here is that pictoral review of 2005 i mentioned a little while back.

an unexpected roommate in january...

an epic ice storm later that month...

a celebration (followed by film production) in february...

a graduation ceremony in may...

a new home a week and a half later in june...

a wedding a few days after...

a trip to mexico (and this nightmare of a boat tour) after that...

a listening party in late july...

a companion lost in august...

a halloween party in october...

a sleepover at aunt erica's and uncle nate's in november...

a first christmas in december...

I was just working on one of the best posts ever when Safari did that thing it's been doing lately where it randomly quits without warning. To make things worse, the recover post button didn't work this time. So now, the brilliant post will be replaced with a much less exciting one.

I'm at the library using their wireless connection. I was telling you in detail about the table next to mine, but now it won't be in so much detail. There is a dad helping his three blonde-haired-blue-eyed kids with their homework. Two of them appear to be really quite studious, but the other has been throwing tantrums. They are finally having some success, though, in fact, the dad just celebrated by putting his arms in the air and library-yelling "Fantastic!!" The studious boy with glasses whispered, "Daddy....daddy.....I think you need to be quiet in the library."

A rather loud girl who was absent on Friday was back yesterday. “Welcome back!” I said enthusiastically. “Aww, you missed me?” she asked. “Of course I did. When you’re absent, it feels like 5 people are absent.” “Gee, thanks, I feel special.” A few moments later, the smart girl who sits in the back quietly said to me, “Mister, I don’t think that was supposed to be a compliment” I said, “Shhhhh...we won’t tell her.” We smiled at each other with the type of smile that comes when two people know something that no one else caught on to, and class continued.

My white dress shirt has neon yellow spots in the armpits. The kids finally noticed them yesterday. They spent the whole class snickering, and I felt incredibly self-conscious. When the fifth kid yelled, “Mister! You have yellow stuff in your armpits!” I decided I needed to proudly own up to it. “I know I do.” “Well what is it? Armpit juice?!?” “You would think thats what it is, but it's actually not. You wanna know what it is? I’ll tell you. My wife and I were going to a friend’s wedding, and I was running a little low on deodorant.” (Whenever you tell stories like this, the classroom gets more silent than you would have ever thought possible.) “So, to be on the safe side, for some extra coverage, I decided it would be a good idea to spray some of my cologne in my armpits. Well, it stained my shirt, and there you have it. It wasn’t such a good idea after all.” They laughed at me. Actually, they laughed with me.

I gave a math test today. There was a problem dealing with the gas mileage of my Accord and my wife's Corolla. (The first funny thing is that most of the kids read the problem and thought my wife's name was Corolla.) One boy completed the problem and then wrote next to his work, "Question: Do you really have an Accord?" I wrote "Yes," but not wanting to mislead him into thinking I am cool, I continued, "but it's a 1986 Accord."

This is the point I was waiting to reach, the point where I can see some humor in my day. The first four months were miserable, so miserable that I couldn’t even find the stories to tell. I was too overwhelmed with it all to find the beauty in the small things. There was no joy. In my first few months I remember being bothered that I could never smile at school. But, as you can see by the amount of stories I've been sharing, things are improving. In fact, the past two weeks were -- on the whole -- good ones. Two in a row! That's never happened! AND yesterday and today were both decent as well, so we're going on three in a row! Unbelieveable! AAAND, yesterday, there were moments where I said to myself, "I like teaching," and even "I like teaching HERE." WHAAAAT?!? This is groundbreaking!

The dad who is helping his daughter with math homework said, "Ok, let's do a problem of our own...think of a crazy number...umm...uhh...fooortyyyy......four....yeah, forty-four!" Real crazy, dad.

I would like to apologize for the grammatical errors in my posts lately. I guess I'm always rushed whenever I get the chance to post. Sorry, also, for the length. Nobody likes long blog posts, but I've got a lot to say and not many chances to say it. Despite all this, I'm hoping these lengthy-mistake-ridden-posts will serve as a good starting point for my memoirs.

So we have a Netflix account. It's a terrible idea, mostly due to the fact that I'm a narcoleptic, and it's getting worse than ever. Granted, I didn't mind falling asleep during Erica's choice: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (which, incidentally, Jared Cheek saw in the THEATER, so I don't feel like so much of a dork after all). But last night we sat down to watch the long-awaited Grizzly Man. I was so exciting, and I was loving the first half hour, but I just could NOT make it. So now I have to watch it tonight, which throws off our whole viewing schedule, as I was hoping to get certain movies for the weekend. (Yes, Andy, I do realize this wouldn't be such a problem if I would have just come over and watched it with you the other week.) I'm 22 years old. Should I really need 8+ hours of sleep every single night in order to be coherent and awake at other times of the day?

Allow me to delve into some spiritual thoughts now.

Romans 12:1,2 says Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

These are exciting verses for us humans, because after 11 chapters of theology, we finally get to the application, that tangible stuff we've been craving. Now we know what we need to DO to be good Christians. Now we can add some things to our checklist, now we can see how we measure up. But Paul knows we've just been giving grace lip service and we've been just waiting and waiting to switch back to our legalistic works mentality. So when he starts to give us things to DO, he places a nice little prepositional phrase in there that is so easy to overlook, but so important. Remembering the previous 11 chapters, Paul tells us to do these things --in view of God's mercy--. I think this means two things. First of all, God's mercy should be our motivation and inspiration to do these things. It's not because we have to; it's not a burden we're forced to take on, because just as John says in his first epistle: "His commands are not burdensome." In view of God's mercy, offering our bodies becomes a joy and a delight. Second of all, once we start doing these tangible things, we must constantly come back to God's mercy, keeping it in view. I think of it as a cycle: Because of our gratitude for God's mercy, we offer our bodies as living sacrifices. But because we're human, we'll screw it up. This brings us back to God's mercy, which inspires us to offer our bodies as living sacrifices again. And on and on we go. I like this thought; but often we're so anxious to know what we need to DO to be a good Christian, that we jump to the command and forget the preceeding prepositional phrase.

