sorry for all the posts today, but one more thing.
so these socks from walmart (why does it seem like im always buying socks and always talking about it on here?)....all the sock companys nowadays are packaging their socks in resealable packages. WHY THE HECK WOULD I WANT TO RESEAL MY PACKAGE OF SOCKS?!? and why in the world would that make me want to buy your socks? the other thing...i went with jerzee socks cuz they were the cheapest, and the package says in huge lettering "THE BIG FOOT!" well thanks, jerzee, as if im not self-concious enough about my huge feet, as if i havent been made fun of all my life, you have to go and advertise it to the millions of wal mart shoppers as i walk through the store. other companies choose wording like "big and tall" but no...jerzee has to go with "THE BIG FOOT!"
on a different note...how do you know if deli ham has spoiled or not? its kinda slimy, but no slimier than usual. and smells weird, but i dont think any weirder than usual. i guess i'll find out when i eat lunch tomorrow. maybe im not ready for this independent living yet.

i feel like such an adult tonight. i could really handle this house-of-my-own-independent-living kind of thing. i mowed the lawn, emptied and loaded the dishwasher, put other dishes away, and made myself dinner. then i went to the thrift store looking for work pants without any success, but found 3 great shirts. its unusual for me to find anything at the thrift store, but this was my best trip in a long time. then i went to walmart and bought socks and gatorade. you'd think it's all a marketing ploy, but walmart really does have the best prices. its undeniable. you've got to hand it to them, they know what they're doing. a gallon of gatorade, for example, is ON SALE at the grocery store for 2.50. at walmart - 1.86. unbelievable. then, i had to go to the grocery store for milk. yup, i sure am an adult.
ok goodnight.

im glad we dont have a fence surrounding our yard anymore. in fact, the majority of our old fence has been burned in our fireplace by now. as long ago as i could remember, the fence was always in pretty poor condition. untreated wood, rotting, rusty nails, missing posts, and so on. our house looked like a mansion when we finally removed the entire thing. one evening when my parents were away, i had my good friend dan over to play. i dont remember our age, we were young, but old enough to be home alone. my guess would be 11 or 12 years old. we commenced in playing something in the backyard, probably either frisbee or soccer, but i never owned any quality frisbees, so it was probably soccer. i kicked the ball, missed the goal, and it went over our fence into erma's yard. dan ran to retrieve it. he hopped the fence, threw the ball over, and as he came back over the fence he slipped on a piece of wet moss and got a huge gaping gash on his shin from a rusty nail that was sticking out. i was scared to death. my parents werent home and neither were his, and this was long before the age of cell phones. i brought him into the house and sat him on the bathroom counter and gave him a wet washcloth to keep the blood from dripping everywhere. the first person we though to call was a friend of ours - a woman, that is - named holly. i called and told her the situation. she said, "im probably not the best person to call." dan and i then remembered she is the one that faints by hearing the word "blood." i dont remember what happened after that, although i think i can remember sitting in the emergency room with him. he got a notable number of stiches. i can also remember being commended on taking such good care of him. i wonder if he ever looks at the scar and thinks of me and laughs. i guess i just wonder if he ever thinks of me, period. i want to be a kid again. i miss you dan. sorry you had to jump our rotten fence. good thing it's gone now.

while mowing the lawn really is miserable, there is nothing quite like the sight of a freshly mowed lawn. although i still havent decided yet if its worth the work or not.

it's one of those days where you just feel like the biggest idiot in the world and everyone around is looking at you shaking their head in amazement and disgust at how stupid you are and how slowly you learn. oh well, it'll pass.

i think i am going to start trying to write some songs. well, really they'll just be lyrics intended for songs that will never be used. ive really been inspired as of late by death cab for cutie as far as lyrics and songwriting goes, and appleseed cast as far as music goes. ive just never really had a knack for songwriting. i think i can have a way with words when i try, but putting it into a song is easier said than done. i'll let you know how it goes.

