in the past, when you asked taylor what she wants to do when she grows up, she has said simply, "milk a cow."
the whole family is going up to vermont to go camping this weekend and it looks like we might visit a farm so that taylor can finally fulfill her lifelong (that's four years, mind you) dream.
today at our memorial day gathering, her uncle mark frankly informed her, "taylor, i have a feeling you won't be milking a cow for more than 5 seconds when you have to actually wrap your hand around that teet."

he said teet. in front of my mother, no less. i laughed really really really hard.

is teet spelled ee or ea?

today at fellowship community i went in to ask my "boss" about my supposed $1.25 pay cut i was taking from two summers ago. you would have been so proud of me going in and actually talking face to face to a person in authority about an awkward situation like money.
it turns out it was a mistake, and i'll be getting paid the same amount as i did two summers ago, which is awesome. it also turns out that the president (who decides the wages) made a mistake two summers ago in giving me those wages; i was supposed to be receiving quite a bit less. and because of that mistake, i have to get at least that amount this summer as well cuz i guess that's their policy, which i think is still more than i would would have normally been receiving.
suckers!!!!!!!!!!!
ha. just kidding about the suckers part.
thanks god.

it's 2:15AM and i have to wake up for church in the morning. i still havent begun to catch up on sleep from finals week and i start a full time job on monday. this isn't good for me.
lots of things to write about lately but not enough motivation to get online (with a dial-up modem)and type them (on a computer with a sticky space bar that necessitates you to pound it with your thumb in order to get the desired space).
my parents were listening to graduation online today. i didnt hear any of it except for the solo that loralee sings which was my favorite song and my favorite solo of the chorale's...it was nice to come out of the shower and walk into the kitchen (after dressing, of course) and overhearing her angelic voice.
it was sad. it made me realize i did kind of a crappy job of saying my proper goodbyes and showing my full appreciation for a lot of the seniors i have enjoyed and appreciated. if you happen to be reading this, i will miss you, and i appreciated you, and let's KIT. but i know in all probability we wont KIT, so have a nice life and know that i enjoyed the little bit of time we had together.
who am i kidding, nobody that i'm talking to reads this anyway...besides you: joanna, jared, neville.......and i think that's all. and you're the only kids this doesn't really apply to.
it's 2:22 and i'm no longer making sense.
goodnight.

"What did you write in the letter?"
Frog said, "I wrote 'Dear Toad, I am glad that you are my best friend. Your best friend, Frog.'"
"Oh," said Toad, "that makes a very good letter."
Then Frog and Toad went out onto the front porch to wait for the mail. They sat there, feeling happy together.

it's kyle and my last day in room 438, so we've been listening to the definitive cd's of the year in order to reminisce in the manliest way possible....

ester drang - goldenwest and infinite keys
death cab for cutie - transatlanticism
the strokes - room on fire
postal service - give up



i'll be the grapes fermented, bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit
like a perfect gentleman
i'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick
where you will sit and contemplate your day

i'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning in an open tab
when your judgment's on the brink
i'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite albums back
as your lying there drifting off to sleep…
i'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredities done to you:
you won't have to strain to look into my eyes
i'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
with the collar up so you won't catch cold

i want to take you far from the cynics in this town
and kiss you on the mouth
we'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
start a brand new colony
where everything will change, we'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)
the sun will heat the ground under our bare feet
in this brand new colony
everything will change, ooo ooo….



if only i could write like ben gibbard.

"What you see is the clear warm light of April. And it means that we can begin a whole new year together, Toad. Think of it," said Frog. "We will skip through the meadows and run through the woods and swim in the river. In the evenings we will sit right here on this frotn porch and count the stars."

if only i could write like arnold lobel.

brain........is.........fried..........

geez louise...i thought it was hard to study last night, but i think tonight might give last night a run for its money.
start without me is the best song on the new pedro the lion album.

if it's once i've got it, if it's twice i don't.

i just found out that at the beginning of the song "open book" by mates of state someone says "wha happened?" (a la mighty wind) which makes me love the song even more which i didnt think was even possible.

