i am sitting in a cafe in kutztown across the street from where down down berlin was playing. erica and i felt too old and out of place to stay for the second band, so we decided to come over here so that i could grade papers and she could read. we're so old, i guess. but i found out they had wireless internet, so of course grading papers was moved to the back burner.

this little cafe place is a christian hangout, apparently. i'm not sure what i'm trying to say about it. it's pretty poorly (or at least haphazardly) decorated and there is nauseating light smooth jazz playing in the background, which i guess isn't as bad as what would be playing in some "christian cafes." i'm really not trying to be critical. the food is decent and cheap. and the people are doing their best to be nice. but it's rather obvious that not many people come here outside of the youth group that runs it. we got odd stares as we walked in, the kind that said "hooray! worldy people are finally here! who will get up the guts to talk to them?!"

ok, none of this is making sense. i guess maybe what i'm trying to say is that no matter how hard some christians try to be hip and relevant, they've spent too much time in their little bubbles that any attempts come across as cheezy over-the-top niceness. and not even kindness. we're talking niceness, which is completely different.

that's not making sense either. i'll stop.

but no i wont. we were talking about the awkwardness that happens when christians try to witness to people who are already christians. "hey, guys, we actually wanted to tell you about jesus if that's ok." "oh, that's ok, we already know him!" "oh, really? well we'll tell him about you anyway, if that's ok." "no, really, we really already know him!" "well, what do you know about him?" "that, he's, like, our savior and stuff!" "ummm, ok....what else?????? (we're really not buying this....)" and so it goes.

but i'll stop.

all this to say, i've had a post written in my head for each day of the past two weeks, and no way to get them out. i wanted to tell you about isaac, who, after a detention mostly due to his ADD, brought in stuff to keep him busy the next day. what was it? a set of crayons, markers, and a bible story coloring book. he spent most of the class coloring in jesus walking on the water. i smiled.

this was the same boy who yelled a spanish word at me, which caused the class to gasp and giggle. i asked what it meant, and the other little hyper boy who sits in the front stood up, pointed at his crotch and said in his puerto rican accent, "eets thees! on a wooman!" oooooh boy did that get me started. let's hope he learned his lesson.

but yes there's been so much to say. on tuesday the 27th, i wanted to write, "7 years ago on this day, i went out to the breezeway of my house and had a long instant messenger conversation with a certain girl i had a crush on. after the conversation, i emailed my sister asking for advice, filled with nervousness and excitement. and the rest is history." there was more to write than just that. but it's amazing to think that we've had the privilege to watch each other grow into adults. it's been a blessing.

and there's been so much more but it is all lost now. billy collins has a good poem about that idea.

this post is chaos.

but anyway, we're in kutztown, starting out a weekend that many of us have been anxiously awaiting. kyle, wes, shoe, stan, myself, and maybe a few others will sit down to record the new combovers' album on my four track tonight and tomorrow. the ukulele, accordion, harmonicas, and llama toenails are in the trunk and everyone's excited. i'll let you know how it turns out. at the show, erica and i realized that we forgot pillows, blankets, and the airmattress, and we have a feeling these college guys wont have much to offer. should be a good night's rest.

we missed sufjan and the illinoisemakers in lancaster the other night. adulthood duties were calling. and now we're depressed.

the new death cab is disappointing. i dont want to be one of the kids who says "death cab sucks cuz they're on a major label now!" but major labels really do change your sound, i think. the guitars suffered the most, i think, and the melodies came second. thank goodness the lyrics are still top notch. (few similies are better than "like brothers on a hotel bed.") we had a listening party for it, at 7:00 on a saturday morning over eggs and coffee. i was going to write about that too.

on the other hand, the new sigor ros is excellent. the shorter songs are much more manageable than ( ) and the horns and strings are a welcome addition. if only i wouldve caught them on their tour. im jealous of you jamin and elaine.

i think that will be it for now. i should probably go post on my taylor blog, huh?

sometimes i feel like doogie howser md typing on this thing. that's the only part i remember of that show.

and one other thing.

i somehow got suckered into blogging for taylor again! i don't even go there anymore!

they are apparently doing a "first year" thing, and i'll be the "first year alumni" contributor. i dont think they realize i cant even update my own blog anymore, let alone one that i'm forced to do.

and i'm wondering how much i can really say. for instance, would it be appropriate to say "yes, i'm a teacher now, and taylor's education program did pretty much next to nothing to prepare me for it."? and while that's true, i guess it's not exactly fair, because i dont think any school's education program could prepare you for the madness that is your first year of teaching.

