ive been pretty wired lately and ive somehow been functioning on very little sleep. i'm only getting about 5 hours of sleep each night, which is unheard of for me. im not sure why or how, but it's just happening. i just dont feel like going to bed at night. its kinda nice, not being tired and having to worry about getting to bed at a decent hour. but im sure it will catch up with me soon. i've started working on the bag of starbucks coffee my mom bought me. i'm drinking it black because it's a lot more tolerable than black maxwell house or folgers. black coffee makes me feel like a man. that's probably the influence yoder has had on me...telling me i'm not a man with my swiss miss mochas. the problem is my little coffee maker can only handle one scoop of coffee which doesnt make the coffee quite strong enough. if you put more than one scoop in, the grounds get everywhere inside the coffee maker and it makes a big mess and i have to clean the entire maker instead of just the filter. so it ends up just tasting like weak dirty water, whether its starbucks or not. judging by this post, maybe i should be getting more sleep after all.

i just sold a self-adhesive stamp to someone and he licked it before putting it on the envelope.

"Band of the ______________" has been changed. christians who make good art make me really really happy.

tonight i found out that i cant go to the death cab for cutie/pedro the lion/ben kweller show that i had bought a ticket for, because it is the night i need to go up to huntington for my orientation conference for overseas student teaching. i know this doesnt sound like a big deal to most, but i am really really upset. for one, it would have been the only 'real' show that i would attend this year. (i dont miss going to shows so much...i would like to go to more and more often, but i am doing better at coping when i dont go.) for two, i would have seen one of my favorite bands for the first time (death cab) and one of my favorite bands for what could be on of the last times (pedro). it definitely would be one of those shows...like seeing pedro the lion and damien jurado (and gathered in song). three, it would have been good company...people i dont really hang out with but always wish i would. is it bad that part of me is hoping things wont work out for me to teach overseas just so i dont have to go to this conference and i can go to the show?
there are very few feelings like the one you get after a break the night before classes resume. reflective, somber, bittersweet...desperately wanting to get a good night of sleep to start off the week, but kinda wired and putting sleep off as long as possible.
it was a good break. while part of me regrets never going to florida or some place wild with all the boys, i am perfectly content with being with my family and i am very thankful for those times and memories.
this is an odd entry and i apologize.
goodnight.

please check the taylor blog for complete spring break report.

more mad propositions and shout outs to LIZ BOLTZ for the letter and JAMIN CLUTCHER for the cd.

mad propositions and shout outs to:

CARRIE GRAHAM (i have to capitalize her name so she sees it because she only skims this stuff) is the bombdizzle because she sent me a letter.

JARED CHEEK (i have to capitalize his name because i capitalized carrie's) is the shizzynizzle because he visited me at the desk and gave me an absolutely beeeeeeautiful sufjan stevens cd.

yesterday and today were good ways to end a crazy couple of weeks. im counting my blessings and losing count.





SPRING BREAK 2004!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111 TIEM TO PARTAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

i was at the gas city library today. i noticed a woman writing in notecards. she had sunglasses on. then i noticed a dog laying right next to her. so, i assume she was blind. but she was writing notes. and what's even weirder is that she was erasing some of her writing. and her lines were straight and she knew when she was at the end of the card and needed to start over. it was incredible.
was she faking it or can blind people do stuff like that?

i realize i have a pretty poor short-term memory, but i think i'm sure that the past two weeks have been some of the most challenging and miserable of my college career. for the majority of the time, i've been able to keep a proper perspective and not really get stressed out a whole lot...i try to plug away one thing at a time and i'm not really so much on the verge of a nervous breakdown most of the time. overwhelmed, yeah...weary, yes...sick and tired and ready to graduate, oooohhh yes...but not necessarily stressed or freaking out. just working hard and sick of it.
whats worse is that i've gotten pretty irritable at times...not only do i not really have time to have fun with other people and i dont make time to have fun with other people, but the time i have had i've been pretty miserable to be around. so if i've treated you like crap or rubbed you the wrong way or given you a dirty look or been mean, i apologize. i promise i didn't mean it.
that being said, spring break is almost here. i have a lesson plan to write in the morning, i have to teach it, and then i have to write 20+ objectives for reading instruction to finish my paper, and then pack, and then i am home free. it will be much needed and i'm very much looking forward to it. no rock and roll to think about...no informal reading inventory...no stupid stupid energy sources or population trends...no recorder or autoharp...no christian forefathers...just me and yodes and erica having fun.
unfortunately, when i get back, i'll be thrown right back into it.
but then it's only two weeks to easter break.
and then there's all kinds of things that make the rest of the semester go really fast.
it's a terrible way to live your life, really...but the circumstances dont really give a whole lot of other options.

