"I think I should have children because I need to do the world a favor by contributing my seed to its future."
-kyle mangum

sorry for talking about bio all the time, but we learned the other day that neurons or something only last 20 minutes or something like that, i dont know. basically our prof said that it was best if we studied in 20 minute intervals and take a break and go for another 20 minutes. well, ive definitely been putting that into practice studying for history tonight, but not necessarily on purpose. more because my attention span lasts a whole lot less than my neurons ever will.

just got out of bio. i have been blessed this semester with not having very many sleepy 12:00 classes after lunch..usually its a struggle but this semester things have been pretty good. not so today. those grilled cheeses hit me like a ton of bricks and i could not keep my eyes open. man.
the concert last nightw as pretty good. i was a little nervous about running sound but it went really well. joy electric was great...for some reason i hate his cd's but i always like him a lot when i see him live. i dont know why, cuz its not really any different, but, its just enjoyable. ronnie's a super nice guy, too, which always makes things fun.
mike knott, well, he was interesting. i think he was mostly drunk, which made things kinda funny, but pretty sad at the same time. his music is really good, especially his lyrics, but, it was more just him making a fool out of himself last night. which is really ashame. for those of you unaware, he's kinda like a forefather of christian rock kinda deal...he looks like johnny cash and is just about as old...and has struggled with alcoholism pretty much all of his life. so yeah.
and stuff like that.

yeah, so, after getting a little bit done tonight, im realizing i have a whole lot more this week than i was even aware of. and i was aware of a lot.

animal crackers never get stale. it really is a beautiful thing.

the new white stripes is really good. i think i need to be a music journalist so i could get lots of free cds.

+the day is finally over. hooray for no more crazy craziness.
+i struggled to stay awake in my last two classes, came back to the room, got my suit off as fast as possible, and laid down for a nap at 4:00. woke up at 6:30 just in time to make it to dinner. i was hoping to eat by myself since it was so late, but lots of guys showed up to eat with me. oh well. i was also hoping it would be raining when i walked back to the dorm, but that didnt happen either. oh well.
+yeah, so, im just really tired i think. theres just a lot coming up in the next few weeks and things are conflicting and blah blah blah and i just dont feel like sorting through it all. just the end-of-the-year-day-after-going-non-stop-for-four-days syndrome i guess.
+im listening to the new cool hand luke and its a lot better than their live show. i dig it. speaking of music, this was supposed to be the week of rock, seeing the billions and violet burning tonight in muncie, joy e and mike knott tomorrow, and pedro on wednesday, but by the looks of it i'll only be seeing/running sound for the show tomorrow. which is just as well because if i went to these other shows i would have to find a lot of money for a lot of cds.
enough of this nonsense. have a good night.

What's the matter with the clothes I'm wearing?
"Can't you tell that your tie's too wide?"
Maybe I should buy some old tab collars?
"Welcome back to the age of jive
Where have you been hidin' out lately, honey?
You can't dress trashy till you spend a lot of money"
Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new sound
Funny, but it's still rock and roll to me

What's the matter with the car I'm driving?
"Can't you tell that it's out of style?"
Should I get a set of white wall tires?
"Are you gonna cruise a miracle mile?
Nowadays you can't be too sentimental
You best bet's a true baby blue Continental"
Hot funk, cool punk, even if it's old junk
It's still rock and roll to me

Oh, it doesn't matter what they say in the papers
'Cause it's always been the same old scene
There's a new band in town
But you can't get the sound from a story in a magazine...
Aimed at your average teen

How about a pair of pink sidewinders
And a bright orange pair of pants?
"You could really be a Beau Brummel baby
If you just give it half a chance
Don't waste your money on a new set of speakers
You get more mileage from a cheap pair of sneakers"
Next phase, new wave , dance craze, anyways
It's still rock and roll to me

What's the matter with the crowd I'm seeing?
"Don't you know that their out of touch?"
Should I try to be a straight 'A' student?
"If you are then you think too much
Don't you know about the new fashion honey?
All you need are looks and a whole lotta money"
It's the next phase, new wave , dance craze, anyways
It's still rock and roll to me
Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new sound
Funny, but it's still rock and roll to me

the weekend's over, feels weird to be in my room during the day. this is the first ive been in my room for something other than changing or sleeping since 1:00 friday afternoon. whew.
being switchfoot's cheuffer wasnt all it was cracked up to be. they stacked all their equipment on the front seat of the van so we couldnt really even see them let alone talk to them. they were super nice though and it was fun to hang out with them a little. the concert was really good. they are impressive musicians. great guys.
but interacting with them the little bit i did, and hearing them talk and stuff, reminded me that i would never want to be in a band full-time. i just dont like mixing music with business. there's more to it than that, but i'll leave it at that.
something kinda funny/ironic happened on the way home...after nate and i dropped them off at the airport we went to best buy. we were about to leave when we hear the dj on the loudspeaker announce switchfoot and they played one of their new songs. kinda weird we had just spent the weekend with them and had just dropped them off then hear them playing in best buy.
so, you'd think id be done running around like a headless chicken, but, campus visitation day starts tonight, so i still have one more day of running around. woo.
later on.

This is how we've come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificiallyfor our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselved. If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God's love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.

My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God! We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we're doing what he said, we're doing what pleases him.

For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.

