i just feel this constant battle, and always kinda have, with wanting to be the soft, quiet, stay-in-my-room, enigmatic reflective thinking type, passionate and willing to share with others, but being introverted as a whole (all in a 1 thess. 4:11 "make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and mind your own business" kind of way), while at the same time wanting to be funny and loud and the life of the party (in a good, reach-out-personable kind of way, not a look-at-me-im-cool kind of way). this battle just leaves me confused and frustrated and probably very stand-offish and self-centered. in addition to that, i am already in many ways both...there is no doubt im a poor conversationalist and as a whole leave the conversation initiation to others, particularly in new, uncomfortable settings. many times these new people have seen my outgoing ways and are intimidated by me, waiting for me to make the first step, not realizing im scared and uncomfortable out of my mind, and when i just sit there quietly with nothing to say, they conclude that i'm an arrogant jerk. what a complex guy i am.

day 2 or 3 or so here at taylor and things are going pretty well thus far. the room setup is pretty hip, i dig it, good to see the guys again, freshmen seem cool, and IFC is pretty hip thus far. for some reason though, i am more tired than ever and it's really annoying. i've fallen asleep in both movies we've watched for IFC...i feel terrible...i feel like i should probably explain to the group that i have a narcolepsy problem when it comes to movies. we'll see.
jared and i are going to start a droning organ band...here are some of the names we came up with for it...let me know what you think....
save me, im droning.
the drone rangers.
drone thugs and harmony.
bad to the drone.
in drone toenail.
thats all i can recall at the moment. i suppose i should explain what IFC is for you non-taylor readers, but im too tired.
oh, and i might be getting paid to have a blog about life at taylor. that would be awesome and an answer to prayer. we'll see.
im going to take a nap now.

it's almost 11:45, and things are winding down. the van is packed and my things are gathered. i still havent watched 7 years in tibet though. i was planning on pulling an all nighter til we left at 4:00, but i am much too wiped out for that. so, luckily we still have a tv that we borrowed from someone that will fit and work in the van and i will hopefully be able to stay awake for it on the ride out to indiana. granted, the tv is about a 4 inch screen and i have a feeling the movie will lose a lot of its impact, but, it will all work out, right?
and at least i didn't wait til the last minute to finish.

we're getting down to the wire here. there's about 11 hours left before i leave (we're shooting for a 4 AM departure time)...im about halfway finished packing...and still have a 2 and a half hour movie to watch for geography along with the follow-up essay.

no sweat.

see you in upland.

i was doing juuuuuuust fine until she said ever so softly, "the lord bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you." that's when i remembered just how special this woman is and just how far away i was going...and that's when i started bawling.

i mentioned that stupid sign on the turnpike before. this time one said "what isn't it called unlabor day?" and another said "back to school...good for the kids...great for the parents." then both proceeded to tell me to drive safely. now, if you're gonna distract my eyes and attention from the road, please make it worth my while. stupid penndot.

another conversation with taylor shorb, 3 years of age:

taylor: how long will it be til you come home?
nate: around thanksgiving.
taylor: is that a long time? will i be able to handle it?
nate: well, it's kind of a long time. do you think you'll be able to handle it?
taylor: *sigh* i think i'll be ok.

the following conversation was just held with taylor nicole shorb, 3 years of age, no educational experience, yet wise beyond her years:

taylor: what are you doing, nate?
nate: homework.
taylor: gross. that's not fun, is it, nate?
nate: nope.
taylor: why are you doing it, nate? huh? cuz people make you have to?
nate: (chuckle) yes, taylor. you're a smart girl.

ive said it before, and i'll say it again, it truly is amazing, wal-mart really does have the best prices. now, when it comes to school supplies, im a staples man myself. but walmart beat their prices on almost everything. unbelievable.

ok, so, i just said goodbye to erica even though i'll see her tomorrow night and, yeah, now i KNOW it will be hard to leave.

hard to believe the summer is winding down. erica's moving in to her apartment today. ive spent most of the morning cleaning up and getting organized and will start packing soon. geography is finally almost finished. i think it will be hard to leave.

oh...is it odd that the only thing i've consumed today is a banana at 5:45, 4 banana pancakes at 10:30, a pretzel and a half at 2:00, and a coffee-cookie-dough milkshake at 8:00, and for some reason im still not hungry?

what a wonderful day. days like these make me not so miserable about my summer after all.
i was hoping to go to brooklyn, but dale was working all day so we didn't. instead, erica and i went to doylestown and walked around. it's a nice place. being there makes me feel a lot richer than i actually am. we ate at a philly soft pretzel place and got lunch (3 pretzels and a shared lemonade) for 3 bucks. then we were gonna go to new hope, another hip town, but there was not a free parking spot in sight and the place was super crowded, so we left. but just driving was wonderful because it was the perfect day. mid 80s, windows down, music up, blue sky, puffy clouds, and a cool breeze. by far the best day of the summer weather-wise.
then tonight i hung out with rata and brian and nathaniel, which was unexpected and really really nice. we just laughed a lot and it was a lot of fun. im really really glad i got to see them before school starts up again.
and the weather is even better tonight cuz it's super clear and super super cool and it makes me excited for fall weather when i can wear jeans and a sweatshirt. woo.
and i even got some geography and laundry done.
it's a good day.
i love you and you and you.
and you too.
goodnight cyberspace.