Later in chapter 12, Paul tells us to "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." The topic of mourning has been a soapbox of mine lately, so this jumped out at me the other night. Paul tells us the "mourn with those who mourn" rather than "comfort those who mourn." This is an important distinction, I think, although when we mourn with those who mourn, I think we really are comforting those who mourn, probably in the most effective way possible. But before I preach about mourning with those who mourn, I must admit it is just as difficult if not moreso to rejoice with those who rejoice. We're often so self-absorbed that we can't take the time to get excited with others. That's a tragic thing. When we are truly loving others, it will be a natural thing to get excited when they're excited.

That's all for now, but one last thing:

If you want a CD, it would help me out financially to send me a padded envelope with 2 dollars or so. Then I'll send the CD back to you. But, I'm an idealist who believes in free music, so if you don't want to do that, I'll spend the money on envelopes and postage.

Thank you for reading. It truly is an honor to have you interested in my life.

another story i forgot: in the middle of my lesson, i saw a girl finishing up a note. the girl that was going to be receiving the note passed her calculator to the girl that was writing the note. the girl that was writing the note looked at it with a confused look, then looked back the girl and mouthed, "what is this for?" i took over from there. i stopped mid-sentence and said, "look, you're supposed to put the note inside of the calculator so that way it looks like you're passing a calculator instead of a note and then you won't get in trouble! come on! get with it!"

everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me with amazement, a stunned look that said "he's on to us!" one girl, breaking the silence, asked, "how did you know?"

"i was in middle school once. i know all the tricks." with that, i marched back and proudly took the note from the clueless girl who still had the calculator in her hand.

ps, i finally caved and signed up for netflix. if you have an account, i would like to be your netflix-friend in order to make myself feel more popular. so please let me know.

it was another reasonably good week. it was off to a shaky start despite having a delay monday morning. when i say shaky, i mean i was on the verge of nervous breakdowns monday and tuesday morning for no apparent reason. some mornings i just wake up really nervous and apprehensive and i cry as i walk out the door. but it got better, and while this first-full-week-for-me-since-mid-december-and-even-then-not-quite-full-because-of-the-2-hour-delay seemed longer than long (i kept thinking tuesday was wednesday, wednesday was thursday, and so on) all in all i felt i got some teaching accomplished and the kids were mostly tolerable.

that's not to say there weren't some bumps. in fact, yesterday i wrote 6 office referrals and 2 guidance referrals. the 6 office referrals put me at the 100-mark for the year. and we're one week past the semester mark, so i may be able to reach 200 referrals in one year, which by the sound of people's reactions, may very well be a record.

i never wrote last week's story on here. one girl entered the room singing some hip-hop song, "i'm gonna spray 'em when i see 'em, blat! blat! blat!" she was using her fingers as guns and was pointing them at me as well as at some of the more nerdy kids in the classroom. later, when she refused to turn off her music video websites she declared, "you ruin the whole party, son! get out of my grill!" i wrote all this up, and she was suspended for 3 days. during her suspension, the rest of the class told me what she said she was going to do to me when she got back. and they told me they couldn't even say half the stuff she was gonna do to me because it was so bad and they were in school. (they had never been that concerned about what they said in school before....?) she returned from her suspension and marched into the room yelling something or other, and her classmates started cheering her on. i asked her to go back into the hallway and reenter the room in a more appropriate manner. surprisingly, she complied, and things died down from there. there's more i could tell about it all, but it's not necessary.

but word about this referral got out to the other teachers real fast. that week i would walk into the faculty room and everyone would start shooting me yelling, "blat! blat! blat!"

a lot of these kids choose to use pen in class. then, when they mess up on their worksheets, they get all upset and expect me to supply them with a brand new worksheet for them to start over. "no, just cross it out and rewrite it!" i say, but they insist on getting a new one. just use a pencil for goodness sake! it's really quite ridiculous and annoying. well yesterday, this happened to a girl and she asked me for a new paper. i said what i usually say, and then followed it up with an additional thought, "you're wasting trees!" i was mostly joking. she responded by saying, "i don't care about trees! i care about me!" (up to this point, no one had so eloquently stated the underlying problem of their attitude and behavior.) this kind of fired me up. i repeated her words: "i don't care about trees, i care about me. this is what's wrong with america today." she rolled her eyes and mumbled to her friends and i didnt give her a new worksheet and we went on with class.

but this was the same girl who, at the start of the afternoon class, as there were 2 boys standing up about to fight, 3 kids asking to go to the bathroom, 2 kids wanting to go to their locker, and 1 boy who i was sending to another classroom to get some calculators, insisted on having me write her a pass to go to the nurse because her pinky was "turning completely purple." (her finger looked normal, she was just holding it out and keeping it stiff.) i told her to wait. i was focused on trying to break up this escalating argument that was about to turn into a fight. she kept interrupting in a loud and whiney voice, "MISTER! just let me goooooo!" she was holding her finger up like it was falling off or something. "Hold on, please..." "MIIIIISTER!!!!" she kept going and i finally blew. i gave up on the guys who were about to fight (thats a whole different story) and gave her a piece of my mind. "look. the world doesn't revolve around you! i know you only care about yourself, but your finger will be fine! there are 20 other kids in this room! look around for a second! i kind of have a few other things to think about and deal with right now! when i get all of this worked out, i'll send you to the nurse! but you're going to have to wait!" i don't remember everything i said. it was probably even more harsh than that.

i finally got the chance to write her a stupid pass. the poor baby came back with a stupid ice pack for her "purple pinky" which made everything oh-so-better. kids need to go to the nurse for the stupidest reasons. ("mister, my back hurts, can i go to the nurse?" "no, the nurse is not a chiropractor, there's nothing she can do." "she could give me an ice pack." "an ice pack won't help your back. if you need a back rub, i'll give you one." "ew, no, nevermind.") they go and get ice packs and then they don't even use them. they just suck on the ice, throw it across the room, or let it melt on their desk so that then they have to go to the bathroom to get paper towels to clean it up.

it's all really enough to drive you insane.