so often i am driving down the highway, my attention so diverted by the traffic and directions and general distractions of the trip. finally i take the time to look to my right to see my passenger only to see the seat filled with junk instead. i look in the rear-view mirror to see him in the back seat, wondering when and how he got there. and i want him so badly back next to me in the front seat so we can talk and take this trip together. he could be my navigator and tell me where to turn and what to watch out for. and when the trip gets slower we can discuss other things on my mind and enjoy the drive. but it seems as though there are so few places to pull over and take the time to stop the car and empty out the front seat again and let him back in. and nobody likes a backseat driver. and nobody likes to be one either.

i remembered that i havent changed my band of the ___________ link in a while. it has been changed. i must give the props to saxon shore. no one wants to like them, including myself at times, but they are just too dang good to deny. rock and rollllllll.

story setup:
as you know it took me a long time to mow greens yesterday. as you also know, my brother helped me. the last thing you need to know for the story is that the 4 greens i mow are called the "large greens."

our boss enters the lunchroom precisely at 5:30, gives the usual spiel about the weather, and goes on to give morning assignments. "mowing greens," he says while everyone simultaneously looks at me and i roll my eyes and shake my head in disgust. "billy - 1, andy - 2, collin - large..." at this i give collin and the other guys a look of amazement. he stops in the middle of giving jobs and looks at me and says (in front of everyone, mind you), "i wasnt aware that your brother helped you out on number 10 yesterday." i nodded. "if he wouldnt have helped you, you wouldve brok...well...you broke the longest time record anyway...but...you probably wouldve come in at...oh....3 hours 45 minutes." to that i replied, "oh, it probably woudlve taken me a whole lot longer than that, john."

what a doosey of a couple days.
yesterday i raked sand and grass for 8 hours straight at work in 95 degree weather. i was going to go trim bushes at o'reilly's later once it cooled down a little bit, but decided not to. i went straight over and trimmed bushes for 4 hours. so, i worked in the hot sun for 12 hours straight. to make a long story short, i got heat exhaustion. i laid down for an hour nap, but was woken up by erica at 10:00. i was out of it and really sick to my stomach. i went back to bed at 11....i ended up getting 10 hours of very heavy sleep, which was quite nice.
today i had to walk mow greens, which i hate doing. it takes the other guys about 2 and a half hours to mow 4 greens. it took me 3 hours and fifteen minutes to only mow 3 - my loving brother saw how slow i was going and mowed one of mine for me. during all of this, i felt like passing out. but anyway, i finally finished mowing greens, took a break, drank a lot of water and ate some pretzels. i was really really sick to my stomach. i was following another guy driving out on a mower when all of a sudden it hit...i started puking off the side of the tractor while driving. it wasnt pleasant...but pretty hardcore. i felt a little bit better after that.
work sucks.
in old news....the saxon shore show was a pleasure. about 30 people showed up, gave them about 46 dollars, and i got a free t-shirt, and the music was amazing. they ended up not staying at my house but got a hotel instead. but, yeah, it was a lot of fun.
thats really all i have to say i guess. stay out of the heat. im out.

the summer is flying by. it is almost june 20th. dang. i am so tired all the time. and stressed and tense. theres just a nagging feeling im dealing with, and i just cant sit still and be calm. it sucks. lets start this summer over. without the geography independent study and without the poor economy that wont let me get a job at fellowship manor.
well, as you read in my last post, saxon shore cancelled their philly show, but now they're playing a show here in cooopersburg at my church. i kinda set that up for them. it's kinda stressful, but it should be a fun time. im really looking forward to it. hopefully people will come.
it's 9:50, im going to bed, my life sucks.