this morning was the last day of work. hallelujah. and although i've done my fair share of griping and i like to pretend it was miserable...i've had a good time there this summer and it was a teensy weensy bit sad leaving. but just a teensy weensy bit. not much.

just noticed i have over 1,000 hits on my blog site.
thanks for reading, nate. you're welcome...it's been a pleasure rereading what you just wrote.

catch up
so it's been a while.
went to purple door saturday. while the day was mostly lame, it was still a mostly enjoyable time. bands as a whole were void of emotion, sound was poor, and everything as a whole was just unimpressive. mix in too many annoying people, a lot of rain, and uncomfortable humidity, and it makes for a day that definitely isnt worth a 37 dollar admission price. good thing jamin and i went for free.
we caught saxon shore's set in the morning. it was enjoyable as always and josh kicked over his drum set at the end, including a 15 foot drop toss of the hi-hat stand, which was quite intense.
the evan anthem was also enjoyable. it was the first time i heard them, and they were really solid. they also had an artist in the background painting during the set, which was mostly over-pretentious and artsy-fartsy, but i was a sucker for it.
lovedrug was wonderful...good to see them as a full band for the first of three times. you can just tell they all mesh together in an absolutely beautiful and perfect way. things just work. and they sound great. the drummer broke i think 3 sticks cuz he is just that insane - one was within the first minute of the set. a butterfly graced the stage in the middle of the set, and it was just kind of weird, like in a movie or something. they were rocking out and he came fluttering along, thought about sitting on the microphone, and just kept going in front of the guitar player, and it was just cool. also, they win the award for probably the funniest thing said from on stage all day...the singer randomly says "i just wanted to say that i think you are all incredibly attractive people and i look forward to spooning with most of you in the near future."
ester drang, unfortunately, along with lovedrug, had a shortened set because of the rain. in addition, they had some major technical difficulties, which ruined the mood and their playing and shortened the set even more. but what they played left me wanting more and it was very nice. the bass player's amp wasnt working, and the rest of the band just kept playing, and he got a new amp and plugged in at the exact moment when one of the best bass lines on their cd comes in...he started playing it right on time and it was just like...oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh yes.
mewithoutyou was good as always, but the main stage's largness ruined them as well as the stupid volume cap...the sound was terrible.
the evening was capped off with reel of white softly flow playing during soft rain and incredible lightning, finishing just as it started to pour. saxon shore also played, and teamed up with the horns from anathallo for quite a pleasureable experience. it was nice to hang out with the saxon boys on and off during the day and on the way home to jamin's house. and jamin, im not mad at you. things worked out fine. i wont say im glad you made me stay, but im glad i got to see it after all and things worked out. but thanks for having me.
brave saint saturn was a huge disappointment, probably mostly lack of show experience and poor sound...holland was absolutely terrible...anberlin was ok but i didnt really dig them...bleach was also disappointing...and cool hand luke just doesnt pull off a live show for some reason...and thats about it.
that was purple door.
i was late for work this morning for the first time all summer. that didnt go over too well but all in all my boss had mercy on me. he said i was going to set a record for the first college student to never be late all summer, and he was going to give me an award on my last day, but i blew it. it is quite amazing i went all summer without oversleeping.
just got back from a japanese restaurant with my family. we had a 25 dollar gift certificate. well, we got there, and lets just say this place is shadier than shady. not to mention the prices were, to our surprise, incredibly outrageous. its the kind where the cooker dude cooks everything on a big stove right in front of you. that was kind of fun but one of those things where you want to say "quit screwing around with me and make me some food." i dont need audience participation, just some fancy spatula tricks and some food on the plate. oh, and you'd think in this day and age refills are free for pretty much anywhere. well, it doesnt hurt to doublecheck before you order 3 refills. whoops. all in all the food was good, but lets see how it is on it's way out...i could have a long night ahead of me.
busy week ahead...i leave for school next thursday...i have one more geography packet...yikes. it'll get done.
this has been long enough. im sure no one will read it all the way through. oh well. talking to yourself never hurt anyone, i guess.
bye.