the week after spring break is fairly empty, so let's go get coffee or burritos, ok? hopefully by that time i'll even treat you with dignity and respect and friendliness and we'll have a great time.

thanks for sticking with me and bearing with me and waiting for me and encouraging me. it hasn't gone unnoticed.

To me you are the light
from a light bulb that breaks sometimes
and the tender warmth inside
is released into my life
and it smothers me in flames
that lick and scorch my face.
As the smoke reaches the sky,
know I'm burnin tonight.



-savestheday

things i learned from completing my first recorded song:

- never erase the click-track before doing vocals.
- never even bother recording a song that isn't in the right vocal range.
- your voice will always sound crappier than you remember it sounding.

in the middle of lunch this morning, i was reminded of josh weiss giving his deadly "flying butt attacks" to everyone in fifth grade. i laughed really really hard.

taylor (with a little bit of typing help from the 'rents) knows how to brighten a saturday night:

Ajshorb: mnhhhghghghghhhghghggh fhbvfbbcbbhdf
NERDVOMMIT: heyyyyyyyy taylor
Ajshorb: ddddddddddddddddddddd
Ajshorb: i have big news.....
NERDVOMMIT: oh yeah?
Ajshorb: hkjiyutkhkjnjhj "i just got my ears pierced"
NERDVOMMIT: no way!!!
NERDVOMMIT: you're such a big girl
NERDVOMMIT: i bet i wont even recognize you when i see you
Ajshorb: gvbm,kmmkkjjmm "i didn't even shed one tear"
NERDVOMMIT: great
Ajshorb: ccvcvcvcvcvcvcvcvcvcvcvcvbvbvbvbvbg
NERDVOMMIT: your uncle nate shed some tears when he got his ears pierced
Ajshorb: yhhthghyhfuyyyrhjyhgyhju "nate you're funny you didn't get your ears pierced goofy"
NERDVOMMIT: you're right
NERDVOMMIT: how come you never call me anymore?
Ajshorb: nnm mjmmmmmgggggsazvf,,bbnknnknkkbkmbnjbjbjbjjjjj
NERDVOMMIT: well that's a good reason i guess
Ajshorb: uuuuijiuiuui ppi0iiyuioyki99iikjjujjjuuuujjjjyuuhj
NERDVOMMIT: good point
Ajshorb: ymmjn.,mkljkjjjhjbnmhjjhjgjmjjjhjjjhjjhjhjhjhjyjyjn..n,,nkkk,mjmjmmhmm :'(
NERDVOMMIT: well im sorry to hear that
Ajshorb: vjhbv why are you hanging out in your room on a sat night? vvvggbbb
NERDVOMMIT: cuz im a loser, thanks for rubbing it in
NERDVOMMIT: why arent YOU out partying on a saturday night?
NERDVOMMIT: this is your last weekend being 3 years old
NERDVOMMIT: you've got to live it up!!
Ajshorb: frurururururuurururururruruurrururururururuufhf
ccbcbcbcbbbcbcbb
Ajshorb: vvvhvhhgfffdfrrrrrrkhkhkhjhjhjjtjjtjtututuuguu
Ajshorb: ljljlk
NERDVOMMIT: ok, i see

