jimmy eat world's 'clarity' is the number one best album you tend to forget about. every once in a while i pull it out, dust it off, pop it in, and ask myself why i don't listen to it nonstop. its a summer driving record, so get it ready.

and there's something soothing and calming about sufjan's 'michigan.' tracks 13-14-15 straight through, in particular, release all sense of fear and worry. and it's ok to listen to all the even numbered tracks sometimes; they have their place and they're not all bad.

and yes, the six parts seven's 'things shaped in passing,' i will mention it again. relaxing, beautiful, the perfect soundtrack for nearly everything. without them, my book of poetry, and our living room couch, i probably wouldn't have made it through last night without a nervous breakdown. thanks to jared for convincing me to spend money on it. it was worth it.

it's another bring your fiancee to work day.

the other day, i accidentally split a big hole in my jeans. i was upset about it, but my mother was very consoling. you see, she and my father have, oddly enough, become very big american idol fans. her optimistic advice, then, was, "it's ok, nate! everyone on american idol has holes in their jeans!" i felt so much better about it after that.

i'm proud of this one for some reason.

there was more, but i've since forgotten. the day's soundtrack so far has been six parts seven 'things shaped in passing' and radiohead 'ok computer'. there is something amazing about ok computer.

happy easter.

to be perfectly honest, i've never been a big fan of the "he is risen, he is risen indeed" saying. unless, of course, sweet mineral is singing it.

last night erica and i bought a mattress. that seals the deal, in my mind. when you've bought a mattress together, there's no turning back. the place we bought it from was incredibly shady, not at all unlike the D&D Mattress Man.

my father is apparently very proud of this blog, so much so that he's been telling the entire church congregation about it. i was stopped by someone in the classroom hallway this morning and he very enthusiastically said, "hey, neat website! 200,000, huh?" i gave an awkward "yup" with a grin and a shrug. he turned and continued telling everyone he was previously conversing with, "yup, you type this guy's name in a search engine and his very own website comes up!" he was much too excited about it, and i'm rather embarrassed.

this morning i thought of apostle paul as an intellectual johnny knoxville, always traveling from town to town getting beat up and expecting it. i thought maybe he received a great sense of adventure out of his job, running away from mobs and laughing with barnabus and his other buddies. granted, his purpose was a bit more significant than just getting money for being a jackass, and i realize it's a little bit of a lame analogy, but i liked the thought when it popped into my mind.

i must go, because taylor just came out to the computer room and informed me that "this is a family day."

and would it be too much of a harsh overstatement to say that 'the purpose driven life' is becoming the evangelicals' apocrypha?

you're sick of hearing about weddings, because everyone is doing it, but i must let you know that progress is being made. wedding bands were purchased today. mine is just about as plain as it gets, which is what i like. tonight, envelopes were addressed with the incredible handwriting skills of nate and rata. and plans for the best processional music you've ever heard are underway. get ready. so, now we just have to take care of the little things, like planning a freaking RECEPTION.

we also looked at a pretty nice apartment today, and it looks as though thats where we'll live. the good news is that there are two other two-bedroom apartments in the same building right next door that are being renovated, and you're invited to move in! so start looking for jobs in bethlehem. and the rent's pretty cheap, too!

went to the good friday service tonight. i try to have a good attitude every year, and every year i come out more cynical than i was before (which is hard to believe). i don't think i want to go next year. i don't think it's healthy for me.

i got my first issue of relevant magazine today. i think they would fulfill their mission of relevance a lot more effectively if they spent less time trying to convince everyone that they are relevant and more time actually just being so. it takes more than a slick design to be relevant, and sometimes i don't think they're picking up on that. and seriously, simply by calling your magazine "relevant" screams the fact that you're trying too hard. i appreciate their effort, and it's not all bad, but, yeah, i believe you're relevant, you dont have to try and convince me on every page, just write, that's all i ask.

if you didn't want a copy of my movie before, you will after finding out how good it is!

