george w. bush has been reelected.

my reaction has been as predicted: apathetic at best. (i must remind you before i delving into this rant that if Kerry had been elected, my reaction would be apathetic just the same.)

i do not mind people saying that the lord's will has been done. i do not mind people praising him for it. i don't mind even doing so myself.

i DO mind the fact that these people would not be doing the same if the president's opponent (i will not mention his name for fear of someone looking over my shoulder, seeing it, and excommunicating me from christian fellowship) had won. is their faith so small that they cannot believe god can work through someone whom they do not like, someone who, in their eyes, is not a christian (or perhaps even the antichrist!)? for if they quote that all things come together for good, that god is sovereign, that authority is put in place by god himself, can they not believe the same would hold true if a democrat would be elected?

i DO mind the blatant disgust for the opponent openly expressed from the mouths of these christians. at the very least, it is disrespectful to those who may, unbeknownst to them, hold different opinions. moreso, it is a complete defiance of christlikeness and a poor example to those around them. perhaps i say this with ease because i prefer to keep my thoughts quietly to myself. but perhaps this does in fact fall under an example of being "quick to listen and slow to speak."

i DO mind those who complain about the bias of news networks, simply because they disagree with that bias. they have clearly expressed that they do not mind, and in fact prefer, a biased news source, as long as the bias leans towards their own opinions. if you complain about the bias of a news networks, avoid hypocrisy by seeking a news source that has none, neither liberal nor conservative. impossible? then watch both and sort through the facts intelligently and open-mindedly.

CNN reports moral values were a priority in this election. great! but how many of those moral-minded-people were remembering that morality should include more than a stance on abortion and gay marriage? does morality not also include treatment of the poor, in both our nation and abroad? does it not include caring for our environment? just war? finances? so on and so forth? i do not mean to say that bush's policies do not reflect morality in these areas; i do mean to say we must keep these in mind when deciding on morality. (i do not remember how many verses are found in the bible dealing with the treatment of the poor, but i do remember they are much more in number than the one single direct reference to abortion [which is questionable, at that].)

the evangelicals have shown up in record numbers, and for this i am glad! good citizenship (which includes voting) should be part of christian living, part of our witness in this dark world. but sloppy thinking (leading to aforementioned post-election sloppy actions) may hurt our witness more than help. one woman shared she is already praying for a godly leader to turn our nation around, be it bush or someone else. amen! BUT it is first the church's job, the christian's job, to turn our nation around, one person at a time. handing that job over to government and legislation is simply laziness.

there's more, but we'll leave it at that.

may the words of this rant and rave be those of thought-out truth, and not those of my often cynical and rebellious spirit.

at the end of some days, i still want to be a teacher. at the end of other days, i desperately want to run far away from the profession. i kind of wish i would have kept track of how many days i felt like one or the other. if i did, i think today would've counted for at least 5 votes for running very far away.

nonetheless, 3 cheers for abbey, katie, and elizabeth, the women of 2J, who apparently have tons of people over every tuesday night for dinner. last night was my first night attending, and i filled up on some really good vegetarian chili. the food was incredible, the fellowship enjoyable, and it was much better than eating grille food and doing schoolwork. those girls will receive quite a few crowns in heaven for their hospitality.

in case you forgot, i leave on october 30th for bolivia. it's approaching quickly. make your plans now to say goodbye.

a whirlwind weekend, and 1,400 miles later i'm doing fine.

go see explosions in the sky. they will change your life. ok, maybe not, but trust me, they're incredible.

want to solve the problem of voter apathy? give us an honest and competent man to vote for. i'm not apathetic about voting, unless i'm forced to choose the lesser of two evils, the "least-stinky" candidate as one scholar put it last spring.

tonight i think life is one big secret. and if it is, the world has its lips sealed pretty tightly. and secrets are only fun if you're the one witholding the information. and i'm not. and if i were, i'd be telling as many people as possible. maybe that's why the world isn't letting me in on it, because nobody likes the person who tells everyone else.

tonight i met the lady who is giving me a substansial amount of money to study at taylor for my senior year. she seemed like an amazing woman, and i'm sure she's more amazing than i had the opportunity to realize in those two short hours. i heard god in the string quartet and in the harp. and i also heard him reminding me of a godly man who helped me out when i was an unsuspecting freshman wondering what in the world god wanted to do with me.

and tonight i want to be a man whose little hair remaining is gray with wisdom...whose wrinkles around the corners of his lips are signs of joy through the years...whose wrinkles around the corners of his eyes are reminders of many painful prayers...whose mind can look back and see a good work nearing full completion (those painful prayers now answered).