2 finals down, 3 to go, and so far so good.

my morning coffee has made me jittery today.

how much would a faded lava lamp go for on ebay?

for whatever reason, being by myself, laying on the couch, reading, and listening to sufjan stevens seems like an appropriate way to spend my last saturday night here at school.

i've never been someone who has a lot of regrets. i know there have always been reasons (both good and bad) behind what i've done, and everything i've done has unfolded for some sort of purpose in my life. having regrets will just complicate matters...what's done is done, and there's not much use beating myself up about it now.
but there is one thing i end up regretting time and time again. i always end up wishing i would have invested more time in certain people. i regret not speaking up when i should have...not asking questions for fear of an awkward conversation...not asking that person to go out for coffee beacuse i thought there was never a good time...coming up with excuses to keep my mouth shut and hiding within my comfort zone instead of taking the time to be intentional and engage in meaningful conversation with someone. i look back knowing we both would have benefited so much, and i'm puzzled as to why i didn't make more of an effort.
i definitely don't regret not studying more...cuz my grades wouldn't have improved much more and i definitely wouldn't have remembered any more of the subject matter anyway. but i regret not talking.
so to you, you, you, and you...and you, too...for whatever reason, i was too scared to take the time to invest in you, and now i wish i knew you better. there are very few things i regret more.
im sorry.

...i dont think im in much shape tonight to be attempting to make sense on this thing, but oh well. i've left that sob story of a post up on here long enough..time for a change of scenery.
...today i went with neville and chalupa to see 'dogville' in indy. i struggled staying awake for the first 45 minutes or so, but got my second wind after that. i think i liked the movie but i hated watching it. it was 3 hours long and is incredibly unique in that it all takes place on a stage with no set and few props. but it dealt with some interesting themes in some interesting ways which was pretty cool.
...these next few days will be a whirlwind of a few days. between preparing for and taking finals, getting my room packed up and restored to order, and spending time with friends and saying some goodbyes to the seniors, it's gonna go fast and be a little hectic.
...saying goodbye to this year's senior class will be more difficult than normal. saying goodbye to the seniors my first year was no big deal...yeah, there were fun guys that are dearly missed, but i knew none of them really cared about me much so it wasn't a big deal. last year there were some good friends that made it a little more difficult, but all in all, not a huge deal. this year, not only are there good friends, but these are the people that have made taylor taylor. it's a class full of faces that make the campus familiar, and taylor won't be the same without those familiar faces. you never really notice the classes below you, but the class ahead of you, the one that has been there each year with you, is kind of the faces you associate with the place. things won't be the same without them. so, im getting all sentimental about people i'm not even friends with, just cuz i know i'll come back next year and the place will be filled with people i don't recognize anymore.
...gas costs $2.10. where's my bicycle.

make fun of me all you want, i still think morella's forest is an awesome band.

hi.

i went to see away with vega and everything now and saxon shore tonight. away with vega and everything now are both quite talented and have a lot of potential. i'd like to see them succeed. away with vega has lots of odd pauses in their songs, and they alway seem to fall right when i'm yelling something to the person beside me, so that everyone can hear me, which is always pretty embarrassing. everything now seemed to finally have things tightened up and it was by far the best i've seen them play. they have never really had their act together live...they're sloppy and confused and unorganized...but not tonight and it was quite pleasing. the shore was good as always, although, they have begun to lose a bit of their luster. the show just wasnt anything out of the ordinary, and the sound was bad, and the setting was poor, which made for a good show but not a great show. it was good to see them, though.

yeah...it was a pretty awkward night. i had some good laughs with jared and joe and the others, but there were a few moments where i was left hanging by myself and it was the most uncomfortable situation everrrr. i dont really even know why...i guess cuz it seemed like everyone knew everyone and i was left standing in the middle of the room with no one to talk to feeling like a complete idiot. i got over it though.