i thought this was spring break! why is there snow on the ground?! where am i -- michigan?!?

the trip home went smoothly yesterday except for annoying trucks and slow drivers. construction is finally complete on the PA turnpike, and it is BEAUTIFUL. beautiful because first, there is no construction, and second, now it's a beautiful spacious fast 3 lane highway. the only problem is the speed limit, for whatever reason, is still 55 mph. helllooooo, this is the 21st century, we don't drive 55 mph anymooooore. i was actually rehearsing what i would say to the cop who would pull me over for speeding. "sir, i mean no disrespect by this, but i would honestly like to know why the speed limit needs to be 55 mph on a 3-lane highway." thankfully, i didn't have the opportunity to ask.

five years ago on this night, erica and i were rushing to the hospital after a crazy for you dress rehearsal to greet the newest member of the shorb family. she was tiny and she was beautiful. i told her that tonight and asked, "do you believe it?" she said in her oh-brother-tone-of-voice, "no."

then i said, "do you know who's coming home on wednesday??" she replied, "i knoooow, it's YOU!" she continued, "i know because i'm so smart now that i'm five."

happy birthday, taylor!

i found myself in a whirlwind trip to michigan this weekend. jared and i went to visit joanna and the girls in grand rapids. we went to a record store, a movie store, watched big red, home movie, and fell asleep during ghostbusters and the incredibles. on sunday morning we woke up and had breakfast and went to a pretty great christian reformed church and hung out and were on our way.

it was good to see joanna and meet "the guy that she dates." hanging out with all these old working people made me feel rather young, being the only one still in school and all. it was even stranger knowing i too would be old like this come june, and even more so in some respects, being married and all. it gives me the heebie jeebies at times.

there are certain friends who, for some reason, turn me into a giggly little immature girl. jared cheek is one of them. and while it's embarassing, especially in the presence of mature, older, intimidating new acquaintances, there are few times when i am happier. there's nothing better than an uncontrollable giggle fit that makes your stomach sore and your cheeks tingly, regardless of who is present.

grand rapids is a nice place. it's an urban setting, with all the resources like cool record stores and book shops and restaurants, but without being a daunting metropolis. it made me want to go to calvin. erica thinks allentown and bethlehem might have a lot to offer too, and i hope she is right, but i'm a little bit skeptical.

i like michigan in general. sure, the long winter leaves a little to be desired, but there's a lot of great things about the state:

- it just feels homey, but not in an annoying southern accent sweet home alabama kind of way.
- you can drive as fast as you want! not only is the speed limit 70 mph, but cops apparently dont even care when you go 90 mph!
- all the towns have cool names. when i brought neville to pennsylvania, he made fun of all of our town names. i thought he was just being mean, but now i know the surroundings he grew up with, and he must just be surprised when he sees the opposite. i mean, really, kalamazoo, ypsilanti, otsego! no but seriously, must i really go on?
- while having a great lake isn't quite as good as having an ocean, it's still pretty great.
- and this one requires further research, but i think michigan dutch people might be cooler than pennsylvania dutch people. i'm not willing to stand firm on that one though, not just yet.

on the way home, we decided to drop by neville's house for a little bit because he's home on break. his ENTIRE family was home, including gavin's two new puppies, and poor jared was scared stiff i think. it's an intimidating experience! but it was pretty great. when we weren't laughing because they were funny, we were laughing because it was random, chaotic, awkward, strange, and what have you, and because we felt like barry egan on the verge of a nervous breakdown. it was beautiful! and neville's sister made some amazing brownies! (which, incidentally, jared refused to eat, adding to the awkwardness.)

lots of driving and lots of gas money (we got gas for $2.19 in michigan, and we thought it was a deal!) and lots of schoolwork avoidance but all well worth it.

i want to publish a book of blog posts. how long should i wait before doing so? do i have enough material from the past 2 and a half years?

when i'm a teacher i'll be able to fill a book in no time. so maybe i should publish the college years. then the sequel can be the career years.

