this template will have to do until i figure something else out.

i do the same thing every saturday morning. after waking up slowly, i put on some music and make myself a bagel-and-egg sandwich. it is the zenith of my culinary skills. this morning i added green pepper. and the folgers coffee i drink grows increasingly stale with each passing week, but it continues to do its job.

the friend who knows me best was telling me i could be a pastor someday. (this was before the bagel-and-egg sandwhich.) i didnt believe her. i didnt want to believe her. she asked, "do you believe me?" and i answered "yes" without knowing. (perhaps it wasnt me who answered!)

i grew quiet. my mind was racing. it was listing all the things i would need before i could even think of being a pastor. and i thought of the "holiday at the sea" i've been missing for all these years. (how much more tragic it becomes when i know i'm missing it!)

i read about the holiday at sea while biting into my breakfast.

and i know (for how many times have we been reminded?) that He doesn't need those who are qualified, he just needs those who are willing. (what a shame it is when such profound truths are packaged and regurgitated in redudant cliche cute-and-catchy phrases!) but even as i remind myself of this, my logical brain cuts into the conversation (we argue quite a bit) and yells, "but surely you at least need this!"

and he is right, an ounce of discipline would indeed be helpful, at the very least.

the past year or more i've felt myself of the edge of something great, something big, something other, something beyond me. i can't explain, for a large part of this feeling is exactly that, the inability to explain. i've been on the verge of jumping off the edge into my holiday...the verge of grasping just a small part, just the beginning, just a corner of this world beyond me. but it seems as though noname is always right behind me, breathing down my neck, gripping me by the collar, so subtlely pulling me back to the here and now and tangible and comfortable.

and now i'm on the verge of a life calling, wondering what it will be and what it will bring. and i'm willing. at least i think i'm willing. and if that's what He needs then so be it. let's go. i'm ready when You are. no i'm not. i'm not ready. but we could at least take it one day at a time. and i may not always believe it. and i may not always believe in myself, either. but i'd like to try.

is that ok? is that enough?

heard in history class, which has caused me to think for the past 24 hours:

prof: "being a christian isn't easy?"
student: "nowadays it is, and i dont believe it should be."

read in history class, closely related:

"Good will triumph over evil. All you and I must do is suffer."

tidbits:

ok, ok, so i know the new template isnt the greatest. i'm not happy about it either. i'm working on it. i think there is a way i can get the old comments back, though, but using the blogger comment system would be easier. we'll see.

today is even warmer and nicer than yesterday, and i am spending every free chance i have outside enjoying it.

i inadvertently forgot to shave all week and am now working on something close to a beard. i'm tempted to keep going with it. it's pretty darn ugly.

frenchy bought two goldfish last week. he named one 'fish' and one 'headwound.' incidentally, the one named headwound had a really bad and ugly white fleshy headwound. it was getting worse and worse, so french decided to put him out of misery last night. he put him in the toilet and gave him lots of food as his last meal, then flushed him into oblivion. we'll miss you headwound...i was just getting to know you...it was too soon.

i saw anathallo last night. and wow. one of the most amazing concert experiences i've attended, ranking up there with mewithoutyou and unwed sailor and explosions in the sky yes even the old worshipful five iron frenzy shows. they are pretty great and i encourage you to check them out and support them because they deserve it. i said some more about them a little more eloquently on my taylor blog if youre interested.

go eagles.

all for now. have a good weekend.

aaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
i needed a change and i bit the bullet and changed my template. i think i regret it already. and my old template isnt offered anymore so i lost it forever.
i didnt realize changing would cause me to lose all my comments and the counter, which in turn makes me lose all bragging rights and sense of pride i've accumulated.
a few more changes to come.

it's a glorious day! it's in the 40's and it feels like it's in the 80's! so now all this crusty stale snow will finally melt! and i don't have to wear my stupid winter coat! hooray! spring is coming!

we just finished out first book (how christian faith can sustatin the life of the mind, richard hughes) in honors history. wow, one week down and one book down. it was a very liberating and encouraging book.

"Parker Palmer, for example, argues that the notion of paradox is fundamental to good teaching. Palmer cites Niels Bohr, the Nobel Prize-winning physicist who observed that 'the opposite of a true statement is a false statement, but the opposite of a profound truth can be another profound truth.' Palmer laments the fact that most teachers - indeed, most westerners in general - tend to think the world apart into true/false, black/white, good/bad, or sacred/secular, and to isolate profound truths in these and other kinds of airtight compartments. In contrast, Palmer suggests that good teachers will hold profound truths in paradoxical tension, even when the pressure is great to think them apart. When we hold profound truths in paradoxical tension, Palmer believes, we and our students can benefit from questions and insights that would be impossible to discern if we confined ourselves to binary categories."

oh and there's so much more!

not sure what this weekend holds. anathallo? hotel rwanda? tons of reading? have a good one.

- we invite diversity into our community not because it is politically correct but because diverse viewpoints are demanded by the manifold mysteries of great things.
- we embrace ambiguity not because we are confused or indecisive but because we understand the inadequacy of our concepts to embrace the vastness of things.
- we welcome creative conflict not because we are angry or hostile but because conflict is required to correct our biases and prejudices about the nature of great things.