im questioning a little bit where i fit in, though, or where i want to fit in, maybe. i realize im not the hip emo indie rocker all these other scenesters are...just cuz that's not me...and i dont feel like dressing up and putting forth an image just to try and fit in (not that everyone who dresses up is trying to fit in [or are they?]...but if i did, that's how it would turn out)...and i'm content with that and i'm glad i'm content with that. hanging around with the artsy folk makes me feel pretty inadequate i guess, like i'm not good at anything. i'd love to be good at art...i see things in my head and would love to create them...but never seem to be able to do so. (i've been wondering lately if i wouldve kept up with art, continued art lessons in elementary school and taken classes in high school, if i would be better at it today...not sure...) i'd love to be good at music...but i can't naturally crank out a bunch of beautiful songs like some people can. i'm pretty good at playing the instruments when i have someone good to play with or someone telling me what to play...but i can't head things up like i would like to. so, combine these things with the fact that i just plain dont fit in with the image, i end up feeling like a pretty big loser. cuz what am i good at? being a teacher i guess...and that's great...but that's not always as cool as i want to be.

im thankful i can appreciate art and music...but appreciating art and music makes me want to be good at art and music...which winds up making me miserable at times.

and this sounds like i am desperately wanting attention or wanting to be accepted or feeling inferior and unloved and that's not really the case at all...i (thank you, lord) got over thinking that way a long time ago. i guess there are just a lot of times where i really desperately want to be good at something that i really havent been gifted in...and sometimes that gets hard to realize and accept. please dont think this is a pity party, cuz it's not at all...i'm fine. but sometimes you get to feeling a little awkward about yourself, and you have to learn to deal with it and get over it, i guess.

we're all good at something, whether we realize it or not...but we all want to be good at something else. and its a shame, really.

this sounds much more depressed than it is meant to be.



and i know you'll try to reassure me and tell me i AM good at music and i know i am but not to the extent i'd like to be...i guess, instead of saying i want to be good at music, i should i say i want to be better at music. how's that?

here i am at the prairie burning a couple of weeks back...thanks to neville for the pictures.

picturesssss

blogger just revamped everything...and it's gonna take a little getting used to.
i think i'm gonna be revamping some things of my own, as well, so bear with me.

im not one to beg for birthday presents, but i'd be satisfied with something from slow loris. but dont take me seriously, cuz i'd feel pretty bad if someone spent all that money on a silly t-shirt. but take a look, they're pretty radical. if you know how to screen-print, i'd glady accept an imitation. she prints some of her stuff on american apparel shirts, which is where dale works. joe got an enon shirt that was printed on american apparel. they look really comfortable and nice. and they're sweat-shop free, which is a good thing. i cant wait til i'm a working man so that i have money to buy nice shirts that werent made in sweatshops.

ive managed to waste 42 minutes...only 78 more to waste.

i'm a sucker and just picked up 2 hours of work at the front desk on one of the most beautiful days ever and i have nothing to do here at the desk. and i just looked up and found out that only 15 minutes have passed here...and i'm about to die.
on the bright side, i'm listening to enon, courtesy of mr. ozinga, and they are the second musical discovery of the week.

i forgot to mention a funny story from yesterday...

we were in dr. kitterman's class...both classes were combined, so it was about 45 of us, and we were planning on having class for 2 hours, starting at 8:00.
the sky was filled with dark clouds outside and it was quite windy. dr. kitterman said at the beginning of class that it would probably be storming by the time class was over.
at 9:15, a siren went off outside. the idea of it being a tornado siren crossed my mind, but i quickly dismissed it as something else, because it sounded nothing like the one that went off a couple of weeks ago. it was one of those sirens that every town has that goes off every now and then, but to this day i've never really known what it's for. the type the fire dept. uses or something.
but, two girls in the class thought differently. these girls are fairly overbearing...not necessarily in a bad way...but it a take-charge, choleric, type A, control freak kind of way. they heard the siren and immediately frantically spoke up. (they were sitting next to each other which manified their assertions) "UUHHH...DR. KITTERMAN...IS THAT A TORNADO SIREN? YES...YEAH...THAT'S DEFINITELY A TORNADO SIREN. WE BETTER GET OUT OF HERE. THERE'S A TORNADO..." this got the class murmuring, and dr. kitterman more/less panicked. she caved in under the pressure of these girls and just sort of shrugged her shoulders in defeat and said "well, alright then, i guess we better go."
and with that, all 45 of us jumped at the chance and started filing out of the classroom 35 minutes early. i'm pretty sure the entire class knew it wasn't a tornado siren...all of us were shrugging and shaking our heads in disbelief, but we got out of the class while we still could. across the hall, a professor came out and asked us (all 45 of us) "are they wanting us to leave?" the 2 girls weren't at the head of the pack to answer (they were probably out of the building already headed for the nearest storm shelter), so all he got were a mix of "we have no idea"s and "probably not"s or "maybe..don't ask us"s. every other class in the building was carrying on as usual, giving us weird looks as we walked out of the building, excitedly discussing what had just unfolded.
i heard later that our professor had come to her senses and caught a bunch of students who were still downstairs and was talking things over with them...but i have yet to hear whether or not class continued...i was out of the building as fast as possible.