i guess i havent posted anything interesting on this thing lately. my apologies. i guess i just havent had many profound thoughts as of late. i went to harrisburg to visit jamin and see morella's forest and 7 head division. the show was canceled when we got there which really sucked but it was nice to see jamin. i dont know why im posting this when jamin's the only one that reads this thing and he already knows this. hi jamin. speaking of canceled shows, saxon shore has been cancelled too, which also sucks, but, i guess it solves the problem of me being lazy and not going to shows, etc. now we just need the further seems forever show to be cancelled, and purple door, and a few others, and i'll be set. especially cuz i have no money for gas and, more importantly, cd's.
the golf course is going strong but it is mostly a pretty crappy job, but it's making me some money which is important. it's really nice being done at 1:30 but man am i ever tired for the rest of the night. it's really frustrating.
now that im typing i feel like i have stuff to say but i dont think i do.
my prayers for myself that were prayed last night (this will tell you more about me and my life than the rest of this nonsense):
to not be so tired and to have strength and do well and work hard at the golf course. (as far as working hard goes...the other christian guy that works there is just really pleasant to work with and is a good, hard worker and its just a really good witness. i mean, i know its not converting any of the guys, but it does a lot more for christians' reputations than if he was a crappy worker. i admire that.)
to enjoy reading and do it more often. (i like to read when i do it, but most of the time i just cant force myself to pick up the book. i have a reading list of like 5 or 6 books that i'd really like to finish this summer. im halfway through the first...a book i started while we were still in school. it's a silly little request, but something i want so bad.)
to be better friends with god and be a better listener which includes maybe cracking my bible every once in a while. (pretty self explanatory)
to be disciplined in doing my geography work and do it more often. (im lazy and unmotivated. what can i say. i hate it.)
to love and treat erica better. (also self explanatory. but man...i guess just loving people in general is a pretty challenging task. i mean, erica makes it pretty easy, but, we're all selfish people, you know? the way i see it, there's always room for improvement.)
im out.

started at the golf course today. not bad all in all. waking up was doable. as we were waiting for everyone to arrive and the boss to give instructions, my brother pointed to the unattended lunch box at the corner of the table. "that's [iforgethisname]. he says the f-word an average of 30 times a minute. thats a low average." a few minutes later a man walked in the room and says "where the f*** is that f***er?" i assumed that was the man. andy was right, it was a low average.
mowing greens is hard. weedwacking gets old fast.
i have always said that if i were to murder someone, it would be with a weedwacker. but today i accidently killed 2 huge bullfrogs and nipped another...2 others were fortunate enough to hear the thing coming and jumped out of the way scaring me half to death. but, after slicing those 2 open and seeing them float to the top of the pond...ive determined that if i were heartless enough to kill someone, i wouldnt be THAT heartless to kill them with a weedwacker. this is a big revelation for me, i hope you realize that. but dont worry, i wont be killing anyone anytime soon.
after lying in bed last night with my window open, a fan blowing on me, in my boxers, with no covers, and still sweating, my mother has decided to finally turn on the air conditioning. it's a happy day.
my gas tank is empty and so is my wallet. its a terrible feeling. im not sure how im gonna make it to jamin's house and back on saturday, let alone pay for the show. but i will see you jamin. you can be sure of that.
im out.

job begins thursday. please pray for the rapture to occur asap. thanks.

some new wisdom on the election/predestination topic obtained in sunday school...
all humankind deserves to go to hell. therefore, we should not be asking why god sends people to hell, we should be asking why god sends people to heaven. a humbling thought.

the room is finally being moved into and it is oh so wonderful.
i am cleaning out my closet (cue eminem song) which is more like throwing away my closet, but you get the idea. i found a little book i put together as a child. im not sure how old i was, but i knew how to write cursive and spell correctly, so it was probably 4th or 5th grade. it's entitled "the lonely apple tree" and goes something like this (with extensive illustrations):

Once there was a lonely apple tree.
He was so lonely.
Even the birds and the butterflys did not like him. (note: this illustration includes a bird and a butterfly flying away shouting "stupid tree!")
Then came along johnny appleseed.
He was spreading out seeds.
And all the little apple trees grew and grew. (note: just when you thought this was a happy pleasant story by a sweet innocent child...)
Then came along an evil lumberjack.
And he chopped down all the baby apple trees.
The apple tree was so sad.
He was lonely again.
and he lived unhappily ever after.

