Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Snowflake

My students are preparing to recite Frost's "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" on Friday. It seemed appropriate for January, even though the month is drawing to a close now without much of any snow to show for it. No matter how much any of these kids put into it, I'm not sure any of them will recite it quite like Frost does in a mere 55 seconds, a 55 seconds that instantly transports you into those woods and ends all too soon. You can hear and feel the wind blow when he says somewhat gruffly, "The only other sound's the sweep of easy wind and downy flake." I tend to assume that most literary types look down on Frost, mostly as a consequence of his sentiments appearing on so many trite greeting cards and cheap wall hangings. All I know is I'm a sucker for it, especially when he's doing the reading.

Today in chapel before I left for Mildred's funeral, the chaplain was talking about snowflakes. It was actually much better than the average metaphorical snowflake inspirational pep talk, even though the heart of the message ended up being about the same. She shared the story of Snowflake Bentley, the obsessed man who dedicated his life to the study and photography of individual snowflakes. He's one reason we know so much about the things, and his extensive catalogue of photographs serves to prove that each flake is in fact unique, one of a kind. I've got to admit, the mere idea of a grown man having such an infatuation with snowflakes makes me grin. So obsessed, it seems, that the only photographs of the man to be found on the internet are of him hunched over his camera, waiting to find another one.

So yes, we've all heard the analogy: snowflakes and unique, special, one of a kind, and so are we. Feel good about yourself. Use your talents and gifts. Yes.

But the chaplain managed to touch on a few other aspects of snowflakes, intentionally or not, that captured my attention much more, perhaps because it was unusual snowflake metaphor territory.

No snowflake is perfect. Each one seems to have a blemish of some sort. All a bit flawed.

Snowflakes don't live a very long life.

And they don't do much good on their own.

Yes, this is where my mind started wandering. Because what snowflake has ever canceled school all by itself? What good is just one snowflake? Nice to look at in a microscopic photograph, sure, but how many snowflakes does it take to coat the trees in a serene landscape? What snowflake has ever been called a blizzard? As unique and special as a snowflake is, if it wants to amount to anything, it must give itself up to the greater cause. We can give everyone warm fuzzies by telling kids over and over how unique and special they are, but the fact of the matter is, if we want to amount to anything, we must do the same.

And this means death. I don't know much about snow, but I assume it doesn't take long after a flake falls in with the others before it melts a bit and fuses together, losing its shape or at the very least its individuality, and forming a nice coating or adding up to several inches or more. As soon as one snowflake joined the others, Bentley had no chance of photographing it.

The life of a flake is obviously fragile and short. Raise the temperature just a bit--in the air, on a mitten, or under a chunk of salt--and it's done. It's death is inevitable. The question is whether it insists on flying off alone to melt by itself or committing itself to a greater cause full of sledding, snowballs, sculptures, angels, days off, giggles, joy, beauty.

I'm starting to feel a little weird talking about snowflakes and giving them so much personality. But the truth of the matter, as James says, is that our life is a mist, a vapor, that appears for a little while and vanishes before we know it. It's incredibly fragile, death is inevitable.

With this fragile life, we can choose to live it for ourselves, trying desperately to aim for Bentley's little black platform for our 15 minutes of fame and pleasure. Or, we can die to ourselves despite our beautiful uniqueness, joining with others, and committing our lives to something bigger and better.

We don't want to talk to kids about death, but isn't there a great joy to be found in this kind?

Denison Witmer sings, "Today I feel a part of something bigger than myself, a raindrop in the sea, a book between books on the shelf."

Jesus Christ says, "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

Aaron Weiss writes, "Six of my closest friends dig up the ground, all of my accomplishments gently lowered down...Grape on the vine, why not be crushed to make wine?"

Today I carried the casket of a woman who lived a humble life, living in the same house for more than 70 years, working at the same bank for 50, worshiping in the same church for 95. Some would be tempted to make a name for themselves with all sorts of crazy dreams and aspirations and ambitions, thinking their life wouldn't mean much otherwise, and they would go on to die like the rest of us. Mildred chose to die to herself much sooner and became a part of something bigger and better. She was a woman who understood what the church and the body of Christ was designed and intended to be. The Holy Spirit made a sweet wine with the fruit she offered.

And that's the best part of what made her unique, special, and one of a kind.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Mrs. Musselman

My earliest memories of Mildred Musselman are probably having her visit our home on the first Sunday evening of every month. She’d receive preferential seating for our Bible study in the livingroom, partially because she was always the first to arrive, but moreso because even when she was “young” in her seventies and eighties, everybody treated her like a queen, or at least like a cherished matriarch.

I had to do an interview project for school, I’m guessing somewhere around fifth grade. I chose to interview Mildred and took intricate notes (a skill learned from my father’s modeling) as she recounted the history of Coopersburg. She spoke as though she could picture it all vividly in her mind happening just yesterday. Trolley lines and swimming pools and horse stables and the old church and more, including the bank where she worked for fifty years of her life, which still stands right next to her house that she purchased for a few thousand dollars. (I asked her recently if she thought she got her money's worth. "Oh, I think so.") And the bank of course, brings up the story that mesmerizes me even to this day: the time she was robbed by the infamous and notorious bandits who were making headlines across the country at the time.