in my younger years, basketball was life. (yes, and every time my brother got an ebay catalog, i so badly wanted to buy one of those "basketball is life, the rest is just details" shirts.) i would watch NBA Inside Stuff every saturday, and immediately afterwards i would go jumping around the house hitting door frames or playing some serious nerf basketball in my room. many times i would go outside to play, trying desperately to mimic the move i just saw on TV, but i would find out all too quickly i wasn't nearly as good at basketball as my imagination was telling me. so i'd give up rather quickly and head inside for lunch.
but probably the only reason basketball was life was because my older brother liked basketball and absolutely no one is cooler than an older brother. sure, michael jordan was cooler, but he was intangible. my brother could whoop up on guys at church basketball wearing a jersey that said "hurricane andrew." he also knew the guys (or so he said) that played on the high school team, who, at that time, were some incredible players - even more incredible in the eyes of an elementary schooler. so, it was natural for me to love basketball, because it was natural for me to idolize my older brother. but i did my best not to let andy know anything about this idolization, of course.
in fifth grade, we were all too small to make the middle school basketball team. so we joined the 6th graders that didn't make the team and had an intramural league. (looking back, i can't imagine it being much of a league...there were no more than 10 or 12 guys in my class, and surely not all of them tryed out for basketball, and the 6th graders were in the same boat. but fifth graders don't care what kind of a league it is. it's all about the love of the game...haha.)
the time came where we needed to name our team. my brother told me to name the team 'the knuckleheads' and every time we would score we could put our fists up to our heads and run back down court. he was the oldest big brother on the team, so that meant he was the coolest older brother on the team, which made his suggestion the coolest suggestion, so we didn't hesitate. our name was the knuckleheads and i quickly had a team mascot desinged - a man, gritting his teeth, with knuckles and a thumb for the top of his head.
mrs. paashaus went to the qmart and found tanktops for the intramural teams to wear. since dan was on our team, we had first dibs, and it was a good thing. there were regular orange tanktops, and then some lavender ones with spaghetti straps and another color with the girly looking straps. so we of course took the orange ones and stuck the other teams with the girly ones.
we all drew numbers and names and "KNUCKLEHEADS" on the jerseys.
it wasn't pretty - fifth graders playing basketball never is - but we won first place.
in sixth grade i made the basketball team. i picked number 18 because my brother was 18 years old at the time and he taught me everything i knew about basketball. (i was such a symbolic thinker back then, i guess.) i wore a black undershirt under my jersey, because that's what andy always did.
in eighth grade andy told me to cut just one of the sleeves off the undershirt. the next night i was running around the court with my right bicep bare.
now that i'm in college, basketball is no longer life. i still wear a black undershirt when i get the chance, but now it's just because it's punk rock.
but last year, andy told me to cut the elastic band off of a pair of underwear and wear it as a headband.
the fruit of the loom headband saw it's second intramural season this year.

a mother came to the front desk today. i said "can i help you?" she frantically said her son's name to me, and i realized it was the same mother who called a couple days ago. she stood there looking at me for a while after saying her son's name. when she realized i didnt understand what she wanted me to do she quickly spurted off the room number and telephone number. i said, "you want me to call him?" she said "yes, tell him i'm here."
i called his room.
his roommate answered.
he wasnt there.



when you interact with some people's mothers you become quite thankful for your own.