i guess if i clarify, it might be able to be said.

so, if your interested, check that out. not sure when it will be up, but, there you have it.

my mom just informed me that there was a hurricane nate recently. how exciting! i am sad i didn't know about it when it happened. but apparently he was short-lived.

this brings me to my next point.

i really do not recommend living without internet, tv, or newspaper. the only connection with the outside world i've been getting is whatever's on NPR during my 7 minute commute and whatever i happen to glance at on the front page of the newspapers that are laying in the teacher's lounge (which, the other week, included a front-page story about my 11th grade history teacher who was arrested for hiring boys to work for him and paying them extra to work in various stages of undress. but that's another story.) and it's really not healthy. this became very embarrassing when, on the second day of school, i saw a teacher looking at a newspaper shaking his head and saying "unbelieveable..." i asked, "what's that?" he just muttered, "hurricane" or "new orleans" or something like that, and the tone of his voice communicated that it was supposed to be a well-known-now-common-sense event that had occurred. in order to save face, i acted like i knew what he was talking about, but later with my own investigation, i found out about katrina.

i wrote that last post on a sunday. if i would be allowed to access blogger at school, on monday i would've gotten on and posted, "am i surviving, you ask? no, i don't think i am anymore."

that was the night i went home and starting sobbing at the dinner table for reasons unbeknownst to me. i think my body just needed some sort of release. the uncontrollable sobbing continued off and on throughout the night, until i fell asleep without knowing it at 8:00, and didn't wake up until 9:00 when erica came to bed, and i decided then to stay where i was at. ten hours of sleep was somewhat helpful, i guess.

the week went better from there, i guess. i don't think that it actually went a whole lot better, the kids are still uncontrollable and my lessons still suck, but it's just that i'm getting more used to surviving each day, becoming numb to it all. elaine sent me a little poem that starts out "roll on, thou deep and dark blue ocean - roll!" and that has quickly become my battle cry. it is sad, i guess, that survival is my main and only goal at this point, because my goal is supposed to be, of course, "no child left behind." but for now, let's worry about the teacher getting left behind, because if he's left behind, so are all the kids.

everyone who gives new teachers advice says to "start out tough and ease up later in the year." i had heard that enough to know, but i dont think i really realized how tough "tough" needed to be. the other day in the copy room, one teacher was giving me some tips, and boy does he play hardball with these kids, with some fierce profanity and all. i'll know for next year, i guess. not that i'll resort to profanity, but, you know what i mean.

enough about all of that. i really am doing ok all in all, but thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and hopes and words of encouragement. i do appreciate them and they are keeping me going.

so many movies that i'm missing! and ones to rent, now, too! i heard crash is out, which we've been waiting to see. and the music! how is the new death cab? i'm so behind!

tomorrow the entire shorb clan travels to hanover for blanton and mariana's 60th wedding anniversary. (that's my grandparents.) it will prove to be very interesting. they are renewing their vows, and they have decided to make it a real-deal wedding ceremony, complete with a wedding dress that was found at a yard sale. we found out recently that they never had a real wedding because one set of parents didnt approve or something like that, so with that in mind, it will be pretty special i guess. my grandma is apparently pretty giddy about it all. i'll give you the update later.

come visit. we miss you.

hello. thanks for coming back one more time to see if i'm alive.

first things first, let me make you aware that my cell phone is broken and i havent found the time to go buy a new one. that's part of the reason why i'm not calling you, because i don't have long distance on my home phone. but please feel free to call me on my home phone, and if you need the number, email me because for some reason i am wary of posting my phone number here.

second things second, i am not only wary about my phone number, but i am paranoid about talking too much on here in general, with a school full of new students and a district full of administrators searching for dirt on me. so, my expressions may be minimal here.

am i surviving, you ask?

i think so.

i made it through the first two weeks, and although they were terribly exhausting, i feel generally pretty good about them. it could just be the good mood i'm in today, though. middle school is a wild age, indeed. and the impoverished urban culture teaches no respect, no discipline, no self control, and no logic. how, then, do we teach these important life skills which are necessary before delving into academia? it is a culture of extreme selfishness that is driven by survival. when going over the code of conduct, i was trying to explain the section that spoke of "universal values." one of them was honesty. "can we all agree that being honest is a good thing?" one boy responded, "no, not always! because if you're doing something like stealing or something, and someone asks you if you did it, and you say yes, then you'll get in trouble. so it can be a bad thing." survival. where do you even begin in order to reverse that mentality? it's daunting.