i'm at the desk for 4 hours tonight. i watched the movie shattered glass for the first two hours, thanks to neville and his laptop. it was far from a thriller, but the story itself - about stephen glass, the journalist who fabricated the majority of his stories - is rather interesting. i only have an hour and 15 minutes left, so there's not enough time to watch another. so he we are.
i woke up at 12:30 today for a whopping 12 hours of sleep. the day was absolutely gorgeous...85 degrees and clear and sunny...i went outside and read for class for about an hour.
ive got a good bit of recording done which has been enjoyable. last night i recorded an instrumental song with accordion, distorted bass, and snare drum and cymbal. it's a bit sloppy because i improved the entire thing...but im pleased with how it turned out. today i recorded some snare drum for a version of 'holy, holy, holy' that i've been working on all semester. i'm really excited to finish that up...it has turned out really well so far, i think.
musical discovery of the week is howard hello. jared lent me the cd and i really love it.
it's been a low-key weekend thus far, which, all-in-all, has been a good thing.
hooray.

what made these even funnier were the professor's responses...he really does have an incredible amount of patience. and he's the type of prof that is really encouraging when you participate in class. you could say something incredibly simple and he'll go "THAT....is a great....insight. THANK YOU for sharing." so it's funny to hear his reactions to some people....

"if you believe in an age of accountability, wouldnt parents just kill their kids so that they are sure they go to heaven?"

>>> "well..............i don't even know how to answer that. i think it's safe to say that most everyone would agree no rational person would come to that conclusion."

"in god's eyes, there isnt much difference between a week and eighteen years, so what's the difference between getting baptized as an infant or an adult?"

>>> "well..............um...i think most would agree that we shouldn't play games with god like that."

"what if an older person has alzheimers and can't make any rational decisions? do they re-enter an age of accountability?"

>>>(dumbfounded...ready to give up) "i really don't know."

"one practical problem with infant baptism is if you live in an area with bad water and baptize an infant, they could get sick."

>>>"uhhh.................well.........to my knowledge, there haven't been any cases of this. i guess it COULD happen, maybe. i was sort of thinking of practical problems along a different line...spiritually practical problems..."

read the taylor blog to hear about my dream of a life.
erica was at the beach today and i was jealous. i talked to her on the phone and heard seagulls in the background.
i've mentioned on here about my brother who lives on the floor, jonas. he is tall and lanky and has large nipples and plays music and just looks like me in general. well tonight, i was getting my summer haircut, and while i was doing so, i realized my unibrow would be exposed and some plucking would be necessary.
jonas...my brother...happened to be in the bathroom...and we just happened to be talking about how we were brothers. the only difference is he is a lot skinnier. but he'll be my size once he's a junior and his metabolism slows down. he's a lot cooler, too, though, and that probably won't change.

"jonas...do you happen to have any tweezers...(with growing excitement realizing he probably did)...to pluck your unibrow...DO YOU PLUCK YOUR UNIBROW?!?"

(assuredly, almost as excited) "you know i do. for sure."

"ME TOO! WE REALLY ARE BROTHERS!"

that's my story.
i was gonna put it up on the taylor blog...but i wasn't quite ready to release that info to the world at large.

ludicrous illogical arguments and thought patterns heard from various students today in historic christian belief (which reinforced my previous statement about requiring philosophy majors):

"if you believe in an age of accountability, wouldnt parents just kill their kids so that they are sure they go to heaven?"

"in god's eyes, there isnt much difference between a week and eighteen years, so what's the difference between getting baptized as an infant or an adult?"

"what if an older person has alzheimers and can't make any rational decisions? do they re-enter an age of accountability?"