(bits and pieces of 1 john 3..the message)

just got back from working the 6-8 AM shift at the info desk. it consisted of playing accordion with su and throwing one water balloon outside. the rest was boredom.
this is all i have eaten since 11:00 yesterday morning, and im starting to feel sick because of it, but no time for breakfast, gotta wait til lunch:
2 packs of pop tarts
2 oatmeal pies
1 apple
1 granola bar
1 twix bar
1 orange

im getting nervouser and nervouser to try and find my way around indy and the airport in a 15 passenger van with rock stars.
bye.

sorry for all of the uninformative posts. like you care. i feel like nobody reads this thing cuz nobody comments. who am i kidding, nobody DOES read this thing. whatever.
anyway...the weather is pretty crappy today. cold and cold and rainy.
i just made a graduation card for kileigh and christen and jonie, cuz they graduate tomorrow. i ran it over to the house and no one was home, but i went in to put the card in there, and everything's all torn down and packed up. it was kind of really sad. not like im best friends with them or anything, but i enjoy them. and saying goodbye means im gonna have to say goodbye to nate and bryce and coaster and all the other seniors real soon. i guess i was just never fond of saying goodbyes. the goodbyes arent the bad part, i guess. its just trying to keep in contact with old friends and it gets really superficial and annoying, and then you see them again and its really awkward, and its just kinda the worst feeling ever. part of life i suppose.
youth conference is this weekend. im still not exactly sure what my job is, but i guess i'll just be running around helping wherever needs help, and picking switchfoot up from the airport tomorrow. should be fun i suppose. just wish the weather wasnt so gross. tomorrow bryce has the kids playing "crud wars." he bought 4 octupus and 4 buffalo headed fish to have fun with. hahahahahahahahaha......pure genius. something like 50 cans of shaving cream and 25 cans of spam too.
by the way, i had spam for the first time in haiti...and it was pretty good. nothing to be scared of after all. the one morning we woke up to all the ladies in the kitchen saying "SPOM. SPOM." while the lady who knew english was trying to correct their pronunciation.
enough of this nonsense. peace out foos!!!!

biology sure is an informative class. found out today that when you sweat you excrete urine. who knew.

correction to the large fungus post. i just read in my book that they found a fungus in washington state that was 1,500 acres and i remember dr. moore saying the one in michigan was bigger than the one in washington, so maybe it was a little more than 30 acres. which makes sense cuz if it's moving to other counties, it would be more than 30 acres. 3,000 acres maybe? anyway, it's big.

MAN...where do they get this music from?!?! please refer back to my "i'll never be a songwriter" post.

wow, uh, yeah, i think it's safe to say ester drang is growing on me. some pretty genius stuff. hopefully i'll get to see them on wednesday in chi-town. thats chicago for you uncool people.

im tired. but all in all, life is good.
erica's done with school today. iwu, too, i think. must be nice.

im tired.
taught math class this morning. we just played a game. it was kinda crazy but fun and good.
the teacher does a thing where depending on how good they are they get a certain number of minutes, and if they get 15 minutes by the end of the week they get an extra recess. well, we're usually allowed to give them 1, 2, or 3 minutes at the end of our time. today they were good, and we were gonna give them three, but we jokingly said zero, and then they told us to roll the dice we played with to determine the number of minutes. so we said, heck, why not, and we rolled, and they got a 1. suckers.

kyle just got me yelling about worship. boy am i heated.
the biggest thing that made me yell at the top of my lungs is when i pointed out that third day has a worship album dedicated to their fans. ohhhhhhh boy dont even get me started.

ive listened to ghoti hook r.i.p. more. im pleased.
ive listened to ester drang more. it's growing.
im going to the library now. i hate the library. i might be there a while, too. which makes it even worse.

today, biology consisted a lot of talking about all the weird types of parasitic worms. for some reason i laughed through the entire thing.
our teacher told a priceless story, one of those stories where you are just left in disbelief...its just too good, and too funny, to be true.
now, i was kinda falling asleep, and incoherent, so im sure i missed a lot of it...but when he was in middle school, he was playing football, and the school's field was the practice field where all the people in town walked their dog and and allowed them to deficate. (it was new jersey, of course.) well, apparently, dr. moore fell and his face landed in a pile of crap. several weeks later he was mugged at a football game (it was new jersey, of course) and this dislodged a worm he got from this pile of crap...he was able to "pass it"....it was 9 inches long.
what are the chances, really? what are the chances of: falling into a pile of crap, a worm being in that pile of crap, being mugged, and having that mugging dislodge a 9 inch worm.
he also talked about the pin worms that come out of your anus at night when you're alseep when your sphincter is relaxed and they lay eggs on your butt cheeks.
i just couldnt stop laughing. probably the word sphincter had something to do with it. and worms in general.

so, there's really only two kinds of prospective students, and both are extremes.
one type is the cocky kid who thinks he owns the place, probably in an attempt to cover up some deep-seeded insecurity or at least to cover up being uncomfortable around a bunch of college kids. he comes in, turns the tv on, plays your cds, eats your food, helps himself to whatever's in the fridge, etc. he makes fun of you in front of your friends, talks trash when playing video games (only to get beat in the end), etc etc etc. he is way too outgoing for a prospective.
the other type is the kid who is scared to death, shy, uncomfortable, and polite. you offer him the tv, your cds, your food, whatevers in the fridge, but he turns all of them down and would rather sit on the couch and stare at the wall. you do several things to try to get him to show some sign of life in general without much success. he is much more tolerable than the cocky outgoing kid, but it makes for a very awkward night.
i had the second type last night. he was a severe case.

well, if you'd like to read my thoughts on abortion, click here. i figured i'd post it on my website instead of posting ten pages on here. sorry for all the annoying hyphens, it took me long enough just to make paragraphs, i wasnt about to go and delete all those. all in all its kinda rough..but i guess not bad for sitting down and cranking it out. i think i made pretty good support for my case without prooftexting...which was the focus of the assignment. we'll see. it was a good assignment and i learned something. thats what college is all about, right?
i dont feel like typing anything else, ive been sitting here way too long.
goodnight.

paper's going well i think. i have an overnight and i feel kinda bad for him. so far his exciting stay at taylor university has consisted of eating dinner at the DC and sitting on my couch doing crossword puzzles.

my strawberry rhubarb pie was a sloppy, soggy mess, and it kind of tasted like the cool whip container it was transported in, but all in all it was a pleasant way to start the day.
i took my nap in history class. whoops.
not much point in putting unwed sailor in last night, i think i was asleep before the first 30-second track was over.
the tricky part about writing absolutes (see below) is that i keep wanting to say things like "absolutes ARE dangerous" or "there are ALWAYS exceptions" and so on...kinda contradictory...so i have to watch myself i suppose.
like you care.

