During the idealistic years of college, every Education major is out to save the world. Nearly every one of them has an intense love and burden for children and that’s exactly why they’re going into the profession. But for some of us, it doesn’t take very long into the first year of teaching for all of that to go out the window. In my college days, I took a vow that if I was ever teaching for the paycheck rather than for the kids, I would quit. And there were several days throughout the first year when I was considering quitting precisely for that reason. That line between a paycheck and the kids becomes very blurred very quickly, especially during the first year.

But every time I drive to Coopersburg, I drive through the ghetto neighborhoods of the kids that I teach. And every time I do, I nearly get into several accidents because I am looking back and forth, everywhere but the road, in hopes of seeing some of my students.

Today I was sitting at a red light and saw two boys at the corner of the intersection. One was a student I had this past year and the other was a wacky eighth grader who talked (in his loud, boisterous voice) to every teacher in the building whether he was in their class or not, alll of which was made even more funny by his Spanglish and thick accent. So, sitting at the light, I yelled their names out of my window. Their faces lit up, the first boy pointed and yelled “Maestro!” and they came running into the middle of the street to my car to greet me. The first boy shook my hand and I said, “Como esta tu verano?” “Bien.” The second boy shook my hand too, and with his huge grin and thick accent said, “Hey mister! How you doin?!? Long time no see! What’s goin on?!?” I told them to take care of themselves, the light turned green, and I smiled the whole way home.

So, if seeing these little brats in the middle of my summer fills me with this much joy, I’m hoping that’s some indication that I’m still in this for the right reasons.

I reached a new milestone yesterday. I got food stuck in my beard.

june 18, 2006

thoughts at the beach.

two wet dogs lay contentedly next to their owner a few yards away and the ocean breeze continues to waft their foul odor in our direction. do dogs enjoy this as much as we humans? do they find the same pleasure in sitting under the sun and marveling at the waves? are they thinking, “there is nothing better than a day at the beach” or do they just follow their owner wherever he decides to take them without question?

does anyone else find this absurd, the way we herd together in our skivvies, temporarily showing off areas we typically prefer to keep hidden, only to roll around in itchy, sticky sand and sweat profusely as we offer our bodies to the sun, or am i the only one? i mean, what is so attractive about the beach that causes so many of us to give in to this absurdity? i know i’m not the only one thinking this; surely the seagulls wonder.

what if the sand was granulated sugar, or at least edible, so that we could sit in our beach chairs and eat it by the handful? we could fill our beach bags with pounds of ocean sugar and take it home for baking.

what possesses one to get a tribal tattoo? which was a worse fad: the tazmanian devil calf tattoos or the extremely large tribal tattoos?

A morning at Panera. A toasted french toast bagel (have you tried these things?!? because holy moly, you should.) and some Guatelmalan coffee.

I accidentally left my headphones at home, which means I am forced to listen to elevator classical and various conversations instead of my usual autumnal selections, which will make my morning at Panera much shorter and less enjoyable. One man on the complete opposite side of the restaurant is having a loud business conversation. He's saying things like, "I agree with you, but the other side of the coin is..." or "We don't have to like each other but..." or "My view, since you're a young woman, is..." and his voice sounds like a familiar radio personality whom I can't quite put my finger on. His conversation is full of sexist banter and interspersed with fake cheezy business man chuckles. Everyone else in the restaurant is making small talk about the flooding that's been going on lately.

They need bigger coffee mugs here so that I don't have to get up every 15 minutes. Or maybe some nice waitresses. The kind that call you "hun."

I have two missions to complete with the internet access here. One: buy some artwork from Zack and Gala Bent. Two: sign up for DSL from Verizon. That's right, after a year, I think we're finally caving, and it's going to revolutionize the way we live at the Shorb house.

Two bites ago tasted like sesame. One bite ago tasted like onion. They need to isolate their bagels a little better.

Two ladies just sat RIGHT next to me. I feel nervous inside. Their cell phone just went off with the can-can ringtone. If only I had my headphones. And now they changed their mind and they're moving to the back. I guess I scared them as much as they scared me. Maybe they knew I was writing about them.

I just got up to get more coffee and hit my head on the low hanging light above my table and everyone laughed at me. Not really, but I could feel them laughing on the inside. And now the light is still swinging left to right to left to right, taunting me like a gradeschool bully.

The woman behind me is having a loud conversation about the men having a loud conversation. She is right, there are men talking very loudly and seriously about golf. They sound sort of ridiculous. "He LEADS the nation is birdies blah blah blah but on the SHORTEST hole of the course, he was ONE OVER PAR."

On ideas aside from Panera, Erica and I are beginning to a pursue a diet with stronger vegetarian leadings. You know, the world of fresh produce, bean sprouts, cous cous, pitas and hummus. We haven't eaten much meat lately, mostly because we've depleted our freezer stockpile and none of it has been on sale lately. And when we ate pitas and hummus the other day for lunch, we decided perhaps it would be a pleasing diet. It didn't last very long, as last night I was craving a cheesesteak and Erica had to remind me, "Aren't we vegetarians, now?" I had to remind her that we weren't full-out vegetarians, only vegetarian leaners, and an occasional cheesesteak would have to be acceptable. So anyway, if you have any good vegetarian-leaning recipes (perhaps a recipe for tofu cheesesteaks?) send them our way.