Thursday was the official halfway point. I’m on the downward side of things. The day came and went without much excitement. But the thought of it is a relief. We did celebrate by going to the local hippie hangout to hear Kyle’s jazz band play. The place is extremely poorly decorated and rather unimpressive. For some reason they charged us four dollars apiece to get in! Erica and I only had 7 dollars on us (you would think we were still poor college kids or something!) and we told the guy that and gave him puppy dog looks. He gave us a look that communicated it wasn’t going to fly (come on man! one measley dollar! you’re already overcharging us and then strippring us of all we have!) so John stepped in and loaned us an extra one. There was a funny man in the audience who was really into it, and between every song he yelled to Kyle and the boys, "Play the song, man! Yeah! All night long, play that song!" He shook his head with enthusiasm as he said it. During one song, as he was getting really into it, the saxophone player's girlfriend heard him say, "Oh man, I just pissed myself!" You probably had to be there.

But anyway, with the end of the second quarter came another round of grades. I gave out 4 A’s and 12 F’s. Draw your own conclusions. Sorry Mr. Bush, some of my children are being left behind. But don’t worry, by 2014, they’ll all be passing.

Yesterday’s newspaper had the second police report in two weeks involving our school. A sixth grader brought a pellet gun to school. He won’t be back for a while. They showed him the video of the kid in Florida who got gunned down by the sheriff for having a pellet gun they thought was real, and I think that taught him a lesson. The report said he told authorities he had recently bought the gun with his own money and he was bringing it to school to throw it away. Good try, kid.

I overheard a girl yelling at a boy. First she called him and ugly freak, and then she added, “You’re ignorant.” I was pleased, actually, because I felt it was a much more eloquent put-down than what I normally hear.

My homeroom kids earned donuts, so I brought them to school this morning. I gave them out and went on with class. Not one of them thanked me. I got to the point where I was going to give a kazillion bonus points to any one of them who said thank you. But not one. As they walked out, I had the urge to yell, “YOU’RE WELCOME FOR THE DONUTS!” but I held back. For some reason I thought about that some more, and I decided I’m very glad Christ didn’t yell “YOU’RE WELCOME FOR THIS!” instead of “Forgive them...” That struck me.

In the middle of class the other day, one boy was singing “I feel pretty” from West Side Story. Today he was singing “When I think about you I touch myself” by Madonna. If you saw the kid, it would be all the more hilarious. I giggled at him.

The boy who got in a fight in my class last week got in another one today. Apparently he didn’t get rocked this time. If he fights again, he’ll be expelled. This happened right before I had his class 7th period, and they were completely nuts. It was hopeless. Absolutely completely hopeless.

I was sitting in a guidance counselor’s office by myself, waiting for a meeting. The voice of someone teaching on the fourth floor was echoing off the building next to ours and into the open window where I was sitting. It was beautiful. It made me feel like something was being accomplished. It was a good feeling.

All this to say that the good Lord has been with me today, putting me in good spirits, where even though not a single thing was able to be taught in my 7th period class (and 4th period, for that matter), I was still able to have a smile on my face and a sense of joy in my heart. It’s Friday, which no doubt helps, and it's 60 degrees outside (is this really January?) which doesn't hurt either, but I still consider it something of a small miracle. And it’s a good thing too, because after New Years, my sick day, and MLK day, next week will be my first 5-day week since mid-December.

I got really excited when I found out Sigur Ros was playing in Atlantic City on a Friday night. I’ve been telling Erica for months that seeing them would be a dream come true, but I wasn’t expecting them to be on a US tour for another few months. When I went to buy tickets, though, I discovered it’s a venue with only 1,000 seats and it was sold out a while ago. I was crushed. Low is coming to Philadelphia, too, but it’s a weeknight, which I am always rather hesitant about doing. (I’m such a boring adult, living for the weekends.) But there’s good news in all of this too, Ester Drang and Mates of State both of shows in Philly coming up on Friday nights. Oh, and Mewithoutyou and Saxon Shore will be playing together on an upcoming Saturday. So it’s not all bad, I guess, but ooohhh to be able to see Sigur Ros, that will be the day.

My thoughts on homeschooling? A risky question. While I have plenty of opinions about homeschooling, I don’t think many of them can be called thoughts, as few of them are thought out or well-supported. Sometimes I think it’s a poor decision for reasons of developing adequate social skills. In a related sense, sometimes I think it’s a poor decision for Christians, because we’re already pretty pathetic at knowing how to interact with our world, even those of us who went to public school. However, I think my stories after just five months of teaching are enough evidence to make a decent argument for homeschooling, at least one that I couldn’t personally refute. And I also know that there were few people in my education classes (at a well-rated Christian university, mind you) to whom I would want to send my children. So, while you’ll hear me make fun of homeschoolers fairly often (I’m sorry, I’m a terrible person), I can admit that it’s probably a lot better of an idea than what I typically let on.

at the beginning of the week, a girl brought some peppermint schnapps to school in her sporty water bottle. her first period teacher caught on and confiscated it. there was a police report about it in yesterday's newspaper.

on thursday afternoon, there was a fight in my 7th period class. one boy, who has been in two fights previously this year, was arguing and threatening another kid in the class. another boy in the back of the room interrupted and said, "why are you always fighting people if you're always getting rocked?" (it was a valid question.) this started a new argument, and before i knew it the boy with the valid question was marching up to the front of the room to prove to the boy who always gets rocked that he would get rocked once again. and he did. they rolled all around the room and into the teacher's desk, overturning several desks on the way and knocking over a stack of books. a ripped shirt and a few bruises later, they were both suspended for 3 days. the boy with the valid question is the one who, last time he was suspended, chose not to return to school for over 4 weeks. the boy who always gets rocked will be dealing with his probation officer some more.

on friday i gave a quiz. one question was "write the ratio of such and such..." a boy (one who desparately needs to be in special ed but isn't for some reason) called me over, i was assuming to ask about the ratio part of things. but when i arrived at his desk he said,

"mister. what exactly do you mean by write?"

i was dumbfounded. speechless. i did my best by saying, "um, like, with your pencil? write the answer?" he gave me a confused look and went back to his quiz.

in other news, i think my dad continues to be my biggest blogger fan. this man continues to call more random people into his office to show them my blog. i've been told he references it in his counseling sessions. he hands out the address. it's all really quite embarrassing. it is only a matter of time before he starts using it in his sermon illustrations. he is proud.

that being said, i hear jen hughes will be a new reader soon. hello, jen. thanks for checking in.