ive had the urge to dye my hair black as of late. not in a poser kind of way, more like a girl who wants to do something different with her hair for a change kind of way. the only thing thats holding me back is finding a ride to wal mart and finding the money to buy it, which are two very big holder backers.
i drank a lot of water tonight for some reason and i think im gonna have to wake up several times.
kyle's not here tonight and i'd be lying if i said i dont like having the room to myself.
i have a tour tomorrow, for two stinkin people. come on. just get a campus map and give yourself a stupid tour. two people. whats the use. maybe i should call in sick. right.
i just have lots to say tonight i guess.
su and i have been discussing playing over the summer. boy would it be nice. im definitely up for a few shows here and there, but anything extensive is pretty undoable. if i didnt have a family and girlfriend 11 hours away, i would move to cleveland for the summer and work for him at the stone company and play shows every week. but i dont really want to give up 3 months in PA. if my family lived in indiana and i saw them more during the year, it'd be totally different. but since i never see them i kinda like the summer. but if i cant find a job in PA maybe all this will change.
its nice to have a family that i enjoy. im realizing more and more how rare that is, even on a christian campus.
enough jibber jabber, time to put in unwed sailor and fall asleep. i am really wiped out and should have been in bed long before this. always kind of funny how i get less sleep on breaks than i do at school. im tired. i have a feeling a nap is in place for tomorrow. how tempting it is to skip history in the morning...........oh......................boy oh boy.......................ive gotta stop these thoughts.

after a couple listens to the new ester drang, im very disappointed. hopefully some growing-on will ensue.
after a listen to the newer morella's forest, some great pop writing, but i miss the experimental noise feel of previous records.
i like movies with heroes but not in clover.
vroom is good but his voice is weak and awkward at points, and production is pretty poor.
ghoti hook live, from what i hear, is sloppy and raw, but captures the energy and fun pretty well. if i released the record though, i would put the concert in its entirety - no edits or cuts.
im becoming more and more opinionated with my music. and although its not quite as much fun as loving everything, it's good to know i still have a backbone. it also means i have to buy a lot less cds.

page 1 - introduction - ??
Absolutes can be dangerous. Holding beliefs – particularly about moral principles – with rigid certainty can lead to some interesting dilemmas. For example, scientists’ findings are never absolute; the one experiment where different results are produced is the one experiment that disproves the original beliefs. Similar to those different findings, in one’s life, there will be unique circumstances that challenge positions held as absolutes. As the saying goes, there are exceptions to every rule. Unfortunately, the Christian community is all too often guilty of holding these faulty absolute positions: absolutely no Catholics will enter heaven, all homosexuals are going to hell, there is no validity to the evolutionary theory whatsoever, abortion is always wrong, and the list continues. Sometimes absolutes are necessary in the Christian community. There are commands and principles discussed in the Bible that make things very clear, and these should be held with unwavering certainty. When dealing with gray areas and moral principles, however, a certain degree of openness is necessary.
The only possible way to hold these absolute beliefs is when the issues are so far removed from the person. The Christian does not know of a Catholic passionate about his relationship with Christ, or of a homosexual accepting God’s grace and striving to live a life pleasing to the Father, or of scientific evidence supporting evolution, or of a zealous Christian facing the issue of abortion. Christians who hold these absolutes do not come in contact with any of these – the issues are removed from the person. In these Christians’ minds, the only people who face abortion are irresponsible teenage girls and selfish, unfaithful women – ultimately, sinners! Life begins at conception, and when these sinners take the life of this unborn child, they are committing murder. There is no question in their minds. Naivety and close-mindedness dominate these positions. But when a challenging scenario happens to a close friend or family member, an absolute is finally challenged, and possibly changed. There are exceptions to every rule, and thus, beliefs must be held loosely.

i ate my entire bag of jelly beans and now im kinda sick and my mouth has that burnt kind of candy feeling. i was planning on eating my strawberry rhubarb pie tonight, but i dont think it's such a wise decision. perhaps for breakfast in the morning?
ive been trying to start this abortion paper for the past 2 hours without success. i think i'll get started now. our prof gave us a website of some guy saying why abortion is actually biblical...thats right, why abortion is biblical, not the other way around. the guy, for the most part, makes a pretty good argument. so much so that writing a good paper seems pretty much hopeless at this point. how am i supposed to write about biblical support for anti-abortion when there supposedly isnt any? all part of the thinking i like to yell about, i guess. which is what our prof was getting at. i was never good at debating.

i'll never be a songwriter
i curse the 19 years that have ingrained irreversable and oh so feeble 4/4 time signatures and 4 chord progressions onto my brain.

im back. a long ride but just fine. but i think the seats in her car gave me chronic scoliosis.

made it home at 4:00am. good to be here. the trip wasnt terribly awkward. this girl was pretty cool...she liked to drive really fast, and we only made one stop the entire trip to eat, get gas, and go to the bathroom. alright!! she's my kind of driver.
today i get to pick erica up from school and i cant wait.
not much other than that for now. i am glad to be home. have a good easter break everyone. hurrah.

we found out in biology class that the largest organism in the country (maybe the world, im not sure) is a fungus growing underground. it takes up 30 acres in michigan and is still growing...spreading into different counties. dang.

my snot has changed to a really frightening shade of orangey yellow.