Well, Panera is approaching its peak hours, and I am taking up four seats. Two very adorable children have taken a table next to me. I can't decide what artwork to buy from the Bent's, and the Verizon website keeps timing out. I suppose I'll be on my way. Have a wonderful rainy day.

the summer has been busy thus far with many going-ons and many ideas learned but nothing too overly fitting for sharing with cyberspace. just know that i am enjoying myself and staying busy.

my parents return from kenya on wednesday. sounds like they've had an exhausting but great trip.

film night at the shorb's is underway. we watched millions last week and will be watching stevie this thursday. come on over.

last night the desk bells made a small yet poignant debut in church. i got to play auxillary percussion, which i am finding to be my new calling in life, with wes on guitar, mike on piano, and kyle on drums. i could play music with those guys all day long for the rest of my life. few are more creative and tasteful than michael scales is, and no one feels their music quite like kyle page does.

i'm working on getting a picture of the beard in order to impress all of you.

i babysat taylor and logan last week, which i think was actually a first for me. i can handle it now that they're out of the diaper stage. this much is true: absolutely nothing is more affirming than hearing a 3-year-old exclaim between giggles, "this was a good idea, nate!"

Q: What do teacher's do in the summer?
A: Work on growing their beards.

We went to the beach on Friday. It was the perfect day for the beach.

We got our car washed for free yesterday. It was at a church and I was really scared they were going to witness to us (my social anxiety is heightened in situations of witnessing) but they didn't. They just very nicely washed our car and sent us on our way with a smile.

Number one rule of attending small-town DIY film fests: Steer clear from the no-name full-length feature films. No matter how excited the local newspaper is about them or how intriguingly funny they sound, there is a reason they are only playing at small-town film fests, and that's because they are long with slow-moving weak story lines and lots of awkward unnecessary sex scenes. It is much better to stick to the 2 - 10 minute animated masterpieces, such as the few we saw before the awkward and long no-name feature film.

Anyway, the summer's great so far.

Vince Vaughan reminds me of someone, but I don't know who. His mouth, facial expressions, the way he talks, his eyes, his chubby neck....I've seen it all before but don't know where. Can anyone help me on that?

I don't know much about this Snakes on a Plane movie, but is it supposed to be a comedy? Because when the trailer ended, the entire theater laughed quite loudly.

I love Friday night naps and Saturday morning movies. Does that make me weird?

I don't think I mentioned that the other week we watched The Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio, an overlooked 2005 movie. It's a heartwarming little true story about an amazing mother. It was an enjoyable little gem.

I've had 1 real day of summer so far, and it was wonderful. I haven't had a summer like this one since late middle school/early high school. It's going to be amazing.

One thing I didn't mention is what Erica got me as an anniversary present. The woman who doesn't so much care for all of my random silly instruments demonstrated her sacrificial love for me by giving me a musical saw. Yes! I have a musical saw! And it's amazing.

And with that, the kids are off on their summer vacation full of video games and tv and swimming pools and bike rides and no good, and the teachers are set to embark on the recuperation process after another day and a half of meetings.

And what a year it has been. The feeling of dread was a familiar one, one that started the minute I hung up the phone and accepted the job. The feeling of exhaustion and weariness were also familiar.

In fact, summing up the entire year in one cute little blog post is a task too daunting for this quick visit to the library. It was a long roller coaster ride, the worse part of the year that has earned the title of "the best and worst year of my life."

But I want to thank you, the people who have rooted me on, prayed for me, who were depressed with me then and who are excited with me now. To know that I have had the support of so many people is humbling; it is one of things--the other things not being so positive, such as threats and rocks to the face and disrespect and whathaveyou--that has brought tears to my eyes more than once over the past 10 months. It is one of the things that has brought me through. So thanks.

And it was good today to sit in an assembly that recognized student after student for their accomplishments. Granted, none of the students were mine, but it was good to know that there ARE some students acheiving and succeeding in my school. If I had known that earlier in the year, it would have helped my outlook a little more. And as the year-in-review video played, I got chills several times, being proud and honored to be a part of something like this, even though, ironically, it is something I have hated so much at times.

I spent a prep period last week printing out the best of the 170 referrals I wrote this year. I showed them to several friends last night, and they got a very good laugh. So, I am looking to publish them. A possible title could be My First Year of Teaching: I Thought I Owned the Effing School. I could pass it on to senior education majors to give them a proper warning.

And to think that after all of this, I would be not only planning on returning to the same school, but saying to people, "I'm looking forward to next year!" That, friends, is not much short of a miracle. I like teaching when I am able to look at kids and smile, seeing them as being full of life and character, getting joy from who they are. Those moments were more frequent in recent months.

All of that being said, today was the end of the schoolyear, and Sunday was the end of the better part of "the best and worst year of my life." Yes, Erica and I have been married for one year, which is extremely difficult to believe. It's been a good year because of her, and the past week has been one of much rejoicing for me, knowing that not only am I done with school, but I have this amazing woman in my life to whom much of the credit of my survival is due. I think of her and a smile comes to my face.

So. What a year it's been. A lot has been learned. And I wish I could pause time for a few moments just to bask in this sense of liberating accomplishment and pure joy, but one thing this year has taught me is that time keeps rolling along at a rate faster than most of us can handle. So I guess I must rejoice while moving on to whatever is coming next.

Come visit us and celebrate!



I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all...