I have some terrible terrible awful news. After a one-week high-on-life, I returned to school today to find that Blogger had been blocked again. It was a nightmare. A complete nightmare.

So now I am at the library using their wireless connection, but my battery is about to die and on the last post I typed Safari quit about 7 times in the middle of the post and the Recover Post link didn't work. It just happened again.

So, below are some posts I was planning on spreading out over the course of the week, but since I won't get the opportunity, I am posting them all right now. Perhaps you would like to break it up and read one each day. It can be like a daily devotional or something.

What keeps everyone quiet in a Library? What keeps people from talking out loud? Or even shouting? What keeps them from jumping on top of the table and dancing? Am I the only one that regularly gets the urge to do this?

Have a peaceful evening. Sorry for those of you who got their hopes up with my regular blogging. I am more depressed than you are. It sounds silly, but I need it. It keeps me mentally healthy.

I am working on posting a pictoral review of 2005, and I was going to do it right now, but I seem to have misplaced my thumbdrivethinger with all the pictures on it. So, it will be forthcoming. I have been meaning to talk about my Christmas and New Years, but as time passes, it's really not worth mentioning anymore. On New Years Eve, I decided that 2005 had been both the best year of my life and the worst year of my life. Erica offered some reassuring words, "Then this year can't get any better or worse." I liked that.

I will say that I spent some of the break on the second attempt of recording the Combovers' new hit album. Things were much more successful this time around. Kyle and I were very pleased. We'll record drums and percussion and the rest of the instruments within the next few weeks. I'll keep you updated, as you're sure to want a copy when this is finished.

On Saturday night I got about 2 hours of sleep for some unknown reason other than being sick. Around 2:30AM I threw up violently for the first time, first the rainbow sherbert, then the coke and mom's pizza, then the chili that was eaten for lunch. It was ugly. I put on Freaks and Geeks and got through one and a half episodes before getting some sleep. I threw up 2 more times after that and slept the rest of the day. This resulted in my first sick day yesterday, which was worth it. Today I still felt pretty crappy, or at least pretty worn out. Returning to work after missing out on a day, climbing back in the saddle, is difficult no matter how you're feeling.

I've been wanting to tell a story on here for some time, and this is kind of an awkward place to tell it, but I'm going to get it done anyway. I'm going to skip a lot of the details, which will probably detract from the story, but it's probably for the best. There's this kid at school who is a complete mess. Totally unstable, a pathological liar, no respect, no responsibility, and no self-awareness. Wayyy out of control. And unfortunately, he gets away with a lot of stuff, mostly because I think his teachers think it's easier to deal with him if they ignore him and let him do his own thing. What's worse is his parents are completely oblivious. He feeds them all sorts of major lies and they blindly accept every one without question. He is their little angel who can do no wrong, and if he does, it must be the teacher's fault. They are beyond difficult to work with. Well one day, I happened to be in the principal's office for a meeting when he had to deal with a problem this kid caused. When he returned to his office we briefly talked about him, and I mentioned the nightmare of a conference I had recently had with him parents. He said one thing to me, and it caused me to gain a great deal of respect for him as it was incredibly on-target and extremely insightful. He simply said, "Well, Nate. I think his parents are slowly realizing that their son is going to cause them a lot of heartache in their lifetime. They just aren't ready to admit or accept that yet."

It was such a simple statement but the more I thought about it the more I realized. It made me both respect and dread parenting. And, as any interaction with parents and their children in the school setting can do, it made me see the boy in a whole new (heartbreaking) light.

And that's my story.

The 2005 movies I saw in 2005:
Capote, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Crash, Elizabethtown, Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, In Her Shoes, Junebug, Mad Hot Ballroom, Me and You and Everyone We Know, Millions, Mysterious Skin, Nobody Knows, The Family Stone, The Squid and the Whale

The 2005 movies I wanted to see in 2005, some more desperately than others, but couldn’t because of laziness and/or a new job and/or other circumstances of life including, in some cases, a movie’s lack of accessibility or a late-in-the-year-release date:
5x2, Broken Flowers, Everything is Illuminated, Good Night, and Good Luck, Grizzly Man, Green Street Hooligans, Jarhead, March of the Pengins, Match Point, Murderball, Narnia, Shopgirl, Syriana, The Chumscrubber, The Constant Gardener, Thumbsucker, The Corpse Bride, The Weatherman, Turtles Can Fly, Walk the Line

The 2005 movies I could care less about, but acknowledge I should probably give a chance to due to everyone’s raving:
Batman Begins, King Kong, Wedding Crashers

The 2005 movies I dozed during, but saw enough of to validate a full viewing, which admittedly may skew my opionion of the movie:
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Elizabethtown
(Let’s be honest, it was probably more than just these two.)

The 2005 movies I pretty much slept through completely:
Fever Pitch

The 2005 movies I tried not to watch but had little choice when my 3 nieces were sleeping over and my wife is an ice skater:
Ice Princess

If I were doing a traditional top 10 list, and I saw each of the movies I listed above, it would be my top 10 out of 38 movies. If I set this proportional to the 14 movies I actually saw, I should really only be doing a “Top 3.6 list” in order to keep things fair. But we all like even numbers, so I’ll be generous and round it up to a “Top Five” list. No but seriously, we can all agree that doing a top 10 out of 14 would be a little ridiculous.