ive been trying to avoid posting for a while, because i'm posting every day, but they are all pretty worthless posts. but things happen that i want to share and i get sucked in every day. i'd like to skip at least one day, but, it happens.

yesterday i wore a bright green shirt without thinking about it. good thing it was yesterday and not today, st. patricks day, or that wouldve been a repeat of my valentines day blunder!! twice would have been wayyy too much to handle.

film fest last night. i agreed with the awards. there were some gripes about some of the movies and the event as a whole, but all in all i was pleased.

this morning i wrote and printed out letters of inquiry. i'll buy envelopes hopefully today and soon they'll be on their way and that is progress and progress makes me glad.

recorded percussion for "immortal, invisible" last night. i'll do vocals, maybe with erica, over spring break. had a good, long conversation with the man formerly known as liz, and that made me feel really good.

i'm listening to twothirtyeight today: regulate the chemicals is a masterpiece. and for some uncanny reason, i am always always always wearing my twothirtyeight shirt when i listen to their music. and it's never intentional. and right now i'm listening to an mp3 of the upcoming discover america release and it is great great great great. chris staples is the savior of indie rock, and if he's making music like this, i'm no longer upset he didn't join unwed sailor after all.

spring has arrived today and this is reason for rejoicing whether you're irish or not.

just when you thought big red's value couldn't depreciate any further, he will now be sitting in the driveway next to this:



and dang! as if the car isn't pretty enough, look at its driver!

what an exciting week. we had pi day yesterday (i realized last night that the reason it was pi day is because it was 3/14), the ides of march today, and st. patricks day on thursday (it's thursday isnt it?). if this isn't a week to celebrate, i don't know what is!

apparently, today is national pi day. and some math nerd decided to celebrate. he or she wrote "happy pi day!" and continued to write the number pi with large sidewalk chalk numbers, snaking around taylor's sidewalks, all the way to the 878th digit. that's dedication. and it brightened my day! it's these individual underground acts of joy that i appreciate. and it reminded me that that is why we celebrated big red's 200,000th mile, not to win the stupid film fest.

this morning at breakfast, pelz and i were having a good natured argument about my tastes in music. he was telling me i liked "girly rock," and the word girly offended me. this argument climaxed when he claimed that explosions in the sky was girly rock. i yelled (in the DC, during quiet breakfast time) "are you kidding me?!? explosions in the sky?!? girly rock?!?! the drummer hit through his snare head during the second song when i saw them! creed's drummer has never done that!" i had referenced creed several times during this discussion, and i was apparently upsetting someone, because right after i said this, a guy i've never seen before marched over to our table, looked me in the eye, and said firmly, "that's because creed buys quality drumheads!" and he marched off. i was stunned, first at his audacity, second at his intense passion for creed, extended to the burden of needing to defend them.

that story is dedicated to joe wallace.

friday night ended up a success, for which i was pleased. around 4:45 i passed out on the couch and aroused myself when the news came on at 5:00. i stumbled into my bedroom and fell on frenchy's bed and woke up 2 hours later. that put me in the groggy depressed friday night mood. but i got a few things done and eventually seven or so guys who didn't make it to the penthouse pick-a-date came over and we watched home movie and the motorcycle diaries. home movie was hilarious and motorcycle diaries was compelling. i went to bed at 2:00.

i got a lot done on saturday morning. "taking a break" after lunch turned into not working anymore until today. i came to the penthouse and hung out and then went grocery shopping and then had a few guys over for dinner. the food was a success, all in all. chalupa came over and i slept on the couch while he watched the five obstructions and punch drunk love. i was groggy! i actually saw most of the five obstructions. it was like watching an inside joke and while i liked each of the five obstructions themselves, i wasnt too into the movie.

church was ok, and then chalupa fed me burritos, and then i worked alll afternoon and then i came to penthouse to work on the 5 math assignments i havent done and now i'm here typing and im really hungry.

i almost went to fort wayne armed with a sign that said, "god loves us all, whether we're homosexuals or biggots," but i didn't.

if i dont mention i'm typing in noah's room, he'll get really upset at me.

you didnt really want to know any of that, did you?

have a good week.

