tonight we had our first small group out in the pouring rain. there's lots of lightning and thunder and yoder suggests meeting outside and i figure he means underneath an overhang or covering of some sort. nope, he definitely meant right out underneath the rain. we got a little wet.
i am still having more and more revelations about god's grace which is cool. i just think so much of the christian community misses it. tonight i was thinking about the many youth group lessons and the many conversations i had with christian friends about being apathetic or complacent or mediocre about god...now i realize that all those conversations emphasized what i was or wasnt doing in my walk with christ...and the remedy to complacency was always reading my bible or "living for god" (whatever i thought that meant at the time) on my own strength. and it all just led to frustration. but now i am realizing that when you have a clear picture of the fullness of god's grace, there is no way you can be apathetic or complacent or mediocre! i dont really know how to explain it more than that...granted, there are some things in your life you can do or not do for god...but in your spiritual walk with christ, once you know grace, im not sure if there is anyway you can be lukewarm. does that make sense? this is all off the top of my head, so perhaps i need to do some more thinking (or explaining?), but....yeah.
the other thing im thinking is how comfortable i let myself be. i tend to think of myself as a thinker which i am happy about...but my anti-confrontational personality leads me to only talk to people i know will agree with me. it is always encouraging to share with someone you connect with, someone on the same level, but i guess i must admit its not healthy when that's ALL you do. for example, i wont talk to my roommate about my anti-war leanings [let me reiterate im not anti-war...(i just lean that way)], i dont want to talk to calvinists or armenians about my middle of the road stance, etc etc etc. im realizing thats pretty lame. and cowardly. and it needs to change. but at this point i dont think i'll be making any effort to change it. cuz im lazy and anti-confrontational. but. we'll see. or the other thing is, i'll listen to people's point of view, but wont really explain how i completely disagree with them...part of its fear of confrontation...most of it is im really not good at expressing my thoughts verbally...but its all pretty cowardly i guess.
thanks for reading. email if you'd like to discuss. goodbye.