so that is the culture. i feel confident that i can manage the classroom as well as can be expected (i found out friday that the use of spanish gets their attention, as the vast majority of them come from puerto rican heritage. i told them they must always put their name on their paper and then shouted "siempre!" and the wide eyes and gaping mouths told me i had their attention. then, when one boy was whining about something, i said, "pobresito!" with a pouty face, and everyone grinned and laughed and he stopped), but the concern now is figuring out the curriculum, what to teach, when to teach it, and how to teach it. my lessons have been incredibly shoddy thus far, and i am drowning in order to figure out how to teach the next day's material, let alone the next week's. this is the challenge, because if i don't have the lessons planned, there is a reason students are out of control, and the fault is then on my shoulders. so that's where we stand for the upcoming weeks.

organization is a chore and i have no idea how it should be accomplished. furthermore, i dont think there is a single middle schooler in the world who is organized, and if i can't organize myself, how do i teach them to be organized?

just many things to figure out and think about. and i'm sure it doesnt get much easier in the future. for now, we'll take it one ten-hour day at a time.

it's a little depressing to lose one's life to a job, no matter how enjoyable the job may potentially be. remember that 4-week lineup at the local theater i was so very excited about? we missed the last 3 weeks. there are several shows coming up that i may have to surrender. no time to listen to music, let alone write and play my own or with my friends. and my friends. how i miss them.

the first few weeks after taking the job, i was overwhelmed and depressed and didn't want to interact with anyone because of it. this weekend i'm realizing how desperately i need it. if i don't keep some sort of social life going amidst all of this, it will all get even more achingly depressing. so we'll work on that.

with those thoughts, i was missing college in a terrible way yesterday morning. i wanted a college saturday...waking up slowly at 10 or 11, getting a long, slow shower, wandering into someone's room and talking them into lunch, and taking the day very easy with the company of others. those were the days, no?

dan spent some time with us last night and erica and i enjoy him so very much. we have an interesting relationship. erica and i live vicariously through him, because he is living the adventurous life of a starving artist, finding random jobs and gigs that supply enough money for food and rent and enabling to do his art and moving on to the next thing after a few months. we came to find out last night that he is living vicariously through us, wanting the quaint apartment and the cute little wife and the homey decorations and the record player and the sunday morning coffee and whathaveyou. we tried convincing him that this adulthood gig is really not all it's cracked up to be, but he insisted. who knew?

but as i was saying, today i am good. last night dan slept over and the three of us went for a walk at 12:30 AM. it felt good to stay up late. i slept well, and we woke up and had eggs and toast and coffee. i was wishing you were there. it's an absolutely beautiful day. with labor day comes the most glorious weather one could ask for; these days have been the summer weather i've always dreamt of. we started a new sunday school with a teacher we enjoy and material that is weighty and challenging but enlightening and exciting, and the company of our young adult friends was more fun than ever for some reason. but yes, for the first time in a while i am excited about god and who he is and that is something i've needed more than anything over the past few weeks. and i drove our new stick-shift car on the road for the first time, and all in all, i did pretty well. (speaking of which, the other guy's insurance is taking the liability and reimbursing me, but because i took big red to a junk yard right away and it could very well be demolished by now, i dont think i'll get anything for him.)

this is the day the lord has made, and i'm rejoicing, and i'm not even dreading going to work tomorrow yet, which is amazing, and if this day keeps up, it will catapault me through my first 5-day week with no problem, even when i have my five boys in detention tomorrow afternoon.

thank you for thinking of me and hoping for me and praying with me. i do miss you.

...

- i like your tattoo, jamin. say hello to jared's record store for me. send me some pictures of it. i thought of you as i ate my eggs this morning.
- i miss you, yoder. call my house phone. when are you coming to visit?
- can you send me a burrito, chalupa? tell your neighbors to turn down their hiphop music.
- noah, we are starting desiring god in sunday school. so it looks like i'll be checking out your suggestion sooner than expected. do you read this?
- neville, give my regards to china.
- joanna? how and where are you? i keep trying to convince myself that bethlehem is on the same level of coolness as grand rapids, and while it's almost close, i am most likely lying to myself.
- who else is reading this? ben? hello prague! liz? i havent kept up with your blog. are you editing? i was telling dan about you this morning. does that freak you out? elaine? elaine, i have thought of you and joe extremely often for some reason. you two are the best friends i never made enough effort to have. did that make sense? david! are you reading this? i will return an email someday. i think of you incredibly often. and hello to everyone else, too, that i dont know about.
- today's sept. 11, isnt it? hm.