half hearted and wishy washy
its been nineteen years that i've been filling my mind with knowledge. but we all know the distance from our heads to our hearts is a long, hard journey. and i must confess i just dont get it. the second i'm making progress is the second my heart gives up and goes back to the monotony of pumping blood. and there's days it all makes sense. there's days where nothing could be any better. but when im standing firm, i wake up the next day forgetting to be careful. i wish i could see the innocent lamb of the old covenant being slaughtered on my behalf. but even then, its doubtful my stubborn heart would budge. perhaps seeing the spotless Lamb sacrificed would do my heart well. i can only sit here and imagine...but only for so long before the busy world calls me back to the things that are more important. and how easily the lies pour from our lips. 'it's easier to sing lies than to speak them.' and so i stand among my peers, mouthing empty words of things i could only hope to be, all the while knowing what is more important is what seems so unattainable. most everyone is a disciple in the mind, but just a hypocritical pharisee in the heart.
and all of these are just ignorant utterances of a human mind that will never understand.
in the end, i guess (and hope) im just a work in progress. but progress is an extremely relative word.