the most honest men you find in the community." - Russell Conwell, Baptist preacher of the early 1900's

"Do you wonder why there are anarchists in this country, in this grand land of liberty, as you love to call it? Go to New York. Go through the byways and alleys of that greaty city. Count the myriads starving; count the multiplied thousands who are homeless; number those who work harder than slavesa nd live on less and have fewer comforts than the meanest slaves. You will be dumbfounded by you discoveries, you who have paid no attention to these poor, save as objects of charity and comiseration. They are not objects of charity, they are the victims of the rank injustice that permeates the system of government, and of political economy that holds sway from the Atlantic to Pacific...But almost their equal is found among the miners of the West, who dwell in squalor and wear rags, that the capitalists, who control the earth, that should be free to all, may add still further to their millions. Oh, there are plenty of reasons for the existence of anarchists!" - Lucy Albert, 1886, an address after her husband was sentenced to death for being a coleader of the Central Labor Union.

"Few today would agree with Russell Conwell taht 'the men who get rich may be the most honest men you find in the community.' Americans have seen far too much corruption to subscribe to that proposition. But a great many privileged Americans would agree in pinciple with Henry Ward Beecher's dictum that 'no man in this land suffers from poverty unless it be more than his fault - unless it be his sin.' Those who remain on the bottom rungs of society, according to the common wisdom, should simply 'pull themselves up by their bootstraps,' and their failure to do so only demonstrates their moral turpitude. Many never consider that some Americans have neither boots nor bootstraps on which to pull...

...The fact that Americans are addicted to wealth as a narcotic and to material goods for the meaning of life poses significant problems for the future of the nation and even for the future of the world. What will this addiction mean for the moral health of the nation? What will this addiction mean for the world's environment on which all life finally depends? And since this addiction relies so heavily on radical individualism, what will it ultimately mean for human relationships and the possibility of forging meaningful community? What will this addiction mean for our ability as Americans to implement the American Creed for all the people, not just for the privileged and well-to-do?" -Richard Hughes, 2004, Myths America Lives By

this one's dedicated to yoder.

sorry for all the quotes. i havent been thinking or doing much lately, i guess.