"one practical problem with infant baptism is if you live in an area with bad water and baptize an infant, they could get sick."

today dr. kitterman went on another little rampage about grammar and writing skills and the like. and i agreed with her as i always have (on that topic). but maybe i just agree with her because i'm not the one being scolded. but i do think that, for the first 2 years of school or so, all college students should be an english/writing major to learn how to write and a philosophy major to learn how to think, and then go on with their respective majors from there.

we have been known from the very start. our eye color, our hairline, our jawline, the shape of our big toe, the tone of our voice. these things have been designed from the very beginning.

what kind of music we listen to. the sort of skirt that looks good. the sort of cap that fits right. we have been made to find these things for ourselves and take them in as ours, like adopted children: habits, hobbies, idiosyncrasies, gestures, moods, tastes, tendencies, worries. we are all these things. they have been put in us for good measure.

perhaps we dont like what we see: our shapeless hair, our loss of hair, our shoe size, our dimples, our knuckles too big, our eating habits, our disposition. we have disclosed these things in secret, likes and dislikes, behind doors with locks, our lonely rooms, our messy desks, our empty hearts, our sudden bursts of energy, our sudden bouts of depression.

don't worry. put away your mirrors and your beauty magazines and your books on tape. there is someone right here who knows you more than you do, who is making room on the couch, who is fixing a meal, who is putting on your favorite record, who is listening intently to what you have to say, who is standing there with you, face to face, hand to hand, eye to eye, mouth to mouth. there is no space left uncovered.

(thoughts from sufjan)

i lost my copy of denison witmer's philadelphia songs. if you know where it is please let me know.

today at walmart i saw a man with a rather large full-color tattoo of homer simpson in his underwear on his forearm. you're gonna regret that, son.

it's kinda my life goal to write a book. i really wish i was a writer. last semester in children's literature, i was convinced i could do it until an author came in and described the whole process and everything she does, and then i knew it wasn't for me. i have what it takes writing-wise, i think...but persistence and confidence and bright ideas and funny stories and everything else...forget it. so i write in a stupid blog instead. enjoy it. maybe i'll write a book when i'm retired. and i'll make copies at kinkos or staples and publish it myself.

i'm getting sick. i suppose it's about that time. i seem to get a nice cold every...oh...4 months or so, i'd say. and they always last about 3 weeks. it could be my body reacting to last week. i took cold medicine this morning. i felt the tinge in the back of my throat so i thought maybe if i took cold medicine right away it would leave and not come back. i was wrong. the medicine claimed it was non-drowsy but i was pretty darn drowsy all day. and not tired drowsy...we're talking medicine drowsy. i had a restless nap from 5:30 to 6:30...the type of nap where you are sure you didnt fall asleep at all but you figure you mustve somewhere in there...the type where you close your eyes and you know you're not asleep and you know you're not falling asleep and then all of a sudden you wake up.
i found out today that honduras is a no-go for student teaching. i'm really bummed about this one...it seemed likely and i was getting really excited cuz i've heard a lot of good things. and now i'm not sure what i'll be doing. i know going overseas would be an amazing experience...but i feel like it's being forced and like i shouldnt be going after all...it'd be cheaper and more comfortable to stay in upland. hmpf. we'll see.
ive been a little discontent as of late. ready to move on, maybe. it's the same feeling i had in high school i think, except more discontentment and less miserableness. i dont know. just ready to get a bit older and get settled in a job in a nice town and hang out with friends. be productive. hang out in coffee shops maybe. i dont really know what i'm saying. maybe i'm scared of the goodbyes coming up here in 2 weeks and this is my brain's brilliant plan of escape..

it's been a pretty great weekend now that the thematic unit is over. ive been relaxing and hanging out and having fun and everything is carefree once again. hooray.
i went to two vocal recitals (loralee and disko) and those were enjoyable. i talked with friends a lot. slept quite a bit. and had a killer italian meal with the ifc kiddies tonight.
now i'm trying to write a paper for tomorrow morning. it's supposed to be our "absolute most professional style" and absolutely flawless. it's been coming quite slowly...im just not in the mood to write it and cant really make msyelf do it. so that's not going so hot.
these next 3 weeks, despite quite a few tests, are pretty much wiiiiide open and i'm really looking forward to it.
and im sure you dont care about any of this so i'm sorry for making you read it.
later skaters.