i just feel this constant battle, and always kinda have, with wanting to be the soft, quiet, stay-in-my-room, enigmatic reflective thinking type, passionate and willing to share with others, but being introverted as a whole (all in a 1 thess. 4:11 "make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and mind your own business" kind of way), while at the same time wanting to be funny and loud and the life of the party (in a good, reach-out-personable kind of way, not a look-at-me-im-cool kind of way). this battle just leaves me confused and frustrated and probably very stand-offish and self-centered. in addition to that, i am already in many ways both...there is no doubt im a poor conversationalist and as a whole leave the conversation initiation to others, particularly in new, uncomfortable settings. many times these new people have seen my outgoing ways and are intimidated by me, waiting for me to make the first step, not realizing im scared and uncomfortable out of my mind, and when i just sit there quietly with nothing to say, they conclude that i'm an arrogant jerk. what a complex guy i am.

day 2 or 3 or so here at taylor and things are going pretty well thus far. the room setup is pretty hip, i dig it, good to see the guys again, freshmen seem cool, and IFC is pretty hip thus far. for some reason though, i am more tired than ever and it's really annoying. i've fallen asleep in both movies we've watched for IFC...i feel terrible...i feel like i should probably explain to the group that i have a narcolepsy problem when it comes to movies. we'll see.
jared and i are going to start a droning organ band...here are some of the names we came up with for it...let me know what you think....
save me, im droning.
the drone rangers.
drone thugs and harmony.
bad to the drone.
in drone toenail.
thats all i can recall at the moment. i suppose i should explain what IFC is for you non-taylor readers, but im too tired.
oh, and i might be getting paid to have a blog about life at taylor. that would be awesome and an answer to prayer. we'll see.
im going to take a nap now.

it's almost 11:45, and things are winding down. the van is packed and my things are gathered. i still havent watched 7 years in tibet though. i was planning on pulling an all nighter til we left at 4:00, but i am much too wiped out for that. so, luckily we still have a tv that we borrowed from someone that will fit and work in the van and i will hopefully be able to stay awake for it on the ride out to indiana. granted, the tv is about a 4 inch screen and i have a feeling the movie will lose a lot of its impact, but, it will all work out, right?
and at least i didn't wait til the last minute to finish.

we're getting down to the wire here. there's about 11 hours left before i leave (we're shooting for a 4 AM departure time)...im about halfway finished packing...and still have a 2 and a half hour movie to watch for geography along with the follow-up essay.

no sweat.

see you in upland.

i was doing juuuuuuust fine until she said ever so softly, "the lord bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you." that's when i remembered just how special this woman is and just how far away i was going...and that's when i started bawling.

i mentioned that stupid sign on the turnpike before. this time one said "what isn't it called unlabor day?" and another said "back to school...good for the kids...great for the parents." then both proceeded to tell me to drive safely. now, if you're gonna distract my eyes and attention from the road, please make it worth my while. stupid penndot.

another conversation with taylor shorb, 3 years of age:

taylor: how long will it be til you come home?
nate: around thanksgiving.
taylor: is that a long time? will i be able to handle it?
nate: well, it's kind of a long time. do you think you'll be able to handle it?
taylor: *sigh* i think i'll be ok.

the following conversation was just held with taylor nicole shorb, 3 years of age, no educational experience, yet wise beyond her years:

taylor: what are you doing, nate?
nate: homework.
taylor: gross. that's not fun, is it, nate?
nate: nope.
taylor: why are you doing it, nate? huh? cuz people make you have to?
nate: (chuckle) yes, taylor. you're a smart girl.

ive said it before, and i'll say it again, it truly is amazing, wal-mart really does have the best prices. now, when it comes to school supplies, im a staples man myself. but walmart beat their prices on almost everything. unbelievable.

ok, so, i just said goodbye to erica even though i'll see her tomorrow night and, yeah, now i KNOW it will be hard to leave.