today im running around like a madman desparately trying to finish everything i blew off last night. its a lot of fun.
last night was enjoyable. went to iwu to see a rock and roll show. saxon shore was pleasant, although they played sloppily and in general just not as well as friday night. enjoyable to hear them again though. a band from CA called number one gun played...and while i was expecting them to be lame and unoriginal, and while they were kind of unoriginal, they were a pleasant surprise. i enjoyed them quite a bit. cool hand luke closed, and im not sure if i like them or not, i cant really figure it out. an enjoyable night nevertheless.
su and i jammed for the first time in a very long time when we got back. we just worked on one song, mostly, but it was fun. pulled out the accordion for a little which was fun and pleasant. ive used the word pleasant a lot. su would record the guitar part and let that play, take over on the bass, while i fooled around on the accordion. his fiddling on the bass put me to shame and reminded me how terrible i am at song writing, but, what can you do.
then su and yoder took me to steak and shake. i was pleased with the opportunity, because, i never go with them and always want to. i felt like a cool college kid for once, not going to bed before 1. well, as i finished my meal, i was overcome by an unstoppable sleepiness. i was falling asleep at the table left and right, just couldnt keep my eyes open, i was going delirious. same thing happened in the car but worse..and su and yoder were talking to me to try and get me to say weird things and it worked. apparently i told them i had to dress up today, which isnt true at all, but i must have been dreaming about something that made me say that. i was so mad..the one night i try to stay up late and have fun with friends im a loser and cant keep my eyes open. oh well. needless to say, i dont remember much of last night as a result.
time to get stuff done.
see you pennsylvanians soooooooon!

we were asked to bring pictures into class to make collages. it was an honors class, so we were all intelligent, aspiring students. all a mere 15 or 16 years of age, but, similar to every age in life, we thought we were much older, or, at the very least, mature for our age. a friend of mine sat in the same group of desks as mine. i was aware of his growing up in the church, but in my righteous and extensive wisdom and discernment, wasn't sure what kind of role it played in his life, if any role at all. i was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. he pulled out a picture for his collage, of which he was quite proud. a picture of an angry protestor holding a sign boldly proclaiming, "GOD HATES FAGS." he chuckled as he showed several people. when it was shown to me, there were several girls around my classmate saddened by the picture, insisting this was a terrible thing to say, if nothing else, a terrible thing to bring to class in laughter. they came to me looking for some assurance, some agreement. i looked at the picture. knowing they were defending these sinners, and knowing they were upset with christians for their intolerance, i firmly stood my ground. i laughed with my friend, looked up at the girls, and said in my righteous, extensive wisdom and discernment, "well....it's true."

i saw smoke billowing east of campus. i think this means today was the day they burned the plains grass across the road, which means its the second year in a row ive missed the excitement.
speaking of excitement, saxon shore stayed up here on the floor last night. i thought one of the guys would stay in my room, but they ended up all staying in jamin's room. i got them free lunch on the admissions office. nice to see their smiling faces again. and they freeloaded their way onto the bill at indiana wesleyan tonight, so i'll get to see them again which is also enjoyable.
ive worked ahead and have all my work finished, just need to do a math assignment and work ahead on my biology paper. i have a feeling i wont get much done, but i'll try.
yep, definitely going home with a girl i dont know with no one else in the car. it'll be a long trip. and she drives stick which means i cant help drive which reminds me i was thinking about going out to get a lesson or two from bear today. but, not like i'd really feel comfortable driving stick for the second time of my life with a complete stranger. whatever.
stuff like that.

everyone hates the crappy soap that comes out of the dispensers in public bathrooms, right? well not any more!!! they've put this soap in all of ours that smells like sweet fresh pure coconut nectar. boy is it ever a pleasant experience. now they just need paper towels that dont make your hands smell like cardboard.

its one of those nights where the second i sit down on my couch i fall asleep for an hour.

well, while im still avoiding going to bed....
i more/less discovered on friday night how weird and creepy blogs really are. josh tillman, the drummer for saxon shore, has a blog that i ready quite frequently, as i have mentioned several times before. and as i interacted with him friday night, i realized that it was really quite creepy i know so much about this guy and he has absolutely no idea. i wanted to bring up his job, his friends, or all the silly things he write about, but then realized how odd that would be for a complete stranger to start talking to him like a best friend. who knows, maybe he reads mine and was thinking the same thing. probably not. but seriously...there are little internet cafe's in the middle of haiti of all places...so who knows who could be reading this thing. its really quite convenient for stalkers and con artists and axe murderers. ok now im just talking scary nonsense. i really need to get to bed. maybe i'll try waking up for breakfast tomorrow. probably not.

today was a really good day. the weekend in general was good. i got a lot done and had fun in the process. usually its getting nothing done and not having fun in the process. so, yeah, a nice switch.
looks like im riding home with a complete stranger who is a girl. im really hoping someone else is riding in the car too.
despite everything that's been so right lately, there's something inside that's tugging at me saying something's wrong. im not sure what it is. part of its a longing to get to know god more intimately. part of it is something telling me im going about everything all wrong...that there's a different, better approach? part of it is just a hesitance...about...everything, maybe? i dont know. so, i guess im off to bed, wrestling with this little bit of a burden. just kinda wondering which way is up. and it makes no sense cuz a second ago everything was awesome. and now im like...eh...i dont know. but. yeah. time for bed, i guess. goodnight, world wide web.

As we drove through the crowded city, we made our way toward a back road that would take us over the small mountain. There were six of us inside the pickup truck: 4 young, American men, a Haitian pastor was driving, and his wife sat in the middle next to him. A Haitian radio station was playing in the background of our dialogue. The sound of creole language was simply background noise to us, until someone recognized the word "Baghdad." The man next to me asked the pastor what they were saying. He interpreted the war coverage for us as best he could. The American man in the front seat stated bluntly, "Guys, you gotta remember, all their news is monitored by the French government, so it's incredibly biased."
I shook my head silently and a burst of air shot through my nose.

ive spent 4 lonely months in a brown upland haze and i just want you back by my side.

armed with 9 hours of sleep, im actually getting a lot of work done. so much so that i think im gonna go outside and enjoy the weather and watch the lacrosse game. im look really really forward to going home and its getting to the point where i just cant wait. its like im peeing my pants in a metaphoric sense. just a sense of urgency, i guess. it will be here soon enough. and before you know it will be the end of the year and i'll be home for a good 3 months. ooohhhhhhhh golly.
welp see ya.

apparently you can't post pictures in the free version of blogger. so this will have to do. thanks jamin.

