Hating Life, part 1

In my dark sense of humor, every once in a while you'll hear me say, "I hate my life." I'm usually at least 90% joking, but Erica doesn't let me talk like that whether I'm joking or not, and rightly so.

But it was interesting to come across Jesus' words in John 12, where he says, "You must hate your life in order to keep it." This ended up being the theme of my preaching this past Sunday. And of course, I came to believe Christ meant something entirely different than my depressed mood swings of hating life. In fact, it's quite the opposite. When we hate our lives for the sake of Christ, only then will we truly love life, receiving the fullest of joy.

I believe it's a question of our top priorities. What is most valuable to us? What do we pursue? How do we spend our time? For what do we have time and make time? If the answers are anything other than God and furthering his kingdom, we are probably loving our lives more than we ought, and Christ says in more than one place that if we are loving our lives, we're going to lose them. What's the point if the world says we're successful but we give up our very soul?

I was challenged by this idea over spring break in reading a book by Edmund Clowney. He talks about the calling of a Christian in radical ways that aren't pushed too hard in our American churches. While we still like to hold on to our comfort pretty well, he talked about being a Christian in terms of a calling unto death, of picking up our cross and following Christ, of extreme generosity, in making every decision with "consuming purpose," with the goal of Christ and his kingdom in mind. He said things like, "The history of the Christian church is the history of 'wasted' lives," and "Leisure time is kingdom time," and "Freedom to move is freedom to serve." Most importantly, he says this:

"What your hands make, what your money buys, what your heart desires—in these you live; in these Christ calls you to gather with him those for whom he died. Because his name is written on all that you are and have, all must serve his purpose. Measure your discipleship by the things you have time for."

How many of us see our relationship with Christ in this way? I know I like my free time and possessions pretty well.

The Christian life, in many regards, should look ridiculously illogical--pure folly!--to the outside world. We spend so much energy trying to be relevant. In this world, hating your life will never be relevant.