My top 5 of 2005:

5. Me and You and Everyone We Know - I didn’t much like it when I saw it, but as most indie films do, it grew on me more and more with extra throught. It was had a fresh, unique, original, artistic feel all the way around, from the screenplay to the acting to the cinematography. It was refreshing in that way. The burning hand incident was hilarious. And the goldfish incident? So original and hilariously intense, one of the best moments I saw on film all year by far. Also, I think it did a better job of intertwining characters than Crash did; it felt a bit more natural, or maybe the film was off-center enough that it didn’t feel out of place. Yeah, so I guess I liked this one after all.

4. Junebug - It seems like there is at least one film every year that is solid, but not necessarily anything outstanding or original, and it deals with a bunch of characters who can’t seem to deal with their problems but they’re doing their best to interact with each other or at least co-exist without any major problems. Junebug is 2005’s. It has very rich character development, stuff that could be discussed and dissected for hours on end. I think that’s pretty much the only thing it had going for it, and I’m ok with that. I liked it. Plenty of hilarious moments and plenty of heartbreaking moments. That’s what I like.

3. The Squid and the Whale - Speaking of hilarous and heartbreaking moments, I liked the Squid and the Whale, too. Definitely a solid film all the way around: script, acting, cinematography, everything. This also had a rich set of characters, each with their perplexing idiosyncrasies that one could sit around and dissect for quite a while. Any movie with a theme about trying to be someone who you’re not gets my approval (which was also present in Junebug), especially when it’s presented with some heavy dry humor.

2. Millions - At first, I had this and Junebug switched on the list but decided this had a little more of a unique flare to it which earned a higher spot. Who can’t love a film about imagination and a childlike spirit that simultaneously makes you feel guilty about being so materialistic, all captured through the brilliant beautifully breathtaking eyes of Mr. Danny Boyle. It’s hard to believe this film came from the same man that made 28 Days Later, and I have yet to see Trainspotting, but if it’s anywhere near as good as Millions and 28 Days, I think I might very well proclaim him my favorite director. Or at least tied with Wes Anderson. But yes, Millions pretty much just about had it all. It made you laugh, it made you cry, it made you scared, it made you think, and on and on we could go. Its anti-adulthood theme was timely.

1. Nobody Knows - I would venture to say that seeing this film was one of my favorite memories of my first year of marriage, and my first year of marriage isn’t even over yet. Jamin and I saw the trailer for this before Hotel Rwanda and I instantly fell in love. It turned out it only played in Indy for one week and I didn’t find out until the last night it was playing. I thought I would have to wait for the DVD, but several months later, this summer, I found out by chance that it was playing at this hole-in-the-wall theater in Kutztown. We drove the 45 minutes and joined the 5 or 6 other gray-haired people in this new-to-us theater ($5 a ticket), and I spent the next 2-and-a-half hour wide-eyed in amazement. The movie is absolutely beautiful. Every shot is a masterpiece. The children are unbelieveable. The movie is both heartwrenching and heartwarming. And, I don’t know how to explain it, but the minimal dialogue makes you get into the movie all the more, and at some points you’re outraged, talking to the characters inside your head (or maybe even sometimes out loud, too), which causes you to think some things through all the more. It was amazing. Erica gave me the DVD for Christmas, and when I simply looked at the pictures on the case, I almost started crying.

There you have it.

Runners Up: Mysterious Skin was a good reminder, Capote was a stunning performance, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was a fun time, and Mad Hot Ballroom was a constant smile.

On a related note, if you’re wondering what my top albums of 2005 are, the only ones worth mentioning are: Sufjan’s Illinois, Sigur Ros’s Takk, and Why?”s Sanddollars EP and Elephant Eyelash. Was Headphones released in 2004 or 2005? Them, too.

Many of you have received or will shortly be receiving a project I’ve been talking about for quite some time and have finally accomplished. Yes, I have finally finished my CD of hymns. Technically, it was started nearly 2 years ago, but to be honest, the majority of the work was done in the month of December when we decided to make them a Christmas present. Nevertheless, that fact that it is finally complete brings a great sense of satisfaction. I am, for the most part, quite content with the outcome. I’ve never really put this much time into any one project, not to mention a project that turned out mostly how I intended. So, it’s been a good experience. I feel like I’ve learned a lot in the process, as well, both about recording specifically and art in general. It’s been fun.

If you are interested in a CD, let me know and give me your address and I will send you one. It’s free.

There are lots of little tidbits and stories about the CD that I want to share. It may be a little self-indulgent, but I always like reading about the little details, so I’m going to assume some of you like it to, and if not, oh well, it will be fun for me anyway. It’ll be like watching your favorite DVD with the commentary on. Only this isn’t your favorite CD and you have to read instead of just listen. These are all the things that couldn’t be written on the one page CD insert.

First of all, why a CD of hymns? I’ve always liked hymns, and when I went to Taylor where most everyone hated them because they weren’t as hip as the latest praise and worship CD, I was starved of hymns and forced to survive by singing along with the bell tower while walking across campus between classes. I did that quite often, actually, I sang loud and proud and I think everyone was wondering, “This kid actually knows these songs?!?” So I’ve always liked hymns for a variety of reasons that I don’t think I need to discuss now. On top of my love of hymns, I’ve never been much of a songwriter, and in order to achieve some sort of creative release, I’ve always been forced to sing and play other people’s songs. That’s caused me to play a lot of hymns, and one thing led to another. I got this four-track recorder for Christmas in 2003. I started recording that spring and it continued little by little from there on out. Of course, since then, the hip and trendy thing to do in the CCM world is to cover a lot of hymns. That’s not to say many people are doing a very good job of it, of course, because few are, in my opinion. But what does this have to do with what I was talking about?