the concert was great last night. j. tillman opened. his music is incredibly boring, and yet, i love it. his voice is great and his lyrics are really good as well. saxon shore was incredible. the big stage and good lighting made for an enjoyable experience..they really know how to build the tension and rock and roll. i was quite impressed. dave bazan played a nice, long set with a good variety of songs. he was fun and funny and just the whole thing was really enjoyable. no sound problems, and we got set up early and sound checked for everyone, so it was really stress free. i talked with a lot of the guys quite a bit which was also enjoyable. the new guitar player works for burnt toast vinyl, and remembered my name from when he sent me a package of cds...so that was cool to meet him and chat a little bit. fun times.
today is a beautiful day and i have so much work to do that i put off til last week. guys are going to see saxon shore again on monday night...id love to go but between my work and a mandatory crew meeting, i really dont think i should. they are playing in philly on good friday...i'd love to go to that, but depending on family and the good friday service, i may have to skip that one too. we'll see, i suppose.
ive been enjoying myself. i dont really know where the change occurred...i guess during and after haiti...but as far as i know it wasnt a concious change, it just kinda happened. whatever the case, im quite pleased.
take care and have a super day.

need some ideas for mothers day?
i got an email suggesting i give this to my mother. hmmmm....

let me add this. during the chapel message, you could just see all these guys next to me squirming in their seats...shaking their heads...rolling their eyes. its not surprising, these concepts arent easy ones to handle! they are a challenge! the principles of christ go against everything the principles of american culture tell us. the people of christ's time - even the spiritual leaders - did the same thing...christ's teachings were so extreme and they werent ready to think about them. they will take some internal wrestling and grappling...all spiritual matters do because its against our human nature...but come on! just put away your pride for 40 minutes...set it aside...listen with an open mind...and before you open your big mouth just THINK.

whew. i apologize for being fired up...but thanks for letting me vent.
and if you think im out of line PLEASE let me know.

lots to say
+last night i discovered the wonder that is pomade. its not just for dirty rockabilly kids or dirty cowboys. its wonderful. my hair feels like i havent showered for a week but my body feels like i showered this morning. its perfect.
+today in bio we learned that there is lots of natural bacteria and fungi and bugs and stuff that live on you. and its no big deal. but because people have started to use anti-bacterial soap, it kills the bacteria that fights with the fungi, and therefore the fungi starts to thrive which isnt really a good thing. so if you use anti-bacterial soap, you should really only shower every other day or so. not even that much. seriously. pretty cool, huh?
+the beautiful weather has returned with is nice.
+pedro the lion is tonight which is very exciting.
+so, i broke my streak of no-show prospectives, which was a bummer, but i also broke my streak of weirdo prospectives...this kid was pretty cool and nice. mostly normal. he's coming here in the fall, too. so, yeah, that was nice for a change.
+"The tragedy of the spirit of churchiness is not difference of opinion, which will probably be with us til the Day of Judgement, but the outrageous folly and damnable sin of trying to regard God as the Party Leader of a particular point of view. No denomination has a monopoly of God's grace, and none has an exclusive recipe for producing Christian character." -J.B. Phillips
+so, my struggle with guys and opinions on the war and homosexuality and everything else continues. our speaker in chapel today spoke, well, pretty much about pacifism. and she was a woman, which didnt help her case in all (im not sexist, but, well, it just didnt help her out at all). she had a lot of points i agreed with..but her main point was just to think. that is definitely not too much to ask. she shared the words of christ and just pleaded with us to think about what they mean. now, i would agree her views were somewhat extreme, but there was value in a lot of them and just the request to think and evaluate the words of christ isnt too much to ask - not to mention evaluating her words at the very least. but of course, her somewhat extreme view doesnt make a lot of people very happy and they throw her entire speech out the window. its uncomfortable so its easier to dismiss it as invalid and extreme and illogical and not even think about it. i think it all comes down to testosterone. i dont know why guys disagree with the words of christ...well, its not that they disagree with the words of christ...its just that they dont take the time to care about people like he asks us to because they are too busy be tough guys. i dont know, maybe this all doesnt have anything to do with it. and once again im rambling and im gonna end this post with im a loser cuz i dont know what im trying to say. i suppose i just get frustrated sometimes. but seriously, when christ says "blessed are the peacemakers"...it should definitely make you wonder whats up.
+all of this lady's words aside, yoder shared some wise words with me...a quote by martin luther king jr...it essentially says that if your agressor has a conscience, follow ghandi...use passive resistance to sway your agressor. he has a conscience and will eventually see what you are trying to do. if your agressor doesnt have a conscience, then take more direct action. so, does hussein fit the description of not having a conscience? yeah, probably. and as ive said a lot of times, im not 100% anti-war. i think it can be necessary sometimes. i think our nation, especially christians, just need to THINK a little bit more. think about victims of the war, think about people that dont have the same resources as us, people that are oppressed, whatever. ive said it so many times...we are content, and we dont care about anything, and it just plain sucks.
+god doesnt want us to be anti-war, he doesnt want us to be anti-intolerance, he doesnt want us to save the world, etc etc etc....he wants us to be christlike. ..which, you may note, may involve all these things..but ahead of this, and as a cause of this, he wants us to be christlike.
+im a loser. :)

so. the one single day i decide not to bring homework to work, is the one single day im sitting here doing absolutely nothing for 2 hours straight.

it's a busy day in the office. not only am i typing on my blog, but i was just asked to untangle the phone cord. (it was a sarcastic request...i think...)

so i returned the globe. the alarm went off when i walked in. kinda weird...if a theif wants to return something, he gets in trouble, but its no problem when he steals. i walked up to the desk and say, "um, yeah, i checked this out last night." the girl just laughed really loudly in my face and said, "you did???????" "yep, uh, she just wrote my name on a piece of paper. so...here it is." "uuuuuh, yeah, ok"
what can i say.