well, so much for sleeping over.
the bonfire is done and noah is gone and jamin isnt back yet and yoder has friends here and kyle has a meet tomorrow and they're the only ones i really want to sleep over with and for some reason i decided to walk over to morris so now i have to walk all the way back to the apartment before i can go to bed. what a mess. oh well.
goodnight!

well, i just left the room to see who was on the floor and no one is. so here comes that post again.

why is it that the only time you lose posts or emails are when they are really really really long and inspired? stupid technology...nobody even lost a long hand-written letter in cyberspace.

anyway.

it's been a pretty great week for a variety of reasons. in prior weeks i was really stressing myself out for no good reason. i would tell myself i had so much to do and i said "nate you are sooooo busy" and i totally bought every word my hyperactive mind told me and none of it was actually true. so what happened? i was really stressed out and didnt really do a whole lot of anything as far as work goes anyway so it was all useless. well this week i took it easy and didnt get stressed out and i found out just how much i could get away with and stuff and it was care free and relaxed and wonderful. the problem was i didnt get an ounce of work done all week, which isn't really a big deal, as long as i don't make a habit of it, which i'm not planning on doing.

frenchy ended up obtaining a copy of mewithoutyou's latest on tuesday night then and boy oh boy is it ever pretty great. and remember those two lines from my last post? well listening to this album makes me say those things and feel those things all the more. this cd makes me want to be different and makes me want to get out whats inside my head. and this is a good thing. and not many bands can inspire you in ways like these. so go buy it. or at least find the lyrics and read them and write them all over your walls in permanent marker.

not only did i get that album on tuesday night, but jared, being the sweetheart that he is, gave me the for jonathan compilation. i've been wanting it for months and the kid went out and just bought it for me with his plasma money. it's a beautiful album, a beautiful and well-put-together project and work of art. there's only two downers: i had already heard the unwed sailor track before (which jared also generously [and illegally {and top secretly}] gave me) and you can't watch the film along with any of the songs. other than that i've been enjoying it.

the turnout for ifc's showing of supersize me was incredible! it was packed! hooray! and people seemed to enjoy it too. after watching it 4 times, i love it all the more. it is a fun film, and it is pretty fair and valid all the way around. i dont know if it deserves an oscar, but it does more than fahrenheit 9/11. there you have it...i said it.

then, last night, chalupa had us over for some incredible enchiladas. i was a little worried that it would be incredibly awkward, because chalupa has a way of planning get togethers where everyone knows him but no one knows each other. thats not a bad thing, because you get to meet people you wouldnt meet otherwise, but it has potential to be awkward, especially when you throw me in the mix. but last night was soooo great. it was scott and i, a married couple from our apartment complex with their cute baby boy, and an older couple from kenya who teach at taylor, and 2 girls that kinda ate and ran. but we ate great food and then the muchiris talked about being freedom fighters in kenya's fight for independence which was incredible to hear about, and this led to long and good conversations about politics and the war in iraq and abortion and drugs and all the other issues along with it all. i could have sat there all night. each viewpoint was unique: 2 college kids, 2 young parents, 2 married professors from kenya. i dont know how to explain it but the interaction was just really enjoyable and it was the best night in a long time.

so chalupa is pretty awesome. here's a kid who lives by himself and works in the stupid ETC all day, and instead of being depressed and becoming a hermit because of it, he cooks more authentic enchiladas than you can imagine and invites as many people over to his house as possible, giving them all the best night in weeks. he's definitely the hostess with the mostess, hands down. so there you have it, chalupa, you're a-o-k in my book. i was admiring you last night. sorry i had to tell you that over this stupid blog.

school was good, this week, too. this week made me want to be a teacher. and today we did something really fun and awesome but i cant tell you about it for another couple days.

tonight blom is arriving in town and we're having a bonfire to commemorate the occassion. (does occassion have 1 or 2 c's and 1 or 2 s's?) except noah's out of town and yoder has warsaw friends coming so i'm not sure who will be there. but oh well. it's a nice night for it as long as the rain holds off.

speaking of nice nights, the weather is beautiful and the leaves are bright colors. and i'm drinking my apple cider, but i'm still drinking it alone, so come over and drink it with me, hot or cold, your choice.

i spent almost 15 dollars this week (most of which was grocery money) on cards and postage. i think i sent about 5 different letters or cards to people. and it gets expensive! but i need to remind myself it's money well spent because it goes towards brightening peoples' days.

i think i might sleep on the penthouse tonight, which is something that is long overdue. if some guys show up, anyway.

so this post is in honor of two admirable people who remind me of jesus and what it is like to be like him: jared cheek for his generosity and chalupa for his hospitality.

hooray for life. enjoy it.


let's see if i can click "publish" without hitting this crazy button on the side of the mouse.