Here’s a little bit about each song:

Holy Holy Holy - This was the earliest song that was done that ended up on the CD. I recorded bass and Nate Pelz on guitar in my dorm room in Morris, and then the snare drum and saxophone in the conference room on our floor. I always intended to record a bunch of guys from the floor for the last verse, but I was never able to round them up. So, these vocals weren’t recorded until this past month, the group vocals being recorded at Mark and Heather’s house. Erica was a real trooper on this song; I think we recorded about 20 times before we got something she was ok with, and even then I think each verse ended up being a different take, which is somewhat tricky to do with a four-track. It’s in an awkward key I guess, but it is the key in which it’s written in the hymnal.

Immortal Invisible - I recorded the guitar and accordion for this in the shower of our Briarwood apartment. You can kind of tell by the echo of my voice when I count it off at the beginning of the track. I try to tell myself the shower had better acoustics, but I really don’t think it makes that much of difference when I’m honest with myself. Jonas helped with the percussion so that we could do it all in one track. That kid hates hymns I think, mostly because a lot of them are in 3/4 time.

Wonderful Words of Life - I have a feeling this one is probably unfamiliar to most. It’s an old one we never sing anymore, one of those that was popular for our grandparents back when they were trying to write “hip and modern” hymns, and it didn’t really stick around too long. It kind of just popped into my head out of nowhere one day, and it’s a fun little melody, especially on chord organ, so I whipped it together.

When I Survey - This is one that Erica and I always sing together. I pulled it together pretty quickly in December. There is not much better than the key of E on guitar, I think. This is one I am most pleased with. It’s simple.

I Know Whom I Have Believed - This one kind of goes along with Wonderful Words of Life, one of those 20th century gospel hymns, although it’s lasted a little longer and is more familiar than that one. But it was also a random one that popped into my head and I pulled it together in one night while Erica spent hours talking girl talk with her friend in the living room. I was a little worried it came out with a reggae feel. Erica says it’s not reggae, it just seems like a little kids version with the bouncing ball showing the words on the TV screen and me singing with a cheesy enthusiastic look on my face. I see what she’s saying, and I kind of like it.

Be Thou My Vision - I first recorded a version just like this one, sitting on the couch in the living room one night after a hard long day at work. I liked how it came out, especially because our steam heat radiator starting banging in the background in the middle of the song. But after listening to it a few times, I realized how flat I was singing (a constant struggle) and decided I needed to record a new version, which sounds basically the same, just no heater and a little more in tune. It features the ukulele, of course, which was a random graduation present from my parents this year, a very very welcome addition to my collection.

Grace Greater Than Our Sin - When I first got my 4-track, Jared Cheek got a digital 8-track. He and I recorded a version of this hymn, but he deleted it by accident, I think. This version is much different than that one was. I’m not sure what gave me the idea to do vocals just at the end, but I love how it turned out.

My Jesus I Love Thee - This is another one Erica and I have always sung together, so it was only natural to include it. In the left speaker, if you listen closely, you’ll hear me tinker on the piano throughout the entire song. In the first draft of this song, that part was much louder. I liked the concept (very freeform - which basically is my only option since I don’t really know how to play the piano) and I liked how most of it sounded, but it ended up being like an annoying mosquito that wouldn’t leave you alone long enough to enjoy the song. So, I remixed it and hid it underneath the other instruments and only in one ear. That was it’s kind of like a hidden treasure, I guess. The piano (and snare drum) were recorded in a practice room in the music building at Taylor on a lonely, planless Friday night. It seemed like there were a lot of those my senior year.

I Need Thee Every Hour - It was Erica’s idea to add this song, and it was a good one, one that was inspired by Anathallo’s hymn CD. But finishing it was a nightmare, to be perfectly honest. I thought we had finished it, but it was incredibly sloppy and terrible, so we had to do it all over again keeping only the original accordion track. Only, this time when we redid it, we didn’t have a click track because we had recorded over it. That created all kinds of problems I don’t need to explain. It was a nightmare.

Like a River Glorious - I recorded this right after I got my ukulele. Originally, I sang on it and this instrumental part was the second verse, but it turned out to be a pretty awkward sounding song. I wasn’t going to put it on the CD at all, but then I had the idea to put this instrumental verse on as a sort of interlude. It sounds good on headphones, as the melody and harmony are panned to different ears.

Come Thou Fount - I realize this is a painfully slow tempo, but I think it’s often done much too fast. I prefer to call it “prayerfully slow” rather than painfully slow, and even though I’m joking when I say that, I don’t think I actually am. This was recorded one piece at a time, with a lot of time in between each. I recorded acoustic guitar in the shower, then had Wes record the electric guitar during a break from school, then the tamborine, piano, and cymbal later on in the practice room on that Friday night, and then the vocals in December. When Wes recorded, I just played the tape for him and said, “record whatever you want.” He recorded the melodly line, mostly because he wasn’t familiar enough with the song at that point to do anything more, but I am very glad that’s how it turned out. I think it is simply beautiful. I really wanted sleigh bells on the second verse rather than tamborine, but I didn’t have any. This is my favorite hymn, and can say that with a considerable amount of certainty. Listen to the last minute or so on headphones for some fun panning action. Wes kept going with his delay pedal and I didn’t really want him to stop.

Rock of Ages - This hymn brought me the most satisfaction. I first (re)discovered it over a break when Pastor Rick sang it on a Sunday morning. The words really struck me. They are quite amazing. After that Sunday morning, I recorded the version on piano (track 14) at my parents’ home. I went back to school and recorded the guitar part in my closet. I didn’t get to do any more of it, because I heard this specific horn part in my head and wanted to do big things with it, but never thought it would be possible. But a few days before I needed the CD to be finished, I asked Kyle Page and Wes to come over to our apartment and they helped to make this part in my head a reality. I couldn’t have been more ecstatic. The percussion on the third verse is Kyle scratching his drum head, but when Wes joined us a little later, he heard it and thought it was us rubbing our hands together. So, on every track we did after that, we rubbed our hands together during that part. It blends in pretty well and is kind of tough to hear, but again, with the help of some headphones it comes through a little more clearly. On the fourth verse, Kyle and I added accordion and bass drum first. Then we added the trombone (Wes) and trumpet (Kyle) with suspended cymbal (me). Then we added another track of suspended cymbal with Wes and I stomping on the floor, too, which the mike picked up through the mike stand, creating a pretty cool deep bass beat that was quite a pleasant surprise. This is probably the closest any of the songs got to what I was hearing in my head, and I was happy. “When I soar to worlds unknown, see the on thy judgement throne” - it’s hard to come up with music to fit that sort of intense imagery, but I hope I accomplished that in my own little humble 4-track sort of way. Oh, and I guess I didn’t know the word “respite” and I was only using my knowledge in phonics (vowel-consonant-e pattern) to decode it, which you can hear in the piano version. Erica corrected my pronunciation for the guitar version.