i went to the library tonight to check out a globe. who knew you could check out globes at the library. the girl working at the library sure didnt. i found it in a corner of the place, and walked towards the desk, i passed the worker and she gave me a funny look. i said enthusiastically, "can i check this thing out?" she said, baffled, "i have no idea." so she wrote my name on a piece of paper with the word globe on it and thought it would be sufficient. works for me.
as if that wasnt funny enough, i pass a kid on the way to the library, whom i have never spoken with before and he said rather loudly, "nate SCHEORB!....great JEORB!" (see post from february 17 in the archives for further explanation) first, it was odd the kid knew my name. second, it was odd that he had the confidence to yell it at the top of his lungs. third, it was odd that he had even more confidence to somewhat make an insult of my weird last name by attaching a homestar runner cartoon to it. i laughed pretty hard. (it was also kinda odd that he was the first to make the same connection i did in the feb. 17th post.) he finished it off with a big grin saying "ive been wanting to do that ever since i found out what your name was!" still baffled, i said "well what's your name?" he told me his name was rufio, and i responded with "well, it's nice to meet you."
i went to the library, checked out my globe, and laughed the whole way back to the dorm.

thank goodness for decongestant medicine. i could breathe through my nose most of the day.
its so cold here that the statues of sammy morris have icecycles (how do you spell that any way?) coming off him from the fountain below. looks pretty funny.
i feel like i had more to say, but, perhaps i dont.
ok bye.

i think ive mentioned it before, but my history teacher likes to act as certain people in history, telling their story from the first person. its pretty humorous, cuz he changes absolutely nothing about his lecture except for the fact that he begins with "my name is...." and changes all the he's to i's. this guy is ancient...and he speaks really slowly too...does pretty much everything slowly...which makes all of it even more funny. he has a wit about him, but not one he is willing to show very often.
anyway. today he decided to be Elizabeth I of England. This was unusual, being the first time he was playing a woman. it went something like this.
"My name......is......Elizabeth the first....of.....England." this is when the class chuckled, laughed, and even hooted. he proceeded by saying, "i may not look like a man, but i had to act like one...." and i didnt even hear the rest of what he said cuz everyone was laughing so loud. what a guy.

ok, so that line is my new personal slogan i think. but is there a more grammatically correct way of saying it?
"christ hanging out with prostitutes didnt make him a pimp."
please proofread and comment.
man, this is a great t-shirt idea.

so. yeah.
over the next few weeks taylor is having some different seminars and stuff about homosexuality. sometimes i think taylor does a lot of great things, but they go about it in a cheezy, nonrelevant way that turns people off. for example, titling these seminars "sex and the village II" in a lame attempt to be cool by copying the tv show "sex and the city." whatever. thats not exactly what i wanted to talk about.
unfortunately, the reactions to just the posters for the seminars that ive witnessed have been pretty ignorant and immature thus far. its amazing how unchristlike some people act...and that sounds really pompous and its not meant to....i know i am so far from being christlike...but, like, it's an easy thing to do to keep your mouth shut, or just treat a topic with respect, but people cant even do that. seriously, keeping your mouth shut is a huge step towards being like christ, i think.
i dont expect people to have the same burdens or convictions that i have. ive experienced different things that have shaped those (see two posts down - emmaus ministries), so its not fair to make everyone else think the same way. but just a little bit of love would make sense, i guess. just study christ's life a little bit and it's black and white. i dont know.
i dont know what im saying. i always go on these rants that make no sense. i guess i just wish people would think a little bit.
i would end this with "im a loser" but....i guess i wont.
if youre a taylor person reading this...go to some of the seminars. it doesnt mean youre gay if you go. seriously, it doesnt. christ hanging out with prostitutes didnt make him a pimp.
haha, thats pretty good. i like that.
i like that a lot.

lately ive felt like a little elementary schooler with a big crush. i cant decide if its a good thing or a bad thing.
the new brave saint saturn cd is good...although all the little interludes with talking are kinda laborious and annoying. there are lots of cheezy moments. but the music all in all is very good.
i met with my advisor today and it was cut short cuz she had another appt. things are pretty complicated...when we left we thought i had enough time to finish, but unfortunately there were class-time conflicts that wouldnt make it possible. but when i got back to the room and sat down to figure it out, i think i made it work. we'll see tomorrow.
the phone is ringing. i'll write more later. raise the roof. foshizzie.

"once in a while, i'm still asked, 'why them, john? why do you waste your time with those men? you could be doing so much more.'

last week, i drove three hours south of chicago to pick up keith from a 3 month treatment program he had been in at a christian recovery home. keith is grappling with his sexual addiction. i had sent him a couple books to read while in the program. one was called 'The Truth About Homosexuality' and, because of that one title, keith endured 90 days of 'faggot' jokes in this christian home. he was made fun of and ridiculed. the staff did nothing to stop it.

last month i was talking with a chicago cop about one of our guys who was killed by a customer. 'so what? he was just a hustler,' was his reply.

many in our culture look at male prostitutes as trash. they are seen as despicable people doing despicable things. nobody cares about these guys. but god does. and because he does, so should we. thats why i do what i do."

-john green - emmaus ministries

i slept good and long and hard last night. although i was awoken by an alarm clock somewhere else on the floor...it went off at like 7 and wasnt shut off for some time. kind of annoying.
im feeling a little better today...my throat is better which was the worst part of yesterday. except today i have the low, froggy, cold voice...should be fun for my tour today.
there's a little program in another county that takes 6th graders to visit colleges, basically to get them motivated to go to college at an early age. today there are 100 6th graders terrorizing the school, thursday there will be 110, and next tuesday there will be 130. from what i hear the most chaotic part is at the DC where they want to eat one of everything and spill everything and just tear the place to shreds. supposedly all the boys were visiting my room this morning, but i havent seen any of them yet.

so, we arent going to the twothirtyeight show tonight. its sad but for the best, i suppose. sorry jamin. ok bye.