The God Hates Fags organization will be bringing their "picketing ministry" to Fort Wayne this Sunday, visiting churches who are actually "queer-friendly sodomite whorehouses" in disguise.

Christ! Have mercy on us! We are trying our best, but we make such a mess of things!

i'll be honest, this film fest thing is depressing me a whole lot more than i originally thought.

and it's friday. and i decided against mewithoutyou. and i doubt i'll go along on the penthouse pick-a-date. and i'm too uncomfortable to go with chalupa and friend's to PJ's. so it looks like this will turn out to be a lonely and depressing weekend, and i realize i did it entirely to myself this time around. but i do have 4 movies to watch, and lots of homework to do, and i'll probably make myself a bagel-and-egg sandwhich, so it's not all bad, right?

and this is coming, too....and reading so is definitely a high spot in my weekend.

the ozinga treaty had a respectable first show. anathallo was as incredible as ever. saxon shore was extremely disappointing.

i skipped what could have been my last intramural game ever to go to the show. and this game determined whether or not we made the playoffs. but word on the street is that we won big time. hooray!

a special hello to elaine, who is bored at her job. she supposedly read my entire blog (that's 2 and a half years worth, folks) which is extremely scary, because who knows what i wrote back then?

a special hello to joe, as well, who is a stalker of mine. i got to see him tonight which was nice.

jamin and i got word that "big red: the road to 200,000" got turned down for the film fest. i'm doing my best not to be bitter, but its haahd, you know, its haahd. there were 15 films submitted and only 5 got in. that's competition, baby. we're hoping to have ifc schedule a special showing of ours and maybe some of the other rejects. we shall see. but congratulations to liz and robby, because their films got in, and i'm not mad at them for it.

i saw the VP of SAC after the show, and he greeted me, hoping i wouldnt bring up the film fest. like the jerk that i am, i did, and it made him very uncomfortable. but the guy couldnt even give me a cordial "but it was really good, though...!" he just gave his excuses and walked off. but you can't blame the guy, i guess, making cuts and hurting feelings is never an easy job.

chompers the cat is sitting on the table next to the laptop watching me type. i'll admit, he's cute. but i still don't really like him.

i decided against seeing mewithoutyou tomorrow night. am i crazy? and i was thinking of having a sleepover with some of the penthouse guys, but i just remembered they have a pick-a-date tomorrow night. so we'll see what comes of things. it's going to be a weekend full of homework, that's for sure.

happy fridays.

im tired and overwhelmed. so tired, in fact, that a little bit ago my bed grabbed me and swallowed me whole for a half hour that quickly turned into a full one instead.

you can see your breath when you breathe in our apartment. spring better come fast.

so we got the big red documentary turned in for the film fest after jamin's fineggling. (how do you spell that one?) he made a super awesome cover for it and i was very impressed. and we threw a pack of big red gum in the case at the last second to bribe the SAC and IFC kiddies.

i'd like to make a bunch of these for people, but dont have the money. would you be interested in owning one for probably less than 10 dollars? if you are, let me know, and if there's an interest we'll start working on it. but trust me, the packaging will be totally sweet. and i might even be able to talk jamin into including deleted scenes!

its a busy day. but thankfully one class let out early and another was cancelled.

i called praxis and made some progress. there are pros and cons. the pros? i'll be able to fit all of my tests in and i'll definitely get to pick up my middle school certifications. the cons? six hours of testing in one day costing well over $300 in the end. and that's five tests total for certification, which is well well well over $300.

i had forgotten about this one...

mary met andres and i after school. we caught a micro and took it to mary's sister's house. it was joel's birthday.

the house was humble, but it was apparent they were more blessed than most.