I could tell you a lot more, but you’re probably bored by now.

If you received a copy with the artwork, that was done using the printmaking technique I learned in Art for Teachers (etching into a styrofoam meat tray to make the print). I thought for sure we used tempera paint, but it turns out we actually used printmaking ink. I thickened the paint with elmer’s glue and that seemed to do the trick, although some of them still turned out pretty rough.

The inserts were made on the copy machine at school during my prep period. Shhhh, don’t tell anyone.

And there you have it. Thanks for listening.

I didn't go to see After Innocence after all, because I wasn't getting as much done as I had hoped. Erica's gone for the day and I had high hopes of being productive, but they faded rather quickly.

I came to Coopersburg for some of my mom's pizza. It had been far too long since we had her pizza. Logan had his hair in a mohawk. He got hair gel for Christmas, so he likes to do this rather regularly. It was impossible to look at him without giggling. It was awesome.

I came up with a two new genres in order to describe the band Why?. At this point, they are described by their label as "jangly psych-rock folk-hop and peculiar pop." But let's keep it simple: quip-hop and/or quirk-hop.

today actually ended up being pretty good. it's all relative, really.

one thing is for sure, the week, on the whole, went incredibly quickly. but today could not be going any more slowly.

i realize no one from home reads this thing, but if anyone wants to go see after innocence with me on saturday, let me know. neville? are you up for it? i have a feeling i'll be seeing this one by myself, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Today has been moderately better, thank you for asking.

In one class, I somehow got to telling my students about our recent pet death. You see, a week or two before Christmas, our pet betta fish, Moxley, passed away. Erica was rather upset and wanted to have some closure by holding a funeral, but we weren't prepared to have it immediately. Well, the next night, we had a bunch of people coming over for our Christmas party, but we didn't want to rush a funeral either, and we didn't want to leave a dead fish out for everyone to see. So we resorted to hiding it in our bedroom. A week and a half later, we remembered, and it was my job to get this smelly rotting fish out of its bowl and into the toilet. What a mess.

So I told this story. One boy enthusiastically chimed in, "It was just a little betta fish?! And you were upset about that?!? They don't even TALK or nothing!" I asked, "Your pets talk?" "Well, no, but I mean, those fish don't even have no EMOTIONS!"

(If you knew the kid, it would be even funnier.)

Yesterday, rumors were flying in one of my other classes. One boy had started to tell people that we were all going to die this year, on June 6th, because it's day 6-6-6. It's true because it's in the Bible, he declared. So everyone was telling each other this and they were all freaking out and arguing over whether or not it would really happen. One girl raised her voice and matter of factly stated, "That's not true guys. It's just the mark of the beast!" I was both surprised by and proud of her biblical knowledge. Her statement quieted everyone down. (I guess it surprised them too, or they just had no idea what she was talking about and were unable to argue.) Then one girl broke the silence: "But still, just imagine, what if we did all die." She added, "...I mean, God forbid."

Speaking of kids thinking about death, the other week one boy stayed after school and was talking with me. He asked, "Mister, what's the point of school anyway?" Being the teacher that I am, I responded enthusiastically, "TO LEARN!" He quickly responded (as if he was planning this tricky conversation in his mind all day), "But then we die and all this learning goes to waste!" I was dumbfounded. While there is a slight flaw in his idea, what other middle schooler is thinking about the inevitability of death? What other middle schooler is on the verge of discovering what the writer of Ecclesiastes was saying? What wisdom! I stuttered and said something teacherly, but maybe I should have just shouted "Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!" just to confuse him a little.

I've spent the past 10 minutes staring into space, waiting for the day to come to an end, trying to collect myself, breathe, something.

It was one boy's first day back from suspension. He had two suspensions in a row. He wasn't cooperating with me at all. I asked him if he wanted to be written up and suspsended again. "Yeah." "You do?" "Yeah. I don't care."

Then, two boys were throwing a ball of paper. When they saw I spotted them, about three or four of them starting shifting the blame, trying to convince me of who started it and who didn't throw it at all. I told them I didn't care, I just wanted it to stop. Then I asked one boy to pick it up and throw it away for me. He said "No way!" and told me to shut up. "Excuse me?" He repeated himself and added some profanity. I stayed calm, somehow, and said, "Ok, slow down and think about this. You can either pick up the piece of paper and throw it away for me, or get in a lot more trouble than it's worth." He finally got up, and I thought it was over. Just as I began to teach again, he said, "Fine! But if you ever tell me to pick up some paper again, I'll slap you in the head! I will." With that, the asst. principal was called.

Then there's another kid (same class) who moved himself right next to the teacher's desk in the back of the room yesterday. He was acting extremely shady, looking at her desk, throwing things behind it and disappearing for a while, and so on. I calmly told him that if the teacher tells me anything is missing from her desk, I will assume he is at fault. I was only trying to teach the kid some above-reproach common sense. "Are you calling me a thief?!?" Now, for the past two days, he has spent each period pouting, giving me death stares, and complaining to everyone about how I called him a thief (loud enough for me to hear, of course), and about how his mom will mess me up (and I've met her, she could.)

After all this happened, I had to write a pass for someone. I was shaking so bad I could hardly write. The "thief" told me that I looked like I was about to cry. And I was.