so. this pedro show on friday should be interesting.
first off, the sound will be terrible unless cheeks gets in touch with someone to rent equipment from. but it's getting a little late in the ballgame for that.
besides that, it will be good. but its gonna be funny to hear people's reactions. this is pedro the lion solo, which is much different than pedro the lion unsolo. not many people would like him with a band, let alone solo. but everyone that likes pedro the lion is fanatical about him and is even more excited about the solo deal and they are telling everyone to go and how amazing it will be. ive overheard so many people saying "ive never heard him, but everyone's telling me it's gonna be really awesome, so i think im gonna go." now, in the words of yvonne shorb, david bazan solo "sounds like he's dying." in the words of kyle mangum, "oh, sorry to wake you up and make you record a cd." judging by taylor people's taste in music, if they actually DO come, we'll have a lot of disappointed and puzzled people on our hands. should be entertaining.
im getting sick of looking at this robot. i think i might change the template but im worried i'll lose everything. anyone know anything about that?

i was right. i have pneumonia.

mondays have a way of stealing all the joy out of you. its a bad day thus far, and not for really any reason i guess. i dont feel well, im really tired, the weather outside is absolutely terrible, i dont feel like going to classes, thats about it. i didnt go to lunch cuz i wasnt hungry - its more that the feeling of food touching my throat isnt very appealing at the moment - but the minute i got back to my room i was hungry. so its either skip lunch all together and sleep instead, or sleep for like ten minutes and go to lunch in this awful weather. i dont know.
lets hope the day and week get better from here on out.

see what i mean about this stupid daylights savings time? blogger doesnt have the indiana time zone, just central and eastern, so it had the times wrong and i had to go in and change it to central cuz now we're on central. this whole thing doesnt make sense anyway.
jamin, take note. your blogger times are wrong too.
there should be an earthquake that causes indiana to float into lake michigan and disappear forever. after i leave, that is.

tonight at vespers, we were all singing a song, reading the words from powerpoint up on the screen, minding our own business, when all of a sudden an IM box pops up on the screen that says "callie?" everyone in attendence burst out in laughter in the middle of the song as we saw the mouse pointer quickly move and minimize the box.
tonight in the bathroom i had mark jump on my back from behind and "shimmy" his way up very awkwardly and laboriously up onto my shoulders. there he was sitting on my shoulders. i went into the bathroom for a reason and i wasnt going to let this person on my shoulders stop me from completing that reason for going into the bathroom. there's a first time for everything. im being vague intentionally.

ive got the scary pain in the back of my throat that tells me im gonna be like...dying of pneumonia...or at least a bad cold in the next week or so.
im trying to figure out my schedule for next year and its not looking so hot.

oh, and last night was pretty fun. dinner was overpriced and unfilling but very delicious...penn station - east coast "subs"....it was trying to be philadelphia, and i dont think it really worked, but it was good food nonetheless. went to goodwill and i got dale a special present but i dont think i'll mention it on the off chance that he's reading this. heck, he wont be reading this. i'll type what i gave him backwards, so dale, if you are reading this, dont take the time to read the following thing backwards. (drocer esicrezzaj a) its pretty funny and for some reason i immediately thought of him...it was definitely a little awkward checking out with it though.
ok thats enough of this.

so its been a kinda nice sunday so far. got back from lunch, did a little homework, played guitar while laying in bed, took a nap, woke up with a full bladder and came back, put on unwed sailor's new cd hoping to get some more sleep in, but couldnt, so just laid there for 40 minutes listening to the cd. kinda nice.
i really appreciate the marionette and the music box (unwed sailor's new cd) but, its just ashame there are no drums or rocking out on it. it definitely doesnt compare to the faithful anchor. but it's some really great writing and musicianship. i cant wait to see how the book goes along with it, i think it will make the album a lot better. although, envisioning it, i think it may have some disneyish - perhaps pinnochio - moments. should be interesting.
besides that ive been listening to a lot of pedro the lion, trying to figure out what he'll play on this solo set, and boy have i been getting my hopes up for a lot of songs and im sure i'll be let down.
im out of here like a villian who has some chilling to do.

daylights savings time is cool when you are a part of it, but not when you're in a different time zone. now whenever i talk to someone on the east coast i have to say "such and such your time, such and such my time." it also means when i come home next week it will technically take an extra hour. boo hiss poo.
church was pleasant this morning.
a busy week awaits.

i was gonna include the following random thoughts in the last post, but we all know how annoying really long posts are.
so, im still mourning the breakup of twothirtyeight. this is gonna sound stupid, but i'll try anyway. i guess just thinking about them and stuff since the news, ive just realized what it is i love about music so much, and i why i appreciate them so much. they are honest...they play passionate music...the lyrics and humble and honest - not overt, cheap, cheezy declarations of the gospel - but lyrics that express a humble relationship with christ and that reflect the gospel with insight. the music is creative, unlike anything else being put out right now. they are true artists i guess. i dont know. this is cheezy. but they are just a band being true to themselves, pleasing god, going against the grain to produce some really good art. i dont know. whatever.
my nose is still sore.
i dont have as much to talk about as i thought i did. goodbye.

this morning i woke up and went to the lion's club eye-glass recycling center with a bunch of guys. a pretty incredible place. something like 3 million pairs of eyeglasses in the warehouse..quite an operation. donations are received, sorted, sorted, and sorted, shipped to a prison for inmates to clean and package, and then eventually taken to other countries. we helped to sort glasses and stack boxes and stuff for a couple hours.
its all run by a retired man who has nothing better to do...he works something like 60 hour weeks here for free.
my mind is cluttered with so many thoughts about this whole thing. in the past, when ive seen the huge tub of crappy old out-of-style eyeglasses at the grocery store or church or wherever...you just kinda shrug and chuckle...or think, what would people want with these ugly things? but then to see the whole process they go through...pretty mindblowing. the numbers are amazing, how many are processed a day/month/year...etc. and glasses...seem like such a trivial thing for people in third world countries. shouldnt food be focused on first? thats the thing, i guess...theres just so many needs to be filled...its hard to know where to go and what to focus on first...but it all works out somehow. sight is obviously a huge need...something americans take for granted...the guy talked about how a pair of glasses typically costs a years sallary...therefore, glasses are rare...and if you cant see, you cant go to school, etc. he shared a story about a man in mexico who hadnt seen anything in 20 years...his eyes were terrible. they gave him a new pair of glasses and he began to cry...he walked across the room to see his wife for the first time in 20 years, to tell her she was beautiful, and to look at, and meet - on a visual level - each of his grandchildren. pretty powerful stuff. and THEN to think about this retired man, running this place by himself, working at least 12 hours a day. and for what? nothing, really, except the satisfaction and joy that comes in sacrifical giving. what an example to learn from. and yet to know that he most likely doesnt know god and his love..and this joy from giving will eventually fall apart and ultimately his good works will go unnoticed. so. yeah. those are some of my jumbled thoughts.