i met the kids but they weren't very receptive, which was understandable. there was a sheepish girl helping around the house. she was making empenadas with ericka, and mary quickly joined in. i watched a little bit and they talked me into helping. and they laughed at me.

mary showed me the pet parrot. he could say "hola tia mary!" and "ciao tia mary!" he was a funny bird.

mary's sister, ericka, liked me from the start, because my fiancee's name was erica. the name erica sounds prettier when spanish people say it. (so does the name "mary." our english r's are quite ugly sounding.) she showed me wedding pictures and we did our best to communicate about wedding customs in our broken english and spanish.

we gathered around the table and they sang "estamos contentos," which is a beautiful birthday song. andres messed up the words and sang "we're happy for the food" instead of "we're happy for the life." mary and ericka and the helper girl were laughing so hard at his mistake that they couldn't finish the song.

they sang another song, and at the end of it they smashed joel's face into the blue icing of the cake. some sort of custom, i guess, and i kind of liked it.

eventually ericka's husband came home. he spoke to me in the best bolivian english i heard while being down there. it was very quickly evident that he was a good husband and father. he greeted joel with a hug and asked how his party was going.

later on, while we were playing catch in the front yard, he came out armed with a shovel to pick up the dog excrement. i learned the spanish word for excrement: excremento. he said it to his children with a sense of urgency: "¡excremento!"

mary's niece had a concert for school that night. she was playing the recorder. i sat in the corner of the livingroom watching mary brush and braid her niece's hair at the dining table, while her niece played her recorder in between grimmaces from her hair being pulled. it was a scene out of a foreign film.

ericka had a big and beautiful smile, much like mary's. their smiles and laughter revealed an amount of joy rarely found back home in the states.

i played outside with the kids and mary until mark and susana came to pick us up.

...i had forgotten about this one, but now that i've remembered it, it is crystal clear in my mind. i close my eyes and i am there. and i am wearing an uncontrollable grin, both there in my bolivian daydream and here in my indiana reality.

two years ago, i had the privelege of working in haiti. our project was to help build one side of a balcony on a new church that had been a slow moving project. it looked something like this when we arrived:

after a week of hard work, we left it like this:

i got an email last night. and the church now looks like this:

i can't even begin to describe how amazing it was to see this last night. thank you lord, for amazing opportunties and for your amazing faithfulness.

the warm weather was short-lived. you would think after 4 years in indiana i would come to expect this.

two nights in a row of little sleep has led to some intense grogginess today.

jamin and i are putting the finishing touches on the documentary. it is turning out pretty dang great. we are fighting to fix some overexposed parts, but dont think they are entirely fixable. this is quite a shame because it's the only thing holding us back from an oscar nomination for best documentary short.

editing the documentary caused me to avoid all schoolwork and responsibility this weekend, and when i was on my way to handy andy (*ahem* circle k, i mean) to pick up our pizza, my up-tight-brain started saying with a great deal of urgency, "shorb! get your act together! you've got other stuff to be taking care of!" i promptly responded in a firm tone equally as urgent, "listen here, buster brain, i've been waiting for some fun and excitement, or at the very least something--anything!--more interesting than sitting in my apartment staring at walls for the past two and a half months, and nothing is going to stop me now, especially not homework i can live without doing!" he shut up after that and i had a great time, stayed out til after 12 (which is very late for a formerly-student-teaching-apartment-living-newspaper-delivery-boy, mind you), and went straight to bed.

good luck (or god bless, if you prefer) on your test, andy! you'll be the best chemical sprayer i know!