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

i just spent about 15 minutes on a really long and happy post and i went to click publish and accidentally hit a random button on jamin's high-tech mouse and i lost it all!

if you're lucky i'll try and recreate it later.

there are a lot of days i want to be different. and there are a lot of days where i want to get out what is inside me and i can't find any way to do so.

i came up to the floor and no one is here. i've been sitting at jamin's computer for over a half hour. i wasnt planning on doing so, but he has blog links and i did some catching up. i've been listening to the new jimmy eat world album on his computer and it sounds pretty good.

i called frenchy and asked him to pick up catch for us the foxes for me. i'm sure the few copies will be snatched away before he gets there. i forgot to go to walmart to buy it, and i checked at kmart in gas city, but they didnt have it, which didnt surprise me.

now i'm going to dinner by myself, i guess.

erica was here this past weekend and it was pretty amazing. i realize more with each interaction we have that i've made the right decision and that excites me. i think we'll have a nice life together, and for this i can't wait. and the goodbyes are so torturingly terrible, but we only have about 5 or 6 more of them left and then it will be all hellos for the rest of our lives. we wont know what to do with ourselves, but i think it will be a good thing.

i think i am going to support ifc by seeing super size me tonight, which will make it the 4th time i've seen it - the 3rd time in one week.

i bought apple cider at the grocery store tonight, which is a pretty great thing. come on over and drink some with me, hot or cold, your choice.

september 11, 2004

i walked through through the streets of upland this afternoon. i saw a hummingbird in front of a quaint house. it was drinking from bright red flowers. i saw him zip by the large picture window several times, showing off, wanting desperately for someone to admire him. little did he know, i was spying on him from across the street.
the sound of an electric guitar was pouring out of open windows and echoing through the neighborhood. the person playing was putting forth great effort in finding the correct notes to the theme from Pink Panther. the notes were choppy and hesitant, repated after each mistake. some notes were confident, and when he was sure, he would shake his hand on the freboard creating a clear vibrato. his parents worked outside the house, doing their best to ignore the "noise." little did he know, i was listening from across the street, a smile on my face.
tonight, friends stopped by to watch a movie. it seemed rather forced. they were uncomfortable being here and left rather quickly at the earliest convenience.
i drove thirty-six miles by myself tonight. it was the same drive i make every day of the week. i was lonely.
i ran over an already obliterated piece of road kill. it made a loud thump that made me cringe. i was going seventy-four miles an hour at the time.
i filled up my car with gas. i paid, and right before i left, i looked the cashier in the eye, and it made me realize i hadn't done so up to that point. i must have looked at her nametag as well, because it burned an image in my mind. her name is Annette; i can see it clear as day. the mind chooses to remember all the seemingly useless things. on my way out, i held the door for the mand riving the turquoise jeep. he had a white beard on his face, a leather jacket on his back, and a bandana on his head. he was buying chocolate milk, two percent. he thanked me for holding the door. i responded with the friendliest "yup" i could muster.
i parked my car outside of the apartment. abbey was sitting on her stairs talking on the phone, but she didn't see me. it could have been one of her roommates, but i didn't have my glasses on so i couldn't tell. the kids across the lawn were tossing their bean bags. the bags made a loud noise as they smacked the wooden boards; it echoed between their building and ours. i walked up my stairs and saw our neighbors in their usual positions in front of the television. one in the recliner, on indian style on the floor, and the kitten looking longingly out the screen door, ignoring his owners, opting rather to daydream about crickets and mice and grass and birds and life in the outside world, exciting as it is.
i entered and my roomate told me i startled him. he greeted me warmly and asked how my night was. i told him "fine." i was lying.
maybe i just wanted to be noticed. i noticed the hummingbird, pink panther, annette's nametag, and the jeep driver's beverage of choice. i spotted abbey at the end of the row. i looked at the kitten and knew exactly how he felt. i spent the day wondering if anyone, unbeknownst to me, was noticing a tall awkward kid who wasn't smiling today.




it's a bit depressing, but there you have it.

netflix is trying to rip me off and they've started a war for themselves. i am sticking it to the man.