it's friday night and im going to bed earlier than every other night this week.

kids in the way is a good band too.

the best thing to ever come out of upland, besides ivanhoe's shakes, will be visiting america this summer on the warped tour.

listen up people. the legendary twothirtyeight has just announced they're breaking up after their current tour. they are honestly one of the best and most creative bands out there right now...honest...creative...enjoyable...etc. i ran sound for them tuesday night and will hopefully see them again monday night..thats 4 times in 6 months or so. they will blow you away.
see them before it's too late:
4.04.03. Madison, WI @ The Catacombs Coffeehouse - 731 - State Street
4.05.03. Minneapolis, MN @ The Quest - 110 N 5th St
4.06.03. Chicago, IL @ Judson College - 1151 N State St
4.07.03. N Manclister, IN @ The Firehouse Club
4.08.03. Grand Rapids, MI @ Calvin College - 3233 Burton St SE
4.09.03. Cleveland, OH @ The Grog Shop - 1765 Coventry Rd - 216.321.5588
4.10.03. Columbus, OH @ Little Brother's - 1100 High St
4.11.03. Rochester, MI @ Rochester College
4.12.03. Pittsburgh, PA @ The Rex Theater w/ The Cool Grand - 1602 E Carson St (RK CD release)
4.13.03. Lancaster, PA @ The Chameleon Club w/The Great Fiction - 223 N Water St - 717.299.9684
4.14.03. Baltimore, MD @ The Depot4.24.03. jackson, MS @ TBA
4.25.03. icthus festival. kentucky
4.26.03. lynchburg, VA. liberty college

you may be interested in stopping by here, but please be advised that it's a pretty bad site and i am pretty misquoted everywhere on the site.

im sitting here writing my history paper and i just used the phrase "large and in charge." then i thought better of it.

i think my nose is broken.

oh, and after reading what i wrote yesterday about school and stuff......
i have no idea what i was saying..that was the biggest load of nonsense ever..pay no attention to it...im a loser.

the air conditioning has been turned back on. it's the happiest day of my life.
hung out with bad boy cheeks this afternoon and helped him sell pedro the lion tickets to suckers passing by in the DC.
last night at IWU there was an intramural basketball contest thing. i went with swinburne and su. it was pretty lame. but the reason i am telling you this, is because...chris clark missed his dunks during the dunk contest in the second round...and as scott and i were mourning over this i was kinda flailing around i guess and i spun around and hit my nose straight on swinburnes head really really really hard. i thought it was bleeding but luckily it wasnt. that wouldve been extra embarrassing. but anyway, it's really sore today and it hurts to pick my nose.
its a great day out and im having a good time at school. its been a while since ive said that. but im really just enjoying myself. thanks, god.
im out.

-springtime is beautiful but it stinks cuz this weather makes me miss erica all the more. just good wiffle ball and kite flying and park going days. some day i suppose.
-good golly miss molly could my body be peeling any more. (no, it couldnt.)
-i went down to visit justin, my asst. hall director, tonight to show him haiti pictures. we had laffy taffy. there is nothing laffy about laffy taffy. the jokes are like "where did the man go?" "to the store!" ahahahahahahahha! "why was the baker mean?" "cuz he was angry!" ahahahahahahahah! i think the company needs to make an age restriction on the people that send them jokes. like...no jokes from kids 5 years old or younger. at least.
-so, i know i havent really talked about haiti much. if you want to know stuff then ask me. it was a great trip though...the people there are beautiful and genuine and strong and passionate. they are hard workers who appreciate and make the most of whatever they have. construction went well. lots of adventure. lots of cute kids. it was fun. but anyway..things have been kinda weird coming back to school. while i was in haiti i said to myself...look at these people, they have nothing but are so content and make the most of it...so many of these people would die to come to the states and study...so i guess i was just inspired to really make the most of my opportunities here at taylor and work really hard. but then i got back and im like..what is this crap none of this matters..so im trying to find that middle ground. i think ive discovered the secret...and i think its kinda the same secret i discovered somewhat the second half of my senior year in high school...i need to make the most of my time with friends and make time to have fun and stuff...cuz that is part of the fortune i am paying for school too. in other words, trying my hardest and making the most of school doesnt necessarily mean studying my brains out. and then at the same time, i need to be working hard enough in classes so that im learning. not so im getting A's...not so im getting through the class and getting through the semester...but working to learn. so. yeah. i dont know what that means. and this is the first time im articulating (if you can even call it that) what im thinking. but. whatever. im a loser. ok bye.

just heard the beastie boys' anti-war song. it's terrible. im with them...but man...this song is so terrible it makes me WANT to go to war.

come ON! my necklace broke in the shower!!! now it looks like i have a white necklace on because of my tan line! not only that but the peeling has begun which is the most annoying thing in the world cuz all you want to do in the morning before you have a shirt on is pick off dead skin and it's addicting and annoying and then you're late for class.
what a start this day is off to.

come ON! i got a pack of new socks before haiti, and i just did laundry, and i already lost one!!! geez!!!!!!!!!!
twothirtyeight plays tonight and i get to run sound and it will be totally sweet.
i had something else to say. im a forgetful person.