(and by the way, music for the day is appleseed cast's low level owl vol. 1)

today i warned frenchy that he was overplaying rilo kiley and he was going to ruin them sooner or later.

so then he put in usher.

i guess i asked for it.

last night turned out to be very productive and you should be proud. i finished an art project, found articles for my health project, made copies for a new art project, and made some headway on my licensure application. at 10:15 i went over to help jamin edit our documentary. i stayed there til 3:00AM! arent you proud of me? so yesterday i was awake from 6:30AM to 3:30AM. that's a long time to be awake, kids.

the documentary is really coming along, i might add. it's tough to edit out some of the stuff we're editing out, but youve gotta do what youve gotta do. that's the hardest part of editing. some stuff is really great, but you have to sacrifice it for the good of the entirety of the film.

so i bet you think i skipped church this morning, huh? well you'd be WRONG. i went to exit 59. i dont feel challenged at these muncie alliance churches, because i already agree with everything they preach. but yet, i think it's good to get that same message every week, because it's one that no one else is preaching, and it's always good to be reminded.

ive always been too lazy to memorize scripture, but i think i'd like to memorize philippians 3.

today the sun is out and it's beautiful. i just cleaned my closet/computer room/recording studio which was long overdue. im going to grab something to eat and get a little work done and then head over to jamin's for more editing. im also hoping to watch the gleaners and i again in hopes of reviewing it for the echo even though most people would probably hate it.

may the peace of god be with you on this day.

i think i could handle getting into half-handed cloud. you should probably go out and buy me his entire catalog.

if you're interested, im a new author over here, along with nev and chalupa and liz boltz and two other people who i dont know but they never write on there anyway. i do realize this means i now have three blogs, and i do realize im a total loser for it.

i took 2 praxis tests this morning. not too bad all in all. and, assuming i passed, im one step closer to indiana and pennsylvania certification, which is a pretty good feeling. but dang those tests are daunting. 2 hours each and 120 questions each. you get to question 60 and your brain is already fried and you realize you're only halfway there. it wasnt fun.

i was hungry tonight because the only thing i had eaten since 7:00 this morning was 2 candy bars. i made an impressive little meal if i may say so myself. it was eggs and onions and green pepper with crushed red pepper and cilantro and celery seed with some melted cheddar cheese in a tortilla. i enjoyed it.

jamin just came over to the apartment a little bit ago to film a quick project for one of his classes. i think it will turn out to be a pretty impressive little movie for such quick work.

not a whole lot going on tonight. trying to make some progress on a few projects that shouldve been started a long time ago. and perhaps i'll watch motorcycle diaries a bit later. we shall see.

keep on keeping on.

another long random story and update post coming...brace yourselves...

milford played a team last night that had 3 black guys, lots of tattoos, and lots of muscles. they were scary. we lost. and it was the first game where i actually played well, which made it even more painful.

last night scott was complaining that he had swimmer's ear after his water safety class. chalupa suggested he stick a long thing of newspaper in his ear and light the end on fire, because this somehow creates a change in pressure or something and solves the problem. so we tried it. the first time, we pulled it out too soon. the second time, it was wrapped too tightly and wouldnt burn. so the third time, scott wraps a big thing of newspaper, sticks one end in his ear, bends over the sink in the kitchen, and we light it. frenchy, joe darling, chalupa, and i were all in the kitchen coaching him. i had the bowl of water ready to throw on it when it got close to his ear. well, we waited, and waited, and waited, and he was freaking out and the flame was getting closer and closer. and finally, the split second i was about to put it out, scott screams at the top of his lungs, jumps up, knocks the bowl of water out of my hands, and jumps up and down screaming. apparently i waited too long.

we watched the story of the weeping camel last night. it was kinda slow but very beautifully done and a really intriguing story. i liked it quite a bit. tonight i watched a documentary called the gleaners and i. i LOVED it. the lady who films it and narrates it loves life and capturing the beauty of it wherever it's found. she is a grown up amelie. very quirky, very fun. she follows people that salvage junk or eat food from trash cans and its interesting and beautiful. i would really recommend it, although i'm probably crazy for thinking you might like it.

we had an interesting discussion about religious pluralism in contemp today. i was thinking and it was good.

scott's car is in the shop and they told him they had a vehicle he could borrow. little did he know the vehicle they were giving him was a big white pickup truck with a license plate on the front that says "i'm too sexy for my hair, that's why it isnt there."