i guess my sick sense of humor started at an early age.

gotta love it when the hardware store gives you the wrong paint the first time, so you go back to get the right paint, and they give you the SAME EXACT WRONG paint again, keeping you from finishing the painting in your room on a friday night when you want to, keeping you from finally moving into your room after being home for 2 weeks and still not being organized. thanks madles, i appreciate your service.
in related, happier news, i got a bookshelf at ikea.

erica and i finished the telephone book route yesterday, but we were about 15 books short. we were afraid we'd have to travel all the way to bethlehem again, and they'd make us take another delivery out or not pay us. luckily we put our foot down this morning and they listened and we got our whopping check for 47.83 and they have 15 telephone books to deliver in the middle of nowhere. suckers.
i guess im going to trim the bushes of doom now since it's like the only nice day of the year.
perhaps some stripe painting will ensue later today.
perhaps some ikea shopping as well.
curtains have been picked and they are quite nice. painting and decapodging of my old desk as also begun.
it's always a party at 969 butternut.

last night erica and i went to king koffee expecting a nice atmosphere to read and do geography in. but it was open mike night and the place was packed. there were numerous talentless acts. the most interesting was a jembe, didgeridoo, jaw harp combination. the most enjoyable was a mellow-cheese version of kiss' "i want to rock and roll all night" that was very effective, but the kid also played dave matthews immediately following which completely destroyed his credibility. so that was last night.
today holds much excitement. looking for carpet at ollies, painting and decorating desks and shelves for my room, watching a movie for geography again because i fell asleep the first time, doing more geography, delivering more phone books, and who knows what else! HOORAY!

i woke up kinda cranky today. i just woke up, that is. i dont know why. i think it's partly because of the 15 million things i feel like i have to do that im just sick of. it's partly because im more/less committed to the golf course now and im sure NOW i'll get tons of great job offers. and partly because my arms feel like they've been run over by a mack truck because of trimming some hedges 3 days ago...hedges of which i still have 10 miles of to trim.
here's to a better day....

lets see here...
so, yeah, erica and i decided to be telephone book deliverers. we went to the shady place to apply yesterday. it's this huge abandoned warehouse with about 4 folding tables set up, and then stacks of palates of telephone books in the adjacent room. we sat down and were supposed to apply and watch a video. before we knew it, we were told we had seen the video, our papers were snatched from us, they said "here's where you're delivering and you'll get paid 47 dollars", and over 200 telephone books were being loaded in the trunk and backseat of my car. wow. unfortunately, they couldnt all fit, so we have to go all the way back to bethlehem and get the second load and deliver the rest. erica and i went at 7:30 this morning to deliver what we had. i think it's pretty safe to say we were assigned THE WORST ROUTE EVER. its in the middle of nowhere, rural roads, we're talking some dirt and gravel, spaced out houses with long driveways. to make a long story short, we're gonne be making about 4 dollars an hour, with gas money deducted, probably 2 dollars an hour. so thats my story.
other than that ive been painting all day. its pretty exciting. i went with nantucket blue (a medium shade of grey-blue) for 3 walls and lombardi blue (a darker shade) for the 4th wall. i know, the "accent wall" idea sounds absolutely terrible...i had my hesitations...but im quite pleased. im working on a second coat and some touch up and i'll be done. i just cant wait to move into my room.
i gave in. my brother's telling his boss tomorrow that i will work at the golf course. oh dear mercy.
goodbye.

well, im about to bite the bullet and take the golf course job and give up all of my night life for the rest of the summer. the awning place filled the position, blockbuster starts at 5.50 and hour, blah blah blah. erica and i are gonna deliver phone books in our spare time for some extra dough.
i hate my life.

somewhere along the line my car decided to start getting gas mileage comparable to a fully loaded suburban doing everything but highway driving. thanks, car. i cant exactly afford that this summer.
speaking of affording...still no job...im trying to get a crappy manual labor job at some awning place tomorrow. here's hoping. pray if you'd like. i'd appreciate it.
ok bye.