In high school, my friend Dan began dabbling in photography. He took some black and white photos of her for his art class. Not the typical model, but the photos looked so professional at the time, like something I’d see hanging in the Philadelphia Art Museum. It had a pretentious title that made it seem all the more professional, but now seems like a typical high school art student cliché. But the photo seemed to capture her character quite well; you could sense a depth of history and a quiet hope in her warm wrinkles. He gave me a print for Christmas and I took it to college with me for my freshman dorm room.

She quietly rooted me on through high school, college, marriage, adulthood. Each time I’d come home on break, I’d walk over to her pew. I’d bend over and awkwardly hug her sweet little hunchback, afraid of breaking her, and she’d hold on a little too long. She’d grab my hand and squeeze as much as her arthritic hands could, telling me how good it was to see me, ask me how I was doing, and remind me she had been praying. I’d ask her how she was, and she’d say, “Oh, I’m OK.”

No one seemed more pleased about our plans for France than she did. I’d ask, “What do you think?” and she’d say something simple like, “I think it sounds very good…” Those simple words held more encouragement than most others.

And she was praying. In every conversation, she’d say sweetly and humbly, “I’m praying,” in such a way that you knew she was, making you feel almost as if that was the only thing she was doing, and I’ve come to believe it probably was.

The last time I saw her, Erica and I stopped by for a brief visit with the new addition to our family. I asked her how many grandkids and great grandkids she had by now. She said as though she was blushing, “Oh, I don’t know.” She was never married, no biological children, but she had quite a family. I considered myself one of her grandchildren, my new son one of her great grandchildren, and I don't think she minded the attention. She seemed quite pleased to meet the little guy as he busily tried out each one of her livingroom chairs like Goldilocks, and told us it meant a lot to her that we would stop by.

That was shortly after I had preached my first sermon at Calvary. She wasn’t able to be there, as she hadn’t been getting out of the house anymore. But, she told me she heard I do quite a good job behind the pulpit, and she was anxious to listen to the CD. I told her to let me know what she thought, because she had listened to quite a few sermons in her day. (My estimate is at the very least five thousand, and that's not counting the ones she would listen to twice in one morning when she would attend both services over the past several years.)

I broke down crying as I thanked her for praying, realizing it was a big part of the reason I am where I am today, feeling so completely humbled and privileged to have people like her praying for me continually for the past 23 years. "You're welcome," she said. Overwhelmed with being just a few days into fatherhood and recognizing in those days a bit of what a future of ministry may hold, I managed to say between tears, “Keep it up. We need it.” Oh, how desperately we need it.

Her last words to me were, “I’ll keep praying as long as I can.”

She prayed for three more weeks after that night.

Monday, January 18, 2010

rescue mission

anyone know anything about rescuing music on an iPod that's acting funky? to be more specific, anyone know anything about rescuing music on an iPod that is 1) not being recognized by my computer and 2) telling me there are no music files on the device?

i'm feeling a bit nauseous at the moment...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Parenting Advice from Third Graders

Selections from letters written in the most beautiful cursive...

“Welcome to parenting! I know you really don’t know how to take care of a baby, but I’ll give you some advice.”
“Always keep him in one room with a gate so he does not break anything.”
“When Jack my little brother was a baby, he didn’t like to eat some food. If that happens, say things like, ‘Here comes the choo choo train!’ It will get him excited about eating.”
“If he can’t sleep, you can smoothly glide your fingernails on his arm. My dad did that to me when I couldn’t sleep.”
“Babies need lots of attention, maybe you should get some big stuffed animals.”
“Be sure he keeps his fingers away from shutting doors because his fingers might get stuck in the door.”
“If you smell something horrible, it’s probably the baby. If he can’t fall asleep, try a lullaby. When you feed him, if he turns away from the bottle, he is full.”
“If the baby is crying, even though the baby probably doesn’t understand what you’re saying, speak to him softly.”
“Babies can seem unmanageable, so here is some advice. If you temporarily do something, turn on Nick Jr. And quitting the bottle can be emotional for him, so if he seems depressed after drinking from a cup, cheer him up.”
“To make sure he doesn’t get cold, footy pajamas are good. Also, you can’t be too rough, but you have to play with him at least 15 minutes a day.”
“You need to read to him, preferably Dr. Seuss, but any children’s books are fine.”
“I hope this advice helps as well for you as it did for my mom.”

God Bless Haiti

It's hard, today, to look into the faces of the four happy Haitian boys hanging on the wall in the comfort of my living room.

The day I returned from Haiti in--what year was it now?--2004?, I skipped some classes and sat in my room not wanting to do anything, a personal little mini-protest. Maybe it was a silly response (though I've heard it's a common one), but I couldn't bear the thought of returning to life as normal knowing what was going on a thousand some miles away.

Even without the help of cable TV and its steady streams of news, I've been feeling that way again today.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

How Can You Deny an Electric Car?

Watching this in science today for no good reason other than it's the catchiest thing I've heard in a long time. Kids are leaving the classroom singing, I'm spending my prep periods bouncing in my seat as the rhythm keeps rolling in my head.

Just liberal tree-hugger propaganda? Probably, but it's so working.

They Might Be Giants? More like They Must Be Genius!

Monday, January 04, 2010

intimate precision

"i want to speak at an intimate decibel
with the precision of an infinite decimal
i want that sharpened steel of truth in every word"

-Why?, "Blackest Purse"

delightful

"It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids...The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born...Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life."

-Bob Harris, Lost in Translation