check out the comments on this post. how cool is that? i helped him, and he emailed me back and told me that if i ever get to read "Revolution No. 9" by Neil McMahon, i should think of him. i feel so important! german book lovers all over the world are indebted to me!

here's another funny story and that will wrap up this post.

i picked up a kid and his parents from the indy airport on monday for the admissions office. they flew in from dallas. we didnt get back in time to eat at the dining commons, so i took them to the subway in the mcclure gas station in upland. they got their subs and were paying for them at the cash register. the kid pointed out some of those energy pill things and mentioned how they were illegal in texas because some people have died from using them. this is where the teenage cashier chimed in. "yeah, one of my friends, well, my friends mom, actually, took those every day, and then one day, she went into the hospital because of it, and they had to cut open her chest and restart her heart and it was going nuts and bleeding all over the place and if they did anything wrong her heart could completely explode at any given moment." he kept going and going with more and more detail right as this family was getting ready to eat their dinner. after their appetites had completely disappeared, he finally concluded the story with "....so my suggestion is....huhuhuh....don't ever take them....cuz...like...they really mess you up."

i think this is going to be one of those really long general update and random thought kind of posts. to be honest, those are always my favorite.

the weather has been miserable but today the sun is piercing through the clouds and the snow and the fierce windy cold, so there is hope after all. and it's march 2nd! soon we'll be going out like a lamb and partying all day every day. remember in elementary school where in every grade once march rolled around you made some kind of craft or art project related to lions and lambs?

ive been sick ever since saturday night. a sore throat and hints of a cold and general feelings of grogginess and fatigue. i often wonder how much of these ongoing feelings relate to my lack of exercise. i should look into it.

i watched the documentary "to be and to have" with frenchy and chalupa over the weekend and slept through most of it. i watched it again yesterday and really liked it. it's about a one room school in france. i am an el ed major who loves french kids, so i'm a little biased. but even though it was slow and had no plot, it was a very enjoyable and heartfelt look at education and kids and so on and so forth. so many great moments. the teacher talking with jojo about infinity, and helping him wash his hands. the teacher saying goodbye to all the kids at the end of the year was a tearjerker. and the bonus features with the kids reciting poetry. its pretty beautiful. if i ever get sick of being a teacher, i'll pop this movie in and watch it a couple of times and be ready to go again.

ive been dreaming about bolivia 5 nights out of 7. i can picture those streets very clearly in my mind and miss mary and adrian very very much. those were good days and i am thankful for them.

this morning was youth conference chapel and for some reason, even though they are fun at the time, they have a way of depressing me. i have a lot of unresolved tension with youth ministry i think. i dont know what my problem is with it, really. i cant write it like i think and i cant think it like i feel it. but i will say this...

i think too much energy is spent on trying to convince teenagers that christianity is fun. its seems as though it is our only apologetic with that age group. we play a catchy song or have silly contests and then demand, "who says being a christian isnt fun?!?"

but is being a christian fun? as fun as we claim?

and if being a christian wasnt fun, would it be worth our while? (...i hope we can agree the answer is yes.)

i feel like we're really insecure about the level of fun we're having, and we have to dress it up and try to convince everyone. "we dont need beer to have a good time!!" it seems rather lame to me. and what im trying to say is we should follow christ whether its fun or not. and from what i know and read, it is not fun more often than it is fun, or at least, i think it is supposed to be that way. are we ok with that? and can we convince teenagers that it's still worthwhile even if it isn't fun?

maybe my problem with youth ministry is that the gospel is so often dressed up into things that it isnt, and not just in what i'm talking about here, but in a variety of ways. and i really think it screws with peoples minds. but i'll stop there before i start saying things i dont mean or dont fully understand.

well, i'll say one more thing. i'd much rather focus my energy on teaching teenagers how to think than on having them pray a prayer or make a "commitment." because the ability to think will last longer and lead to more positive effects than words uttered during an emotional high.

theres more and theres more and theres more but i'll keep thinking and i hope you do the same.

later skaters.