(parker palmer, the courage to teach)

TOP 10 FILMS OF 2004

ok, so neville is pressuring me to do this. i counted, and from what i can remember, i've only seen 18 2004 movies, which is actually surprising and impressive, for me. but even though that's a lot, it's not exactly very much to base a top ten list off of. and i'm probably forgetting a few, too. but here are my top ten, and i'm sorry, but they are in no particular order!!!!

passion of the christ - it's had its ups and downs and goods and bads and pros and cons, but in the end it was a powerful movie for me and i admire mel gibson and the guts he had to take on this project. i think it was a very personal thing for him and i like that. and it was beautifully done.

mean girls - i labeled this as the first popular movie i liked since finding nemo. and that's true. it was actually funny and enjoyable and intelligent all at the same time.

super size me - it was funny and it raised good questions. i thought it was fair. the only times it was propaganda, it was clear that he was doing it for the sake of funny propaganda. does that make sense? i dug it. a lot.

napoleon dynamite - what's not to like? besides the people that wont stop quoting it, of course.

garden state - the first time i watched i laughed a lot and thought it was an impressive film but it sparked no emotion from me. the second time i watched it i thought it was terribly cliche and forced and i hated it. the third time i watched it i liked it a lot again and decided the second time i watched it was poor watching conditions. so it's a good movie but nothing too moving for me, personally.

coffee and cigarettes - if these were in order, this would be top 5. maybe even top 3. i'm 99% sure that i dont like this simply because everyone else doesnt. i really genuinely enjoyed it. it was awkward and funny and sure the acting was bad but i still thought it was a gem and a half.

eternal sunshine - i just finished watching this, actually. it was pretty dang incredibly genius. yeah, very genius. very very genius. im still thinking about how genius it was.

finding neverland - beautiful. "i dont think little boys should be put to bed, because when they are, they wake up another day older." or something like that. imagination and story and beauty beauty beauty.

spanglish - i was partial to this one because it struck me personally. however, i dont think adam sandler is a believable middle-aged father. but yeah, its struck me personally and i liked it.

the life aquatic - even though this is the last movie it doesnt mean it was my #1 pick. i laughed a lot and thought it was another beautifully done anderson film. i thought the humor was more accessible. wilem defoe was hilarious. so was the three-legged dog. and the shoot-out scenes are some of the funniest scenes i've ever seen in film and i'm not exaggerating on that one. and the submarine scene is one of those beautiful emotional anderson scenes, like when ben stiller says "it's been a rough year, dad" in the royal tennenbaums (which gets me right "here" everytime).

i realize my reviews are lame here, so, sorry neville. but i hope this suffices for everyone.

if i watched saved again, that might make an appearance. i need to see motorcycle diaries and hotel rwanda. and lots of others. i didnt see the incredibles. im embarassed to admit it, but i liked the notebook a lot. dont tell anyone.

TOP TEN ALBUMS OF 2004!!!!!

i didn't buy 10 albums in 2004. it was a slow year in music for me. and i have a feeling they will only get slower from here on out. there are only five albums worth mentioning:

sufjan stevens - seven swans
iron and wine - our endless numbered days
pedro the lion - achilles heel
brandtson - send us a signal
mewithoutyou - catch for us the foxes

albums not worth mentioning, for which i would like my money back: denison's river bends, further seems forever's hide nothing, among others.

I'm in an entry-level math class this semester. I am able to enjoy it for several reasons. I can handle the 8:00 starting time after student teaching. I know the math, so it's not exactly challenging. I'm a senior (it's almost all freshman, which is really weird for me) and know what I can get away with and can enjoy it on different levels. I've had Dr. Colgan before, so I understand him and know how to handle him, which takes at least one semester to do.

Dr. Colgan has mastered the humor of awkwardness. I'm still not sure whether he intends for it to be humorous, or if he's just plain awkward. I'm the only one who laughs, mainly because I've had him before, and also because his awkwardness reminds me of me, and I can relate to it, so it's funnier. I've always thought he was just plain awkward, but when I laugh, he looks at me and chuckles (a thank-goodness-someone-is-laughing-these-people-are-so-uptight-and-boring-kind-of-chuckle) which makes me think he might know he's being funny.

tonight i made the only bolivian meal i learned how to make while there. it's called majadito. it's rice and onions and ground beef, topped with a fried egg and fried plantains on the side. it turned out really well, actually. but i think i realized the only reason i really liked the bolivian food was because my meals came so few and far between. tonight's meal really wasnt very good even though it turned out well. when i had it in bolivia, i hadn't had anything to eat all day, and i ended up eating three plate-fulls of it and thought it was amazing. the plantains were disappointing, but i think it's mostly because you probably cant get very good plantains in the states. and at the grocery store, the cashier girl rang them up as green bananas, which were more expensive, but i was too lazy to point out her mistake. you just cant find good help these days.

i get stressed out when i cook.