in kindergarten, i didn't know how to tie my shoes.
fortunately for me, jon ball knew how to tie shoes and he graciously helped me out. he was my best friend, primarily because he tied my shoes whenever i asked him to. there really isnt much else to base a friendship on in kindergarten; we saw each other 3 days a week and didn't exactly get much free time to socialize in the classroom. i remember trying to talk to him during nap time, but one of us would inevitably fall asleep listening to stories about the big red dog, or miss crawford would catch us in the act and tell us to quiet down. friendship was based on whether or not you shared your crayons and whether or not you shared secrets with other people. aj wasn't my best friend because he told the entire class that i kissed sheri mease's chair. (that was, obviously, my logical plan to kiss sheri - i would make her sit on it.) jon would have never done that to me. one day jon asked me to come over to his house on a saturday to hang out. they had a hot tub, so this was pretty exciting stuff. i agreed. he and his parents made the long trip to coopersburg to pick me up on saturday morning, but when they got to my house i had a nervous breakdown and refused to go. i can remember them standing at my front door for the longest time, while i hid somewhere else in the room crying. i didn't even have the guts to go to the door and tell them myself. my mom was pretty disappointed in me, but it was probably mostly the awkardness and embarassment of having to inform mr. and mrs. ball that i wasn't emotionally stable (i seldom was at that age) and would not be able to attend. i was pretty disappointed in myself, too, and definitely embarrassed, but ultimately i was quite relieved i didn't have to go to an unfamiliar house without my parents. i can't exactly remember, but i would like to think that jon treated me just the same as always on monday morning, and he probably did.
jon went to a different school after kindergarten. over the years, we'd see each other occasionally and try to act as friendly as possible, but we both knew that best friends in kindergarten doesn't mean a whole lot and we really had no reason to pretend that we were still best friends. i think his feelings may have still been a little hurt about the hot tub incident.
i learned to tie my shoes soon thereafter. i don't remember much about the event. i'm pretty sure it took place sitting on the hearth of the fireplace. whichever family member felt compelled to teach me showed me the basic steps. i was pretty overwhelmed, but after a while i got the hang of it and felt quite proud. it was always exciting when you'd learn a new skill...tying your shoes, whistling, doing that thing where you put your hands together, fold your middle fingers, twist, and wiggle them back and forth...you'd have something new and fresh to show off. i can't remember, but i wouldn't be surprised if, for the first few weeks, i would let my shoes come untied on purpose just so i could bend down and tie them again, just in case someone hadn't yet seen that i knew how to tie my shoes.
a little later in elementary school a family friend went to ft. lauderdale and brought a shirt back for me. it would be my favorite shirt for the several years following. it was a white t-shirt with a picture of a rabbit and "ft. lauderdale" was written simply in a nice little cursive font underneath. but this wasn't just any rabbit. this rabbit was cool. real cool. i had never seen a cooler rabbit in my life - not even roger rabbit. (i could never understand why my parents wouldn't let me watch "who framed roger rabbit." it looked like the coolest most magical movie in the world. it was probably wise of them. i didn't know any better, at that point in time, though.) the rabbit was standing there, wearing a baggy shirt and baggy jeans with his hands in his pockets, sunglasses with little window reflections in them, laid back ears, and tennis shoes with the laces untied. the laces were untied. it was perfect. he didnt care about anything and that's what made him so cool. just by wearing this shirt with a cool bunny on it, i myself would become quite a bit cooler.
but his shoes were untied. it was a revelation. from that point forward i knew that if anyone wanted to be cool, they absolutely must walk around with their shoelaces untied. i was determined to do so. teachers and parents, of course, didn't understand this (which may have been another reason making the act even more cool) and you couldnt get away with 5 minutes of having your shoes untied. i did my best to get around that obstacle, but i think i finally gave up. i knew it was cool, but having to tie them every five minutes to please your parents or teachers wasn't really worth the bother.
so i lived vicariously through this bunny on my shirt for probably at least 3 out of 7 days every week. if you can't leave your shoes untied, the second coolest thing you can do is wear a shirt with a rabbit on it that doesn't have to tie his.
so i did. with pride.

the life of a desk worker...
a frantic mother just called...not frantic in a panicked kind of way, but an antsy and annoyed kind of way.

frantic mother: i'm trying to contact my son in room 234.
me: do you need his phone number?
frantic mother: no i have his phone number but i've called him 25 times and his voicemail picks up but they just give a number and i dont know which number to press and i dont even know why that's picking up because usually he has an answering machine that picks up and i've called him so many times i dont know what to do.
me: well that means someone is on the phone.
frantic mother: the voice mail picks up?!?!?!
me: yes, the voicemail automatically picks up. but if they dont have it set up, then you can't leave a message.
frantic mother: well you said you were at the desk right?
me: yes.
frantic mother: well can you do me a favor? pleeeease?
me: uhh. yeah. sure.
frantic mother: can you call his room and tell him to call his mother?
me: umm, well, yeah, but if i-
frantic mother: oh thankyouthankyouthankyouthanky-
me: BUT if he's on the phone it will be busy for me too.
frantic mother: oh, i know, but that way i wont have to keep calling him. could you do that for me? please?