It turns out the kid that wants to be suspended again showed up 20 minutes late to his 8th period class. When the teacher called the asst. principal to see what he should do with him, the kid dropped his things and ran out of the room.

This is just three boys in one class. We aren't even counting the incessant talking, refusal to work, requests for pencils, bathrooms, drinks, nurses, A's, free-time, "something that isn't boring," and the many other problems.

Then, I just got a phone call that one of my homeroom students was five steps away from the top of his staircase, and he threw his laptop (yes, in my school, each student has their own laptop, which is a brilliant plan, as this story illustrates.) the rest of the way to the top of the stairs. A teacher saw him and confiscated it.

All this and it's only the 2nd day back.

I've been wondering lately if I haven't been clear enough in telling people about my job. My old roommate Kyle came to visit Erica and I the week before Christmas. It was great to see him. I was talking about my job and he asked, "So, do you enjoy it?" I thought about it for a minute and said, "No. Not really." He said, "Well, like, I enjoyed my studies at college, but there were definitely plenty of times I didn't enjoy it throughout my four years. Is it like that?" Without thinking this time, I said, "No. It's more that I am completely miserable and wonder what in the world I am doing, but then some days I see the value of it and every once in a while I enjoy myself and there are times where I like these kids. But on the whole, I pretty much hate it." He looked stunned.

I guess when I'm asked about it and, I simply reply as I usually do, "Well, it's been a challenge," it doesn't very well communicate what's really going on.

I have to wonder if people really want to know what's going on. The times when I am brutally honest, I get some pretty surprised looks, as if they were just asking to make small talk, expecting me to say "fine" and continue with "how's work for you?" or "beautiful weather we're having today, isn't it?"

And there are always some kids that give you a small sense of hope, like one boy who just stopped by to see how he could bring up his grade. (Everyone says they're coming by after school. Few actually do. They all wait until the last day of the marking period and then come protesting and begging.) I gave him a quiz that he missed and he politely asked me to grade it for him right away. I did. I asked him what he thought of class this afternoon (he's in the same class as these other guys.) He said, "It was ok." I said, "But how do you think it went?" He said, "Bad for you." I agreed. I asked him for suggestions. "It's not your fault. It's the class. They just won't stop talking when you're trying to teach." I love this kid because he always pauses and then asks thoughtful, personal "when-you-were-my-age" questions. Those are good questions to ask. And that's what he did: "Mister...When you you were young, like my age, did you always think that you wanted to be a teacher?" "Yes, actually, I always wanted to be a teacher." "Did you think it was going to be hard or easy? Like, watching your teachers teach, what did you think?" "I thought it would be easy, at least easier than this." He nodded his head thoughtfully then said goodbye. I thanked him for taking the time to come in.

Allow me to tell you about all the CDs I've received in the past few weeks. I haven't obtained this many CDs at one time in years. It's overwhelmingly euphoric.

Pedro the Lion Christmas 7" - Jared sent this to me to my pleasant surprise. It's the most depressing Christmas album ever created. I guess it's somewhat thought-provoking, but depressing nevertheless. It takes some nerve (and maybe some irreverency?) to add your own lyrics to classic, worshipful Christmas carols. Leave it to David.

The Arcade Fire - Funeral - I've been listening to this illegally for months now (I was a little behind in discovering them) and Erica gave me a legal copy. It's amazing. I dance around the apartment with it playing.

Denison Witmer - Are You A Dreamer? - Released this summer, his Militia Group debut. Nothing outstanding or overly catchy like his early days, but a very mature record that sure beats his River Bends album and seems like the record he's been working up to all these years. I enjoy it.

Saxon Shore - The Exquisite Death of... - I finally got my hands on it. This sounds amazing, like it was made in the hands of one of the best producers in the biz, which it was. At first I was a little bored, maybe because it's all 4/4 time in a moderate tempo. But after a few more listens, it's quite catchy and contagious. But let's be honest, their music is nothing amazing, it is no more difficult to make than high school punk rock.

Why? - Elephant Eyelash - I can't say enough about this band. Amazing lyrics, interesting and unique music, lots of fun. I could rave and rave and rave. This is some hip hop I can get into.

Iron and Wine/Calexico - In the Reigns - Not exactly what I was expecting, but pretty good all in all. While I realize this isn't exactly an Iron and Wine album, I will say that I think each of his albums gets progressively worse. But I still love him, somehow. How can you not?

Six Parts Seven - Everywhere and Right Here - One of my favorite bands. Another legal copy to further prove to my critics that, "If I like it, I'll buy it (or wait for someone to give it to me for Christmas)."

Appleseed Cast - Low Level Owl vol. 2 - Another legal copy to finally complete vol. 1 which I received last Christmas. I love these albums.

Yume Bitsu - Vessyl of something or other - I found this used at the local CD store and bought it because I remember Jared liking it. I call it "expansive" which I think is a good way of describing it, and it makes it sound like a good thing, but really It's a bit too drawn out for my tastes. It's pretty interesting stuff, though. The songs with vocals are the best.

I feel like there's more than that, actually, but I think that's all. It's been a good few weeks because of it.

Today, one girl told me I was the only teacher in the school who matches his ties with his shirts. I took it as a compliment. I was honest with the class, giving credit where credit is due, and told them it was only because my wife buys all my clothing and gives the final word of wardrobe approval before I walk out the door each morning.

The girl who said this to me is the same girl whom, for the past month, I have been begging to pay attention and to do at least a little bit of classwork, reminding her constantly of the grade she has in my class, giving her detentions, and so on. Today, when I handed out their updated grades, she learned she has a 50something percent in my class. She didn't seem to notice, as the rest of the day she talked through the lessons and didn't complete a single question on her classwork. I talked to her after class and reminded her of her 50-something. She asked innocently, with a slight tone of victimization in her voice, "What can I do to bring it up?"

I almost lost it.

well, well, well. it looks as though big brother finally decided it was ok for the teachers to access blogger after all. and boy do i have a lot to say. stay tuned.