september 11, 2004

i walked through through the streets of upland this afternoon. i saw a hummingbird in front of a quaint house. it was drinking from bright red flowers. i saw him zip by the large picture window several times, showing off, wanting desperately for someone to admire him. little did he know, i was spying on him from across the street.
the sound of an electric guitar was pouring out of open windows and echoing through the neighborhood. the person playing was putting forth great effort in finding the correct notes to the theme from Pink Panther. the notes were choppy and hesitant, repated after each mistake. some notes were confident, and when he was sure, he would shake his hand on the freboard creating a clear vibrato. his parents worked outside the house, doing their best to ignore the "noise." little did he know, i was listening from across the street, a smile on my face.
tonight, friends stopped by to watch a movie. it seemed rather forced. they were uncomfortable being here and left rather quickly at the earliest convenience.
i drove thirty-six miles by myself tonight. it was the same drive i make every day of the week. i was lonely.
i ran over an already obliterated piece of road kill. it made a loud thump that made me cringe. i was going seventy-four miles an hour at the time.
i filled up my car with gas. i paid, and right before i left, i looked the cashier in the eye, and it made me realize i hadn't done so up to that point. i must have looked at her nametag as well, because it burned an image in my mind. her name is Annette; i can see it clear as day. the mind chooses to remember all the seemingly useless things. on my way out, i held the door for the mand riving the turquoise jeep. he had a white beard on his face, a leather jacket on his back, and a bandana on his head. he was buying chocolate milk, two percent. he thanked me for holding the door. i responded with the friendliest "yup" i could muster.
i parked my car outside of the apartment. abbey was sitting on her stairs talking on the phone, but she didn't see me. it could have been one of her roommates, but i didn't have my glasses on so i couldn't tell. the kids across the lawn were tossing their bean bags. the bags made a loud noise as they smacked the wooden boards; it echoed between their building and ours. i walked up my stairs and saw our neighbors in their usual positions in front of the television. one in the recliner, on indian style on the floor, and the kitten looking longingly out the screen door, ignoring his owners, opting rather to daydream about crickets and mice and grass and birds and life in the outside world, exciting as it is.
i entered and my roomate told me i startled him. he greeted me warmly and asked how my night was. i told him "fine." i was lying.
maybe i just wanted to be noticed. i noticed the hummingbird, pink panther, annette's nametag, and the jeep driver's beverage of choice. i spotted abbey at the end of the row. i looked at the kitten and knew exactly how he felt. i spent the day wondering if anyone, unbeknownst to me, was noticing a tall awkward kid who wasn't smiling today.




it's a bit depressing, but there you have it.

netflix is trying to rip me off and they've started a war for themselves. i am sticking it to the man.

two things that i've wanted to post for a while. but still no random-journal-writey thing that i promised and still no philip yancey quotes...but two things nonetheless:

the other week teachers in the teacher's lounge were complaining about students who were humming too much in class. and one of the teachers said something to the effect of "well they're just listening to too much music and that's all there is to it!!!" and she said it as if it was a bad thing. like watching too much tv or playing too many video games or spending too much time online or something. and it made me really really sad. no, but seriously, like, REALLY SAD. and i hope that when i'm a teacher i will encourage my students to listen to as much music as possible and hum and whistle all they can. i guess not during class and all, but still, every free moment, i want those kids to sing, and sing loud. listening to music should not be equated to watching tv. i realize this was not an eloquent explanation or argument, but hopefully you're catching my drift.

in a little writing assignment, a boy was writing about himself, but in the third person (because that was the assignment) and he wrote, "his friends think he's neat because he plays baseball, but he wishes they would think he's neat because of his imagination." and it made my heart break for some reason. like he was a creative genius trapped in a jock's body or something. but i wish that the world was taught to be a little more imaginative. and i wish people would appreciate imagination. and i wish people would like people because of their imagination.

on that note, go watch triplets of belleville and appreciate it.

wow, it's been a while since i've had a bitter vent post like this, huh?

hi faithful-close-friend-readers.

the other night i wrote a long thing of randomness in my journal and i kinda liked it and i've been wanting to post it on here but i never have my journal with me when i'm at a computer. sooner or later, perhaps.

i've also wanted to post some quotes from yancey's what's so amazing about grace. i finished reading that a while ago and there were some things in there that really made a lot of sense, and things i realized for the first time. unfortunatley i have a poor memory and i forgot all those things right after i read it i think. but anyway i recommend it. it has it's lulls, but it's worth it i think. yancey is a radical but he's not ready to admit it. if he would, i think he'd do some good things for the subculture.

now i'm attempting to read "kingdoms in conflict" by charles colson. (i'm still waiting to get my hands on a copy of brothers k, joanna, so i'm reading this in the meantime.) it's supposed to be really insightful about christianity mixing with politics, but between a lack of time, intimidation from political jargon, and intimidation by 350 pages filled with small print, i havent gotten very far. but the reviews and summaries i've read make it sound very worth it.

i just signed up for my free trial month of netflix. here's your chance to recommend your favorite movies. but my queue (how do you spell that?) is already loaded with lots of good documentaries so i might not have room for your recommendations. i think i'm already signed up for 20 movies, and i only have 30 days. you do the math.

i went over my daytime minutes on my cell phone this last month. i didnt think it could happen, quite frankly. so if you're reading this, i'm sure i'd really like to talk on the phone with you (i've gotten much better at it, actually!) but please call on the weekends or after 9:00 indiana time. if you're lucky, i'll call you.

this is longer than anticipated. tonight has been good. granted, i havent done an ounce of work yet, but i guess that's what has made it so good. i'm enjoying life tonight. always a good thing. and i loved the kids today. they were out of control at times and i had to scold them a couple times communicating my displeasure, but all in all we had a good day and i'm getting very attached. even the kids i don't like, i love. well, that's not entirely true. but most of them!

enjoy yourselves.

there's one little girl in my class who is kind of a really gigantic tattle tale. and there's nothing that annoys me more than a tattle tale. but last week she tattled and the incident this time i think definitely warranted a tattling. she slowly came walking up to my teacher and i and quietly said, "ummm, jimmy lee is tooting on me." she said it quietly, so my teacher asked for some clarification. "he's what?" "tooting on me." "TOOTING?" "yes." "AS IN BREAKING WIND? PASSING GAS?" "ummm, yes." my teacher took over from there.

fun weekend. mud races, napoleon dynamite for the second time, neville, joanna, strawberry tamales at chalupa's, umm, and a few other things.

ok bye.