at this point, i think she realized what she was asking me to do, but she still wanted to go through with it, so she hung up as quickly as she could. i was baffled.
i called his room.
his roommate answered.
he wasn't there.

i wasn't expecting a huge response from my request for penpals a few weeks ago, but i was hoping for at least one letter. so here's your second reminder:

Nathan Shorb
Taylor University
236 W. Reade Ave
Upland, IN 46989

if you'd like to include one of the following in your package, that would also be acceptable:
sufjan stevens - michigan
for jonathan compilation (www.thegreatvitaminmystery.com)

i promise i'll write back.

so i'm not sure what's happening with this thing...i realized it was going downhill fast and was planning on taking a break. those 3 days without it felt like at least a week...im a dork, i know. at the very least (or at most?) it will be saved for rants and raves not necessarily fit for the taylor blog...so here we go....

ive been pretty kinda burdened and frustrated over the past couple weeks thinking about evangelism in today's church. today it was kinda taken to a new level.
unfortunately, evangelism has been turned into a contest, a task, a secret mission that must be completed. it's like playing a video game...hand out 25 tracks in the next week and you'll complete the level...receive 500 bonus points for each person saved. and worst of all, the ends seem to justify the means...
...today was youth conference focus chapel. it reminded me of all the youth group events. i am frustrated by the amount of irreverency we use, justifying it by proudly proclaiming that "christianity can be fun!" the overuse of emotional manipulation is also sad. instead of engaging teens' minds and challenging them, we get them pepped up and give them an emotional high, and they are sick and frustrated a week later when they can't understand why they arent excited anymore. looking back, i cant remember what very many of those youth speakers told me those weekends...but i can clearly remember how dicouraged i was for so often "losing the fire." the ends justify the means...we use irreverent worship, emotional manipulation, and messages where you can remember the funny stories but not the point, and as long as they raise their hand during the altar call, we feel pretty good about ourselves.
...the halloween haunted houses the evangelicals have come to love and adore...if we tell people about how awful hell is, they'll be sure to accept christ. but soon after scaring them into christianity, we'll preach that god isnt "fire insurance" and all those who use christ for such will be told plainly "i never knew you." the ends justifies the means...if it takes scaring the hell out of them, as long as they come to christ, we feel pretty good about ourselves. (neville and i are going to watch a documentary about exactly this fairly soon..."hell house"...we'll see what it has to say.)
...the list goes on. so much of it is insensitive...we'll hand them a track, tell them what they need to know, then send them back where they came from, forgetting their name after a month or two. we claim we're sharing god's love, and that may be true, but we're not showing god's love.
...the passion has been declared the greatest evangelistic opportunity in the past 2000 years. people are talking to their neighbors for the first time just so they can take them to the movie in hopes that they'll become christians. what's that saying to the neighbors?...you don't care about me until you have a chance to convert me? furthermore, the movie was never intended to be evangelistic, and most would agree that it would make very little or no sense to someone who has no previous knowledge of the bible. it is more powerful to those of us who are christians but cant seem to embrace the idea of christ's sacrifice and all that it involved. how many christians are getting the message when they're more concerned about what their unsaved friend next to them is thinking? (there's a lot more i could say about the passion, christians, and the arts, but that's another rant and rave.)
...i do realize all these people have good intentions. but so much of it seems like an easy solution to a big problem, and as long as we get results we don't care how it's done.
the best evangelism is being in love with God and living it before others...sharing the love of christ and engaging in relationships...befriending nonchristians because you love them and want them to have the joy you have, not because you want to mark up another tally on your "people i've saved" wall...being sensitive...understanding...truly wanting to understand where others are at. strategies can be helpful, i guess, but so often they turn it into step-by-step insensitive solutions.
hope this made sense...i have to gooooooo. thanks for reading. responses are welcome.

i think it's safe to say i'll be on hiatus until further notice. check the taylor blog to waste your time. thank you.

Praise the LORD , O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD , O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

Praise the LORD , you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
Praise the LORD , all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
Praise the LORD , all his works
everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the LORD , O my soul.

(how often i forget all his benefits)