marketable: PARTY MIX!!
not marketable: mixed left-over assorted snacks that didnt pass quality control

saturday was a friends wedding. it was mostly fun. everything was short and sweet and kept moving which gets an a-o-k in my book. we had fun acting like idiots at the reception, and it seems like everyone enjoyed watching us act like idiots.
sunday erica and i went to staten island with mark and heather to their church. it was really enjoyable and afterwards there was a baptism (of 10 people) and a killer 6 foot hoagie. it was great to see what god is doing up there and how he's using heath and mark. it was exciting to see these people exciting about obeying god. we had a great time.
that's the quick version of my weekend. i know i had more to talk about than that but i forget and you dont care anyway.
last night i realized i only have 2 and a half weeks of summer left. this has put me in a panic-ridden nervous wreck state. mostly because of geography - 3 packets in 2 months and now 2 packets in 2 weeks...yikes...and the need for an extra job to make some money and not having the time or energy and erica being busy and wanting to spend the last weeks of summer with her and lots of other things piled on top. i really had 3 and a half weeks in my mind and to realize it was only 2 last night has really done me in.
but im going to purple door for free on saturday with jamin, so it's all ok.
back to geography.

i just took a nap after working and am now making myself some french toast and a pot of coffee. i feel so mature. these are the kind of days my house needs a window seat for me to read while consuming these delicacies.

this morning there was a thick, thick layer of fog and you couldnt see past 150 yards in front of you. it was awesome. fog is definitely up there with my favorite types of weather along with rain and wind.
we were all expecting to be let out from work early today, but instead i weedwacked bunkers all day. nothing like getting sandblasted by little grains of sand shooting at you at 500 miles an hour and giving you little bloody bumps all over your arms. gotta love it. and the fact that im getting paid 14 and a half cents a minute to do it...what a job...what - a - job.
by the looks of things i wont be able to go to brooklyn to see unwed sailor and dale after all and im pretty bummed.
geography is miserable, have i mentioned that lately? oh yes, it is still going on.

erica and i went to see bruce almighty last night at the 2 dollar theatre (that isnt actually 2 dollars). there are mixed emotions.
A) christians can be pretty judgemental when it comes to movies and the like. for instance, everyone saw the preview for this movie and blasted it, wrote it off, thought it was the appalling, and i'll admit i did to some extent as well. well, why not check it out for yourself and critically watch it and see if it's as bad as it seems? so that's what we did. and in the end, it's probably a better movie for christians to watch than non-christians, cuz christians can do just that - watch it critically and take out the good and throw out the bad. whatever that meant.
B) i think a key to watching the movie was realizing that even though they said jim carrey was taking god's job, it was more that he was just a human getting god's powers, he didnt become god. god wouldnt use his powers to have better sex with a woman, a human with god's powers would. that's where most people would be upset, cuz god wouldnt do all these things, but the movie wasnt saying he would. and we can all be upset with how mr. bruce used the powers only for himself, but if we're honest with ourselves most of us would do the same thing to some extent, and that was actually one problem the movie was pointing out.
C) definitely some worldly philosophies of christianity thrown in, i.e. the devout prayerful christian girlfriend is living with her boyfriend.
D) i enjoyed the commentary on free-will and loving god topic. jim carrey's woman leaves him, but he can't control free-will, and he's trying to make her love him but cant. he says to god, "how am i supposed to make her love me without messing with free will?" god says, "welcome to my world." jim carrey later leaves many signs to his girlfriend leading her to come back to him, which i think is something we see often with god. while many would debate the free will vs. total sovereignty topic, i too would tend to agree loving god is a choice we have to make, and often the choice is made after we see the signs he leaves us: nature, etc, in addition to the holy spirit's nudgings.
E) the theme of selfishness was also pretty good.
F) i was surprised the movie left the big question unanswered...why was god allowing bruce to go through (or putting him through?) all this crappy stuff anyway? maybe it did answer it and i missed it.
G) there were good points and bad points that in the end left me with mixed emotions. definitely a lot of themes and things to think through. in the end, it's better to steer clear from making movies about god's powers, especially mixed with humans, especially when it's a comedy. it just gets a little shady.
thats all i have to say. did you see it jamin?

nothing is up.

julius
maybe i'm just a sucker lacking street smarts. or maybe there was a reason i felt the need to turn around and shake his hand. but i felt like the absolute biggest jerk when i didnt have a smaller bill to give him. and the words i said probably seemed so empty. and maybe they were. all in all i just regret the whole occurrence. but hopefully he'll feel my prayers tonight.

last night erica and nate and i went down and met heather and mark and went to philadelphia. we got some good cheesesteaks on south street and went to see pulse at the imax theater at franklin institute. it was awesome. it was an enjoyable night.
on the way down there was one of those digital traffic signs on the turnpike. it said "where did june and july go? please drive safely." now what in the world does that have to do with driving? absolutely nothing. instead it's uselessly distracting people's eyes from the road keeping them from driving safely. i found it humorous.
thats all i think.

we were sitting on their back porch, having just finished a pleasant rainy day lunch of tuna melts and tomato soup. out of nowhere, in his quiet, gentle, slow, fatherly voice, mr. cassel says, "you know nate......the question hasn't crossed my mind until now....but....why be a teacher......instead of a minister?" with those words I jumped out of my chair and sprinted through the yard back to my house just like peter the little fat kid on the cosby show.
ok, not really, but seriously, the topic has been coming up quite a bit lately and it's beginning to scare me.
on a different note, I was pleased to have been shown this last night and man oh man is it ever just what i needed.